AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night?

Find your voice OP. We’re treated how we allow ourself to be treated. Personally I’d be making arrangements to disappear for a couple of hours. I mean surely he can’t complain, as he does the same weekly? Get in touch with a friend or family member and go for lunch or coffee somewhere. Hint that this might become a regular thing. Take back control, even if just for a couple of hours a week.

If he’s out all day at football, he should be up with the kids as soon as they’re up, walking the dog on his own (why the hell do you do it together?!) and giving you a lie in, as much as possible around feeds, until he leaves.

If Dh is out with friends at night (and that is rare because we prioritise weekends as a family) and I’m at home doing everything, he’s the one who gets up at 6am, drinks the night before or not, and takes the kids out for the day so I get a break then.

OP, this is appalling verbally abusive behaviour by a selfish bare minimum dad.

Only the really poor dads behave like this.
He's like a single man.

Unfortunately your bar is low if you think his single lifestyle is compatible with a family.

His foul language, no doub around your children, is completely unacceptable.

I hope you have family support because you and your children deserve better than this arsehole.

When I read posts like this and a lot of the replies it all just sounds so depressing.

When our kids were small and they woke up early one of us would go and get them milk then we’d put them in our bed in the middle with some cartoons and we’d usually all end up dozing until 8.

There was none of this dh disappearing for half the weekend every weekend.

Weekends were for visiting family together, going to the park with the dc, cooking together, days out or doing the garden/DIY.

It’s like some couples on mumsnet hate spending time together.

I mostly agree with all this but that pov leaves out the detail of the child being unwell and not eating much yesterday. That would be the difference between me sticking to the water only rule or getting up and giving milk.

As your child was poorly, then I would have woken up with them and got them milk.
I’d have likely dozed on the sofa.

But on a day when they’re not poorly, I would have told them to have water for now and they can have milk when you get up in a bit.

I assume most parents of young kids get up around 7 anyway and so it’s not like it was ridiculously early.

I think I have been parenting all wrong. I gave my sick kids anything they asked for at any time, and certainly at 6.30 am.

There is nothing wrongl with saying only water that early and to go back to bed until 8pm. That's what my children got used to. No need for everyone to be sleep deprived. It also gives them clock reading skills. Leave a glass of water at the side of the bed.

What's the point of this?

They've made it up. Storm in a teacup.

Why are others still hell bent on creating drama?

The OP and her dh are probably enjoying time together now. Doesn't look as if she'll be back.

I'm only still here to defend myself against what I can consider myself to be weirdos who dredge up my past posts and seem to have some kind of weird fixation on me.

A couple of hours?

You have a prince of a man there. Is his name Andrew?

OK you are BF the baby, but he could take both for a long walk for two hours so you can have a bit of you time, then take the older child off out for the day so you can chill with the baby.

Ah yes.. because kids don't get up at a certain time every day. Going to work is not harder than looking after kids, it's actually shown to be one of the most stressful jobs out there. He had a proper sleep. The morning before. It was OPs turn. But he couldn't be arsed to get his child a drink of milk in the morning.

And yeah they've made up. But OP still hasn't had her lay in has she and she still has to save up to be able to afford to take the time to raise his kids and keep paying half the bills. So she provides half the money, more than half of the childcare, gets less than half of the lay ins and gets less than half of the free time. All for the pleasure of getting told to fuck off in the morning.

6-6.30am might be the middle of the night to an adult who isn't expecting to get up for hours yet but it's most definitely morning to a small child.

I say nothing about your H. Others have done so.

I agree with this. If you want him to deal with them, let him make the decisions. Mine weren't allowed anything other than water before 7am and we had a little clock to encourage staying in bed until 7.

You seem to want to control everything including how long a lie in is. He shouldn't have sworn at you but who wouldn't be annoyed at being constantly questioned and undermined over every little decision!

Great post.
'Fuck off' isn't always used as a term of aggression these days, just, as you say, mild annoyance.

It's replaced 'Oh for goodness sake' these days.

Never in the history of children has an upset, crying, poorly 4yo gone back to sleep at 6:30 (when it's light outside, and it sounds like 6:30 is your normal wake up time?!)

Your husband was being ridiculous. And I think it's equally ridiculous when people tell mums they mustn't undermine their husbands at all costs, even when said husband is causing measurable, unnecessary upset to a small child.

Do you get an equivalent of the football and the pub?

I don’t think that’s very fair tbh. I often tell my husband to fuck off, sometimes it’s playful, sometimes it is in mild annoyance.

He’s playfully winding me up
“oh will you fuck off”

He’s trying to get on with something and I’m being peformatively clingy
“go on, away with you, fuck off”

One of you is faffing about trying to leave the house
”could you hurry up and fuck off to the shops please”

One of you is making a slightly ridiculous point about something
“oh fuck off what are you talking about”

etc etc.

None of them are inherently poor ways to speak to someone within the context of your relationship. Tone and context do matter.

In the OPs case it’s hard to tell - she sounds like she was interfering when it was supposed to be DHs turn to sort the children and martyring herself by giving up her lie in. Children can be asked to wait or go back to bed, particularly at the weekend. He doesn’t need to come in at 6am and demand milk at 4. The way she has written it makes her DH sounds like a dickhead but his version of events could easily have been

My wife and I disagree about morning wake up times at the weekend. I think our 4yo should have to wait until 7:30 to go downstairs but she is happy for them
to be up from 6am. It’s causing a problem because we take turns to lie in and she ends up getting up on her lie in day to sort children and then accuses me of taking her time to rest. At 4yo I think children can be told to go back to bed and rest or to play quietly until a more socially acceptable hour.

it’s really easy to paint him as the villain from a one sided story. My exSIL used to do the same thing with my brother and their behaviour management for my niece. She would accuse him of not backing her up or not doing any parenting because her strategy was to shout at her and make her sit on the naughty step. When you watched it actually he WAS doing some parenting but it was softer and he preferred to jolly her along or distract, rather than cause a scene in front of people. If she had written a post he would have come out as unsupportive and lazy but it wasn’t the reality at all.

But why has he not also saved to cover your part of the bills? Yes contribute but you shouldn’t be paying half still while on Mat pay FFS

Please just ignore twatty comments like that.

(Incidentally, there’s a couple of incelly posters who seem to come on every thread of this type these days.)

I’m not surprised you were fucked off with your husband. He was being ridiculous and horrible. Hope his apology lasts longer than today.

If DH EVER told me to fuck off he knows I’d do exactly that and pack my bags and leave!
How dare your husband speak to you like that!
I don’t have children but I do work with them so I will always encourage firm but fair boundaries however the poor little mite has been unwell and is obviously starving, of course as a loving carer you’re going to give him some milk as that’s what he needs (need not want is important).

One of my friends suggested dh take up golf with her dh every Sat when my twins were a few months old - I flat out objected, dh wanted to have kids and looking after them all week by myself was bloody hard, he could at least be at home at the weekend sharing the parenting. I wouldn't be too happy about Saturday being an all day sports and then the pub - but we're all different.

It's exhausting having small kids, negotiating the rules and the jobs, sleepless nights - you need to look after each other and the kids, you both need to keep talking about your needs and wants too.

I think you’re feeling (quite reasonably) resentful that he has a day to himself every weekend while you wrangle the kids. Maybe suggest that you take the other (non-sports) day to yourself for the next few weekends.

The OP’s husband is the “kind of idiot”

but sadly… now minimising

Original question: 6.30 is the morning, and from the sound of it the usual wake up time for your child. You were up that time yesterday so it was his turn today if that is the system.

Though I would add that if either of you are up with the baby during the night, that person should get the lie in in the morning as it isn't so much a lie in as catching up on lost sleep. At 4 months my bf baby was still waking about 5 times a night so DH always did the morning shift to give me 2-3 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Re maternity leave/finances: unless you earn much more than your DH it doesn't sound fair that it is your savings being used to fund maternity leave i.e. essential childcare for your joint child. NB women's careers often take a hit from this time away in any event. Also bills shouldn't necessarily be 50:50, again it depends on how much you both earn.

I'm not.

This doesn't sound like dv, though.