AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night?

The telling you to fuck off is 100% unacceptable and you need to call him out on that and make very clear that if he's ever that disrespectful to you again then you will have to have serious thoughts about whether you want him in the house. Do you want your son to be telling you to fuck off repeatedly by the time he's a teen? Do you want him thinking that this is the way to treat a partner and treating some poor young girl this way? If you want ds to have any respect for women then you need to command that respect for yourself.

On the flip side your son also needs to learn that the man can be a respected and trusted member of the family unit and undermining dad isn't going to teach him this. FWIW I would 100% have gotten my kid whatever he wanted overnight if he'd been poorly. However if you take the 'my night his night' approach then you have to be prepared to relinquish a bit of the control. It's tough as your maternal instinct was telling you that not allowing DS to have the milk was wrong. I would probably have told DS you'd go and get him a glass but then he needs to either sit quietly in his own bed/your bed and do a quiet activity until an agreed time. Ultimately you either have to let dad deal with it though or accept the extra burden on yourself without resentment. Maybe dad could help in other ways eg taking ds to the park/swimming later in the day. If you're struggling with dad's parenting style in general then that's probably a conversation to have when ds isn't around and you aren't tired/stressed.

Its certainly not the middle of the night thats just silly

Not ridiculous at all. Many, many of us don't want the sort of relationship where it's acceptable to tell each other to fuck off. He wasn't saying it in jest so what tone would make it acceptable? The answer is no tone whatsoever and particularly not in front of a 4 year old.
And this hard done by individual had already had his lie in the day before. Not only that, he had also spent the rest of the day trying to pretend he didn't have a family.

A couple of whole hours for yourself only because he was a twat ... a twat who gets a whole day for himself every weekend ...

What do you mean that you're going to have to report her if she replies to you?
On what grounds?! You feel the need to reply to everything, she's just replying back to you.
Dear me.

Anyway ignoring silly posts...

@Shezz95 if this is a one off then shit happens and people say heated stuff but you might want to have a look at how much you each do and whether that's building any resentment. Having small children is savage. I wouldn't be happy with the financial arrangement you have, I've never come across that. It's very easy to minimise afterwards and gloss over stuff (particularly when u have an avalanche of opinions on here) but some calm retrospective thought can be very helpful. I hope your toddler feels better x

We're all up at 6am every day, so 6:30 is hardly the middle of the night (though it feels like it in the depths of winter!). He needs to sort out his priorities.

Another man who thinks the children are his wife's hobby.

What????? Did you read the post??

In the OPs case it’s hard to tell - she sounds like she was interfering when it was supposed to be DHs turn to sort the children and martyring herself by giving up her lie in.

I'm absolutely disgusted at this response.. for OP to be a 'martyr' it would mean that she has chosen to forgo a lie in just so she can feel hard done to.. that isn't what's happened at all, she was woken up and has prioritised the needs of her child over her own need for a lie in because her DH refuses to help him.. nothing "martyrish" about that at all.

I couldn't lie in bed while all that was going on, I'd be too furious to go back to sleep anyway, listening to my DH trying to engineer himself more time in bed, rather than seeing to our child who has been unwell.. selfish prick.

I'm sorry if you continue to reply to me after this post I'm going to have to report.

I've already done so and though I'm unsure if a post of your's that has been removed was because of me - or indeed addressed to me-I will say that while it's fine to disagree and robust disagreement is fine, it does seem that you are a bit fixated on me in particular.

I find that disturbing.

I'm going to have to report if you reply to me again.

The way you are following me around is starting to feel a bit creepy.

Wow. That's an interesting take.

You say he is quite sweary
BUT he is swearing at you. I have been with DH for over 40 years never sworn at each other.

Oh calm down

Here you are, thankfully a tiny tiny minority basically saying that the OP is in the wrong and saying fuck off to you partner in front of your children is totally ok, when you have your own relationship issues and planning to leave. So focus on that rather than downplaying what to most of us is a pretty disturbing spat

After being unwell and possibly off his food, the little child might suddenly be hungry.

I feel so sorry for children that are exposed to such foul men.

Lie ins, football, the pub, verbally abusing their post partum partners, angry and foul mouthed around a child recovering from illness.

Absolutely toxic and abusive behaviour.
OP, tell your family and friends you need support.
I feel so sorry for you and your children.

He's a low life and you need support.

Maybe in your relationship @Morethanalover

but clearly not the case in the OP’s hence her starting the thread

Just focus on your own relationship issues maybe @Morethanalover

I don’t think OP has elaborated outside this one point, that much, on how they do things jointly, financially. Everyone does things differently when it comes to finance. Me and my dh have separate accounts. Although he earns more than me we split bills 50/50, but it all balances out, as he will pay for holidays or meals out. Everyone has different set ups. There’s no wrong or right way, just a way that works for you.

It isn't hyperbole at all!

I feel sorry for the poor 4 year old! Not very well, waking up at his normal wake up time, hungry because he's not eaten, and being told by his dad that he can't have a glass of milk and he needs to go back to bed. Then he wants to stop OP seeing to him and causes a scene over it

What a prick.

I couldn't stand to be in a relationship with someone who disappeared for half the weekend and spoke to me with such disrespect.

I agree with you.

Unless swearing is the norm in a household, then a man saying or doing something that he wouldn't have dreamed of doing on your first few dates is totally unacceptable.

It shows that familiarity has bred contempt and once that has happened who know what will happen next.

He should speak to you-and you to him-with love and respect.

If either party loses their head, there should be an immediate apology.

Do not allow yourself to be treated worse than he would treat his mother, his friends or his employer. If you think you are being, then you need to have a long cool look at the situation.

Loving someone means you treat them better than anyone else or at least try to. No-one is a plaster saint but if being loved and treated well is the exception rather than the rule, then why make yourself into a rub rag.

Of course, if you live in a chaotic unloving household when you are both telling each other to fuck off to the extent that "tone matters" then crack on and revel in the happy home.

How on earth does she seem unbearable?!

OP- I totally agree- a 4 year old who’s been unwell wanting milk at 6.20am is entirely within the realms of reasonable/normal. If it were my turn to get up I’d just be pleased they were better and sort them out with milk, blanket on the sofa and some tv whilst I pottered/had a coffee.

Mine are old enough to get themselves breakfast but we used to alternate weekend lie ins and 9am was the norm unless one of us had been out/very tired or up with the kids a lot in the night.

I wouldn’t be cuddling anyone who told me to fuck off. Especially when I spent the previous day caring for their poorly children while they go to football and pub. Whilst running down my savings to pay bills on maternity leave. What a revolting, selfish man.

Christ this is sad. You’re on reduced wage but still expected to pay half, so you had to save up? I view that as financial abuse