Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

I would 100% go for her, YANBU

I was going into Manchester on my own and doing the Jilly’s all nighters at that age, then dossing down in the old Piccadilly Gardens until the first train home, straight into opening up the cafe on my Saturday job. She’s 17, not 7.

Is it dangerous out there for women? Yes. Should that mean you wrap yourself in cotton wool, or should it mean that you learn how to defend yourself so you’re at less of a disadvantage? No brainer. I’ve often wandered late at night in both remote and urban deprived areas. Never had an issue and never felt unsafe. The violence I’ve experienced as a female has always come from people I know in familiar places so whatcha gonna do?

Talk about burying the lede

I know people don’t read TFT but come on. They’ve been home over 15 hours and the clean up will be well underway now

Go get her, you'd never forgive yourself if anything happened.

Your DH is an AH. If he's having an emotional affair it doesn't sound to far off from being real, if he cba looking out for his 17yo daughter. Perhaps kick him into touch early..?...

I think she explained her feeling of insecurity at being alone in the dark. That said, if it were my daughter, I would pick her up but let her know, in no uncertain terms, that it is the first and last time,

More pissed off with your teen than with your husband having an emotional affair at work and belittling your PTSD?
Sure you would.

All these people saying kids are Molly coddled and should be made to catch last trains and camp extra nights. Well I'm 51 and my mum always picked me up from late night parties when I was 16/17/18, so it's not a new thing.

Also my husband often collects me now and I often collect him. It's just nice to help out your family.

Rappel said what I wanted to say OP. My ex wasn’t too bad in fairness, and we’re friends now more than a decade later, but it was far better without him.

You did everything right this weekend OP. Your husband should be embarrassed. A very young woman scrabbling around on her own for a hotel in Reading on festival weekend? No way!

The emotional affair is absurd too. What a fool.

I’d honestly suggest seeing a family solicitor in the coming weeks, armed with financial info. Not least because you need to get ahead of him possibly leaving you for the colleague and being in charge of the timescale. He may already have done his homework with regards to money so you need to be a bit clever.

Crashed out soon after I posted 😴 so relieved to wake up and see this OP. Well done - I do think this was the right thing to do, I’m glad you found it okay and I hope you’re proud of yourself.

To all of the people saying she should have camped or got an early lift or made her own way home with the apparent implication this makes them a better a parent - I don’t think it does.

Even for those camping the whole weekend it’s advisable to clear out on Sunday night - Sunday night is historically when things have gone pear shaped, tents getting set alight etc - so I would not want any one I cared about to camp the last night anyway.

It was also like The Somme yesterday evening - not great conditions all weekend but completely grim last night.

Going to Reading and then leaving early before the headline act is ridiculous - and I disagree that any teen being made to do that is going to think that’s reasonable or their parents are teaching them some great life lessons…other than that their parents are petty twats.

OP - I hope your DD had a great time and you’ve all had a great night’s sleep.

Well done OP

FWIW I left a very shitty marriage when my DC were teens and it was a lot easier steering them through the festival years when it was completely just on me.

No expectations of their shitty father, just showing them they could rely on me, and teaching them how to navigate things like plans changing. Lots of strong women supported me and at some point I realised I was one myself too.

There is almost zero relevance to how things were done ‘in my day’ - the world, society and technology has changed vastly. There is instant communication so we think we can flex plans and then there is signal blackouts so we feel stranded. There is a plan to camp and then there is soggy reality for one night too long. There are always people saying teens are entitled because they want help, whilst ignoring the mental health crisis in older generations- maybe we didn’t learn resilience! Maybe we are all a little bit broken from that!

For me the approach of ‘treat my teen how I’d have liked to be treated myself’ has worked better than ‘they will learn their lesson’.

Good luck OP you did something brave last night, PTSD is a huge encumbrance, you should feel proud of yourself. Good luck for the future. I have a feeling you are about to enter a new era of happiness.

Well done mylot.

Good for you.

Sounds like a very worthwhile and positive thing in the end.

Id be more pissed off with a 17 year old who couldn't commit to a night of camping like she said she would

Agree with this.

Well done OP for the late trip and doing the drive.

I do feel like these teens (mine included) feel like they can dictate all the terms of lifts like we are some taxi/shuttle bus service. My parents would never have collected me at 1am - it would have been get the last train or get a cab. This made me pretty streetwise and independent.

I’m going to be having a few words with DS - he ditched his 11.30 lift for a 1am lift and rocked home at 3am (we were doing lots of lift shares with other parents).

There’s a balance between wanting them to be safe but also encouraging them to sort all this out in advance and stick to the plan. I am happy it’s over!

In the OP’s second post she says the original plan was that last night her daughter was getting a lift back with another parent. It’s not clear why that plan was ditched. Did the other parent pull out? I would be more unhappy with teenager and other parent who was supposed to be giving a lift than husband over this although unhappy with husband for other reasons. Any future festivals or trips away with friends need better travel plans and no stupid 1am lift expectations.

He's also in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20yrs younger, she was reluctant due to ptsd which he knows she has and was rude to her. .....I'm guessing its the icing on the cake.

This is the most baffling thing I’ve ever read on this site.

you’re ending your marriage because he made you drive?

Good, glad your DD is safe. Now keep yourself safe and figure out how to rescue yourself from what sounds like a disrespectful husband.

Am I going mental,or is the most important sentence of this post "Bearing in mind he is in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger at work". Go get your daughter and tell your "DH" to get lost!

Very well done OP! You should feel really proud of yourself for overcoming your fears and putting your daughters safety first.

Your DH is a dick.

Well done.

Who needs a man who’ll undermine you and dismiss safety for your daughter and other children/yps? Not you!

Well done, OP

Keen to know if your DD is now home safe OP? Literally just back from Reading myself - been there with DDs. Weather and conditions awful this weekend, Sunday night camping can be pretty dodgy in any case. I would always pick up. I would also LTB. What a selfish prick.