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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU not to pay for my sister’s younger children’s hobbies?

547 replies

SheGood · 30/08/2026 22:54

Me and my sister had both of our children within months of each other. My sister was younger than me, ended up being a single mum and wasn’t very well off, so we used to pay for her children to do the same hobbies as our children as the they liked being together and my sister wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. Her children stopped doing the hobbies at about 13 as they lost interest. All of the children are now young adults either at uni or working.

My sister has gone on to have 2 children with a new partner who are 3 and 4. She wants them to do the same hobbies as the older children did but can’t afford it. She sent a text today and asked us to pay like we did for her other children. I feel like there is an expectation we do it and my mum has said that we can’t really not do it for the younger children when we did it for the older ones. We can afford it but I feel angry at the expectation. My mum can’t afford to pay as I would tell her to.

We did it for the older ones because it meant our children could do the hobbies with their cousins. If our children weren’t doing it, we wouldn’t have paid. I can understand the argument of doing the same for all of them in a way but there are years between them and the situation isn’t the same.

Are we being unreasonable if we say we are not paying? My sister and partner both work but in low paid jobs. My sister has always struggled financially but I can’t help think having another 2 children was irresponsible if they can’t pay for what they want for them. It’s very obvious that we are better off due to what we have but I feel they look at us and think we should pay just because we are better off. My husband think she’s cheeky but doesn’t care if we pay or not.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 31/08/2026 08:09

DearCritic · 31/08/2026 06:55

I think just be honest and explain you did it for older ones for selfish reasons, so they could have their cousins with them. Your goal wasn’t for her kids to benefit, but just nice it did. Your goal was for your kids to benefit. But you don’t have any younger ones to benefit from situation, so you don’t be helping.

It’s clear you’re not particularly close with your sister…. But I’m guessing she’d know it was a lie if you said you or DH have been let go so haven’t the spare money etc.

OP paid for her sister's children to benefit both sets of children as they loved doing things together.

Where on earth does OP say that she is considering pretending that she and/or her DH have lost their jobs?

You've got a narrative in your head that OP is the bad guy and you are making stuff up to fit that narrative.

smoothorangejuice · 31/08/2026 08:12

Your husband sounds so generous, hope he is just as generous to you and his own children. No comment, just lovely to hear kind and sane auntie and uncle. Influence them relationally if you can, money without heart is just a weapon.

Gateappreciation · 31/08/2026 08:18

Left · 31/08/2026 08:05

As a parent or grandparent then I think you should treat children/grandchildren equally when circumstances allow. I’d lean towards being equal in this case too. I’d just be super clear about boundaries - what the budget is for a hobby, how many years you will cover, if they can transfer to a different hobby, if it covers special occasions or just weekly classes (eg if it’s dance then the performances and travel would quickly rack up).

But it’s a bit rude for sister to expect op to pay. Op probably has other financial priorities now - pension, helping children at university, getting on the housing market etc.

Also, sister’s situation is different now. She has a partner, another income coming in. Before she was a single mum.

notanothernamesurely · 31/08/2026 08:19

Cheeky! So cheeky!

Are they expensive clubs? Are you talking £3 a session or £50 a session?

could you contribute as a gift? Get the child just a card for bday and Xmas with ‘tokens’ for the club?

Whyherewego · 31/08/2026 08:21

I think that it may be nice to offer a gesture rather than a commitment to fund indefinitely. So how about saying to Dsis that you'd be happy to contribute an amount of money to said hobby or that this could be their birthday present or something like that.
Remember before she was a single mum and now she's in a relationship so there's more income to pay for hobbies too.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 31/08/2026 08:23

Perhaps you should say to your sister that, at the time you paid for her older children, you had not anticipated that she would be foolish enough to go on to have more children that she could not afford to support. Had you realised that she was going to do this, and that she would then expect you to extend your generosity to her younger children, then you'd never have offered to pay for the older children in the first place.

ExpectMore · 31/08/2026 08:24

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 31/08/2026 07:49

Oh my god! This is insane levels of fucking cheek!! I can’t actually believe your sister (and mum!!) have even asked…WTAF?? How on earth are they not embarrassed? 🙈

Your sister couldn’t afford to pay for the hobbies of her ‘first round of children’…so you were incredibly generous (I would not have done that, but hats off to you OP) and they benefited for many years, spent time with their cousins etc.

Now…despite being unable to afford it, they’ve gone on to have TWO MORE children and are expecting YOU to subsidise their lifestyle?? Hell no!

You sound like a kind person…but kindness DOES NOT mean ‘pushover’! Don’t be a pushover! Children don’t ‘need’ hobbies! They don’t ‘need’ to do the same as their much older siblings…and they won’t miss what they’ve never had! And it’s CERTAINLY NOT YOUR JOB to pay for these things!

This.

what I don’t understand is, first time round she was a single parent so understandably needed support.

this time around, she has a DH. Surely they now have more income and if not, she would have known not to have more kids.

Bobbybobbins · 31/08/2026 08:30

I mean YANBU at all. so cheeky!
But could possibly offer a one off contribution as their birthday gift to go towards it?

JuliettaCaeser · 31/08/2026 08:30

She sounds quite dim. Of
course parents and possibly grandparents have to be scrupulously fair in treatment of children in a family but this doesn’t apply to anyone else. So if you took your child’s friend to a theme park you are not obliged to take the friends sibling to be fair.

DearCritic · 31/08/2026 08:31

thepariscrimefiles · 31/08/2026 08:09

OP paid for her sister's children to benefit both sets of children as they loved doing things together.

Where on earth does OP say that she is considering pretending that she and/or her DH have lost their jobs?

You've got a narrative in your head that OP is the bad guy and you are making stuff up to fit that narrative.

Show quote history

She didn’t. I think that’s the alternative to being honest…..! But I think it’ll be easy to get caught in that lie. So I recommended being honest and explaining the situation.
I don’t think OP owes her sisters younger kids any activities.

SweetnsourNZ · 31/08/2026 08:31

This is one of those times when no is a complete sentence. You don't have to justify yourself. Your mum needs to but out too.

5128gap · 31/08/2026 08:35

You are absolutely right in all you say. Tell your sister you paid so the cousins could spend time together and her older ones benefitted from that, but you can't just subsidise all her children, as you've different expenses to cover now your DC are at a different age.
If your parents and sister are annoyed with you, then that's completely unreasonable of them, and while unpleasant for you, shouldn't persuade you to do something that's a ridiculous ask on their part.

2chocolateoranges · 31/08/2026 08:35

You helped her out before as she was a single parent, she is no longer a single parent and chose to have 2 more children when she isn’t financially stable, this is down to her and her partner. Not you.

she sounds so entitled!

JustChillin70 · 31/08/2026 08:42

No, absolutely not. Where does it stop? If your sister keeps spitting out kids are you expected to just keep stumping up for the hobby ad infinitum?
What happens if one of them is really good and decides they want to take it to a high level, are you expected to fund them forever more? Kit, training, competitions, travel, accommodation, the costs can be endless.

dudsville · 31/08/2026 08:42

The circumstances are different, but if I was in your shoes and the financial cost didn't have a negative impact, then I would pay.

dudsville · 31/08/2026 08:43

But I should have added that I agree that the entitlement is outstanding.

EagerRose · 31/08/2026 08:44

This is a very cheeky and entitled request. But what you could do to keep the peace is offer a joint birthday / Christmas present worth ‘X amount’ for a term of such classes or experiences if that would be appropriate. Then they wouldn’t miss out totally, but you would be committed until they are teens!

Sonia1111 · 31/08/2026 08:47

SheGood · 30/08/2026 22:54

Me and my sister had both of our children within months of each other. My sister was younger than me, ended up being a single mum and wasn’t very well off, so we used to pay for her children to do the same hobbies as our children as the they liked being together and my sister wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. Her children stopped doing the hobbies at about 13 as they lost interest. All of the children are now young adults either at uni or working.

My sister has gone on to have 2 children with a new partner who are 3 and 4. She wants them to do the same hobbies as the older children did but can’t afford it. She sent a text today and asked us to pay like we did for her other children. I feel like there is an expectation we do it and my mum has said that we can’t really not do it for the younger children when we did it for the older ones. We can afford it but I feel angry at the expectation. My mum can’t afford to pay as I would tell her to.

We did it for the older ones because it meant our children could do the hobbies with their cousins. If our children weren’t doing it, we wouldn’t have paid. I can understand the argument of doing the same for all of them in a way but there are years between them and the situation isn’t the same.

Are we being unreasonable if we say we are not paying? My sister and partner both work but in low paid jobs. My sister has always struggled financially but I can’t help think having another 2 children was irresponsible if they can’t pay for what they want for them. It’s very obvious that we are better off due to what we have but I feel they look at us and think we should pay just because we are better off. My husband think she’s cheeky but doesn’t care if we pay or not.

I perfectly understand how you feel lol. It could, however (and putting aside all the cheek and your original motivations), be easy birthday and Christmas presents - "here's another year of your hobby". No plastic tat presents, no time-consuming trying to think of what they would like. So simple.

Pinklightning · 31/08/2026 08:47

I‘m sure I’ve read this before except it was to pay for private school after yous paid for activities/holidays so the cousins could do things together.

theonlygirl · 31/08/2026 08:48

Wow, I'm absolutely gobsmacked someone would have the brass neck to ask this. Your sister wins the 2026 CF award. It's a completely different scenario.

Noodles1234 · 31/08/2026 08:51

That is a very cheeky request; any kind donation from you (and wow till rhey were teenagers I thought you were going to put 6 months to a year). You should never expect anything from anyone, should someone offer that’s lovely and you gratefully accept as long as they can, and not complain when it ends.

Just wow. I think you’ve been marvellous for this long, please feel under no obligation.

Dandeloosha · 31/08/2026 08:51

Depends what it is as well. If it’s a weekly ballet class in the church hall or a junior football league in the local park then that could be their birthday/Christmas gifts, but if it’s horse riding or flying lessons then that’s a whole different level of commitment.

EvieBB · 31/08/2026 08:52

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 30/08/2026 23:07

I would consider paying just to make the kids happy. But I agree it's entitled and unreasonable and you don't have to.

This. If you've got the ££ then you could consider it as a nice thing to do for the kids but it is definitely entitled of your sister and she needs telling

JustChillin70 · 31/08/2026 08:53

dudsville · 31/08/2026 08:42

The circumstances are different, but if I was in your shoes and the financial cost didn't have a negative impact, then I would pay.

What would you do if one of the kids had a flair for it and could be very competitive? The costs for most hobbies can rise exponentially once they get to a competitive level?

BeWittyRobin · 31/08/2026 08:54

Personally I would pay because they are your nieces/nephews too and I would treat them all the same because I would want too. Not because it would be expected. I wouldn’t just agree I would tell her the reason you will pay, and call her out on the sheer cheek and expectation and the reason why she has asked. I would go as far as say that your kindness for her older children was done so they didn’t miss out as they were close to your children etc but feel that your kindness was never seen for what it was with her latest ‘request’. And that is what has saddened you greatly. I would also pay the clubs direct and not to your sister. As far as your comment about she shouldn’t have had more kids, that was her choice. Like I said I would because I would want all my nieces/nephews to experience the same because I could afford it regardless of the original reason why I paid. But I certainly would call her out on her attitude and self righteousness and entitlement.