AIBU to expect my husband to pay me back for deposit money?

I don't think it's necessarily relevant whether you have joint or separate accounts, because you're married - but once the business is up and running, I would expect the business to be paying back the personal savings, whether they're in your name or both names - but it will also depend on what agreement you signed, and whether you expect it back as a lump sum or smaller payments over an agreed period (which I should have thought was more likely.)

As you said there are other benefits to being married. I think it’s perfectly fine to have joint or separate or a mix of both even if you are married. I would want to pay for my husband’s birthday present out of my own rather than the joint account for example. As long as there is no financial abuse either works.

I mean, if you keep finances separate then I can understand you wanting the money back. But I don’t see the point in getting married if you want to keep your finances separate. For me, it completely defeats the point.

If the thought of sharing everything terrifies you, it's simple, just live together as though married but don't get married!

Living together long term is fine - I know couples who have been doing that 25+ years although, interestingly, now some are getting married or becoming civil partners to avoid one of them having to pay inheritance tax if the other dies...

And something that isn’t ?

The marriage act is clear. Section 25 . Matrimonial causes act 1975
”fair settlement”

the courts can’t even sign off a consent agreement unless rules of fair settlement are met. Not all rules apply to everyone, and it depends on how much money/assets are in marriage. BUT all assets are included; pensions, property, business, chattels, income. No exceptions. Starting point on divorce forms you complete for a financial agreement, is legal requirement to declare all assets. No matter what.

if, and only if, there are enough assets in marriage to meet rules of fair settlement, will a court then potentially agree to couples meeting previous agreements like prenups, loan agreements, inheritance etc.

Consent orders have been turned down by court for not meeting fair settlement- head over to divorce board to see historic examples of this.

sure, fire ahead with loan agreements, and keeping your assets seperately if it makes you happy. But if you think it will protect you against where your spouse is poorer, feckless, abusive or anything else, if your combined assets are limited, from them walking with “your” assets, then dream on. A marriage certificate is a legal arrangement to share your assets with another. That legally stopped you being financially independent from day you married.

there is a reason why Lady Hale, who was involved in modifying this law, calls it the “law of shared misery”.

You are married.
For richer, for poorer.
if his business does really well, I am assuming you will enjoy the benefits too?
We have one joint account. I manage it because my husband is not financially engaged. He has always earned far more than me and trusts me totally.

I think joint finances are great until they're not. Joint for some bits but keep plenty separate. You are spot on. He must pay you back as you would if he had loaned you.

30k is hardly pennies, and seeing as 50% of marriages do end, it sounds much more sensible than keeping you fingers crossed that your life will play out like a Disney film.

I wouldn’t expect to be paid back in the traditional sense, but the family savings (because I would see them as family savings) should be replenished from the profits of the business.

We have what we consider to be shared finances but we don’t have joint accounts. We just don’t keep a running tally, we don’t pay each other back and we don’t split household costs or restaurant bills.

You’re married with children not lodgers. Everything is joint.

Everything goes into one account, has since we moved in together about a year into our relationship, together 20 years shortly, each of us has been the higher earner at times and we've had times we've been well off and times that are lean. I don't recognise this idea of everything remaining yours after marriage and kids. That said we have similar outlooks o. Life and approaches to spending and saving and communicate a lot and openly about money. I think therefore being completely 1 pot has been beneficial for our relationship but I'm not sure it's for everyone because of one you is spendy and the other savey it's be msierable

Not everything is automatically joint

You got married?! It's literally a contract that makes all your stuff shared.

Why would you do that if you didn't want to share stuff?

Not unreasonable to want it back. However, are you going to share any of the profits?

Yet another thread about how married people today don't share their money and assets and see everything as separate.

Why are people getting married if they want to keep everything separate?
I understand keeping finances separate but I don't understand getting married if you want to do this?

It's a business loan, not a personal loan. If you'd lent him the money to go on holiday, that would be different but surely there are tax reasons for declaring it to be a business loan?

The use of ‘Honey’ is deeply patronising. Fuck off with your ‘honey’!

Providing the two of you are happy with how you handle your money (and no one is being taken advantage off) what your friends think is irrelevant.

When one partner puts themself in a financially vulnerable situation for the sake of the other partner, I think joint accounts (or some other mechanism that gives the vulnerable partner fair access to money) is essential. And if one partner lives a far swankier lifestyle while the other is unable, then I think you're probably looking at a pretty horrendous relationship. But in other than those situations, separate money just means you manage your money separately. It's not a fundamental indicator of the relationship you have.

As someone who has gone through a divorce I think it's wise to have at least some of your own money. Even if the divorce will result in you having a share of the total assets it's important to have access to money in the early stages too, especially if you need to find money for a rental deposit or pay solicitors. I know some solicitors are fine with getting paid once the settlement is done, but not all. There are many women who can't afford representation so they get shafted when the man gets a shit hot lawyer.

We pool and I don’t get the point of getting married if everything is going to be separate. Plus peoples fortunes change and you may be on the upside of such an arrangement at one point and find you are very much on the doswnside of it at another point in time. Plus once you are married any assets you accumulate are always at risk during a divorce.

Having said that if thats what you agreed to then thats what you agreed to and you both signed up to it, as long as theres no financial abuse then fair enough.

If they are married i thought all assets, were joint

Maybe, but it can show evidence of intent to a judge

If for some reason things change and he becomes the main breadwinner will presumably you will be happy for him to squirrel away lots of savings and treat them as his.

I don't think you are necessarily being reasonable or unreasonable, as long as you would think it fair if the situation reversed. DH and I have switched who is main breadwinner a couple of times so I am glad we have behaved consistently

We are married, two woman if its any relevance, we absolutely have our own bank accounts and separate savings,we do spilt the bills and don't have joint children if that makes a difference?
I would lend my wife anything she needed but would expect it back, l havecl to think about my adult children's future. My ex kids dad ,completely ripped me of and left me in so much debt and homeless im not ever going to be in that position again.
Things have changed over the years im now main breadwinner so l pay for more fun stuff, when she was she did.
So l think separate finances absolutely fine.