Are you a girls girl? Annoying neighbour isn't

Yep. I think OP is furious with him - as she should be - but is doing what many women do and blaming the other woman rather than putting the blame on the one who is actually betraying her.

Granted, it's not a cheating scenario, but it's definitely awful of him to flirt with some woman who's deliberately ignoring his wife, right in front of her too. And there's no chance at all he doesn't notice, the whole "she's so nice" schtick is an attempt to deflect what he knows OP is thinking and wants to say.

My husband and I went to a friend's anniversary get together a while back, it was a kind of garden party affair, people moving around chatting, lots of tables, people getting up and down, we knew some people and some we didn't.

After a while, we found ourselves a quiet table and were sitting cosily chatting when a strange woman plonked herself beside my husband, round his side of the table. She said, oh is it ok if it here mostly to him but kind of in my direction - I answered sure, of course. She claimed not to know anyone - that turned out to be a lie a bunch of women on the other side of the room knew her a we found out later.

She then pretty much immediately started ostentatiously flirting with him. It was actually bizarre. She actually asked him if he thought her top was too low cut - I laughed, adjusted my own not inconsiderable cleavage and said "If you've got it flaunt it" - she sort of glanced at me and then went back to entirely directing herself at him and ignoring me.

It was like something out of a comedy sketch and it was genuinely funny because first he looked startled, then he turned his seat towards me and ignored her and when she still attempted to engage he stood up and asked me to go to the bar with him, and we buggered off to wander around and talk to other people.

If he'd pretended not to notice that she was flirting and ignoring me, if he'd engaged with her and encouraged her I'd have accidentally spilled wine on his crotch and gone to find a friend to chat to (I maybe be joking, but probably not).

He'd never do this to me, and he didn't pretend to be clueless, he was just gobsmacked at her nerve, and so we both had a good laugh. Because we're on the same team.

Her husband is the one she should be angry at, not the woman who's flirty advances he's enjoying in front of his wife at her expense.

I'm not a girls girl and whilst I am happy to talk to most people, I find women that identify themselves as a "girls girl" hard to talk too as I find we have less in common.

You've no idea who reported your comment. If it was a personal attack it will have been deleted. And no - it wasn't me. I didn't see it.

I do wonder if there was a video recording of man and woman talking and it was played on here how many would see 2 people talking and how many would have some back story, she is flirting and doesn't want any other person around or he wants to cheat with her or some other saga behind it

A women's woman' sounds daft, so where's the middle ground? I'm not that interested in other people but will speak with either sex equally if they have something interesting to say and not just blethering on about mundane things.

Yeah, I read your comment, and it was unnecessarily mean and petty, tbh.

And actually, much less likely, as if they thought pp was boring they'd just chat to each other about what they wanted to chat about.

Any woman claiming all women are mean to her/avoiding her is a) lying or b) delusional or c) treats all women like absolute crap. If you are a woman who claims all women are mean to you/avoiding you then it's you who are the common denominator. That's something to explore in therapy, with a female psychologist.

I wonder if it's because they're wanting to stick to safe ground? Or maybe they save all their baby-oriented talk for the mum and baby group and have other friends for other things - or they're just deep in the trenches and can't think of anything else?

I do find most people in general aren't interested in the sorts of things I like to talk about, but the one mum and baby group I went to was very boring and awkward - although I ended up leaving for other reasons. I don't think dads would've been more interesting though 😅

I would avoid a woman who was clearly just flirting and seeking attention. Or just being rude and talking only to the men.

But if you’re one of the women who struggles to form female friendships because of your own insecurities/reasons, how are you supposed to ever make them if they all refuse to bother with you?

It then becomes self-fulfilling thay you end up with them men as you’re treated with suspicion for not having any (female) friends. I find that really sad.

I'd be more pissed off with my husband commenting someone is no nice when they've consistently and deliberately frozen me out, infront of him.

100% no question.

When I had my baby and I joined mum and baby groups to make some mum friends I couldn’t believe how dull so many of the women were. Their only interest seemed to be their children and being a mum. Work, culture, politics, current affairs… nothing

Yep.

However, some female flirts are able to at least pretend to be interested in women, or actually even are able to maintain female friendships. She's a flirt, a pickme and she's not worth bothering with.

What is very odd however, is her boyfriend is pretending not to notice that she's ignoring the OP on purpose.

Theyre not my people either. I'd rather be friends with women any day

I'm thinking thigh length boots and a crop top.

(This is just a joke for those who have had a senseofhumourectomy)

Yup. Same. I have loads of female friends, always found it super easy to make female friends.

But yeah there are women like that who just find men so mucccchhh eassiierrr to talk to, honest guv 😆

And that's because they think of other women as a threat/competition and have no interest in female friendships. I've known a couple of women like this, they're not worth bothering with.

Yes, I have very few friends generally – but my close friends are all women who share my interests and gel with me. In situations like OP's though, and other acquaintance-level, purely small talk scenarios, I can find men less daunting to talk to on a 'what do I say? How do I come across? Do I look like an idiot?' level, (although I often avoid them because I feel less safe around them). Women are a lot more socially difficult as I feel like I'm supposed to fit in with them, and I generally don't, in the circles I move in! Which is why I frequently end up talking to no one

How do we know that's what OP's neighbour is, though? In a previous comment I listed any number of reasons she might be behaving this way, and they're not necessarily because she's unpleasant. And even if she is seeking male validation, that's (unfortunately) understandable in a patriarchy and is really rather sad for the neighbour. A little tolerance and understanding might be in order, if she isn't being outright rude or nasty.

What’s your look?!

I don’t think I generalised at all. I’m sorry if that’s how you read it and feel the need to correct the misunderstanding. I started the sentence with ‘in the most recent case’, clearly referring to a specific set of circumstances.

I absolutely do not think that most women are racist, which is why I was more taken aback in this SPECIFIC case, and if pushed for stats, I certainly know more men with racist views than women.

Anyway. I feel that in groups of women there is sometimes the unspoken rule that everyone must agree, and expressing a different opinion openly is not good form. I’m someone that often expresses what they truly think and don’t like to agree just to be pleasant and retain harmony. I don’t shy away from discussions where points of view differ, or challenging someone - I love that style of conversation, debating, co-thinking. Some may see it as ‘difficult’.

But as I say, I’ve not had much success in all-female groups, so I genuinely don’t know/ lack expertise.

Did she though? The ops husband was there and 'didnt notice' why isnt he including the op in the conversation. Its normal to turn towards the person you are talking to, this could have been inadvertent. Struggling to understand that if this was deliberate, no one else picked up on it. Whats stopping the op from moving or just joining in. We only have one side this could be a misinterpretation.

Yabu for saying 'girls girl' 🤮😬 Personally I get on better with men. I work in a traditionally male environment, some of my interests are male dominated so I sometimes have more in common with men than women. Maybe she just likes your husband more or senses your unease around her.

Ultimately though - who cares? If you trust your husband even if she fancies the pants of him it will go nowhere if he is loyal. I dont care when others seem attracted to my dh - i back myself up, I am a 'good catch' and I trust him so it just backs up that I have picked a good one.

Its more likely though that she has more in common with him and finds him easier to talk to and/or you have some insecurities maybe?

There's a world of difference between ND women who can sometimes be a bit socially awkward but respond positively to people (of either sex) who are open and friendly and women who are ruled by their fannies, light up around men and deliberately exclude the partners of the men they are flirting with.

The issue is not that this neighbour is friendly with @Dogwalkinthedark 's husband, it's that she turned her back on @Dogwalkinthedark and blocked her from the conversation. Nice people include everyone in a conversation and nice people maintain a polite distance when talking to someone of the opposite sex when one or both of them is in a relationship.