AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

She’s not sexualising your daughter she is trying to protect her from the possibility of some pervert paedo who may be at the pool and getting their rocks off on the mental image of your half naked daughter. It’s wrong that girls have to cover up but you as her parent have a duty to protect her and I don’t think her attire was appropriate either

It might be the norm, but that's not the point.

OP was addressed as though there was something offensive about her DD only wearing pants. And that it wouldn't be allowed in future. And I'm still waiting for some actual logic for a rule like that.

Incidentally, I've just spent five minutes reading Nuffield's rules for children using their pools. And there's not a word about what they have to wear. So I'm guessing that this staff member was making it up.

In Europe most girls don't wear tops until they're 8-9-10yo. Why would they? They're chests are no different to the boys. I took my daughter swimming until she was nearly 3yo in just the nappy bottom cover in the UK as that was the only swimming cover we had! That seemed normal in the swimming lessons we were at too!

My child wasn’t 10 at the time. He was 6-8.

I’d just put them in boys bottoms tbh. Then the staff won’t know

Not a single person in this thread has explained why a 4 year old girl needs to cover her chest when this is not a requirement for 4 year old boys.

There is no way my four year old would accept swimming without a swimsuit or two piece. Or one that isn’t pink and/or frilly for that matter.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it but at that age we’ve discussed parts being private and she knows anything under the swimsuit is private and wouldn’t want to be exposed.

I hated going to the beach as a child and having to get changed on the beach, even at three years old I wouldn’t accept it and would have be taken to the car/loos to get changed. I wouldn’t make DC feel uncomfortable but at the same time wouldn’t think twice about someone else’s child.

Whether the OP agrees or not or she’s going against a social norm for quite a lazy reason. Both of my girls did swimming from 3 months old. I have never seen a girl in a public pool in just bottoms. Now at that age you would bat an eyelid if kids ended up naked in a paddling pool in a private garden but it just isn’t something you see in public pools. Most girls that age will be in one piece swimming costumes in the pool.

I haven't seen girls only wearing bottoms at an indoor pool in the UK unless they're a baby. It really isn't the norm here for girls to be topless in a leisure centre type pool.

My DS wears a top for his swimming lessons because the pool is chilly!

I didn’t want a reaction, I want to make swimming as easy as possible. I was managing both kids on my own today

I always managed my two on my own. Both girls. Both with swimsuits.
I really don't see what's hard about it.

Yes.
I can’t imagine what sort of get up some people are wrestling their kids in and out of?
It really is reaching to insist it’s so much easier to let your dd just wear pants.

I think most 4 year old girls wear swimsuits. I rarely see girls past young toddler age without a top on.

And to add to this my child only swims in a full swimming costume and she is 4 and that’s how it’ll stay for many years as will my son when he is born be in a full swimsuit/wet suit for a good few years.

I’m surprised it’s “the norm” wrestling kids in and out of swimwear is hard

Rash vests maybe, but I never found helping to get swimsuits off difficult and I was a CA at my daughters' school for a time, helping with the swimming as the school has a pool. It might take a few seconds longer than just pants but there's nothing particularly hard about it.

That"s an odd one, but I understand it, because someone with a MH difficulty who had broken into another person"s house and gone to sleep on their couch wouldn"t have noticed or cared!

Not to also derail said thread but seeing as in countries ( or families) where women do not have any choice as to how they practise their faith, girls are forced to wear the hijab and forms of body covering as soon as they start their periods, it is not in doubt that one reason is the sexualisation of young girls once they start puberty and if you read more traditional Muslim advice online it will always have a reference to men’s gaze . Every country has social norms and perhaps most of us have specific ages at which we consider it’s appropriate for a dad to no longer supervises their daughters getting changed, or siblings have a bath together, or what age a girl would cover up their chest.

For me personally I am not sexualising children however I wouldn’t take my 4 year old girl swimming without a full swimming costume or set. I don’t understand why you chose that but we all parent differently and that’s okay.

Not sure what you mean?
What’s so onerous about having to pull up / down the top of a child’s swimsuit?

Saying your 4 year is "non-gender" will get a reaction, a phone call to social services, or at the very least a ban from their swimming pool!

I can't believe you're asking this question in good faith, I really can't.

Here's an anecdote. Many years ago we got (quietly) broken in and in the night, I heard a noise and found a strange man sleeping on the sofa [he turned out to be a neighbour with MH issues rather than a burglar]. I hurried to wake dh (then bf) to deal with him. The first thing dh did was to put on a T shirt before approaching the man.

Why? Certainly not because dh thought the man would find dh's chest sexy. So why did he do it? Dh simply said afterwards "I couldn't speak to a stranger with no top on!"

That's a type of modesty that's not sexual. Try, try to think outside your own paradigm.

I think that one piece swimming costumes are fine for little girls (as are just pants/shorts) but bikini tops are a very strange idea as they emphasise their chest area for no purpose.

Yes same here to be honest, mine always wore a swimsuit. When would you draw the line? 6/7/8/9?

Agreed. I wouldn't have put my dds in just bottoms at that age anywhere but the beach. I think one piece swimsuits are appropriate at any public indoor swimming pool at that age. There will come a point where they have to, so why not make it just ordinary practice instead of having to decide what age the transition is made?

I agree they are more common and think it’s more sexualising for a young DC to wear a bikini - however OP is right that it’s easier to put pants on and off than the top/straps of a swimsuit

I’m astounded by this response, do you actually think getting dressed and undressed into swimwear is as easy as getting dressed and undressed into a tee shirt and joggers for example?! And if so, wtf am I doing wrong? And I’m only changing myself, not a child.

This. Why would “wrestling” her out of a swimming costume be so much more onerous than pants?
It just isn’t.