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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think people are less sociable and friendly nowadays?

294 replies

HotPatoot · 29/08/2026 09:44

I’ve always been a very sociable person and this worked well for me as a child through to university. I made friends everywhere I went as a child, invaluable on family holidays, starting new hobbies etc.
as I’ve got older I’m finding it near on impossible to communicate with people, everyone is so closed in their own world.

a few examples - I started a new job just after Christmas. On my break on first day I went into staff room and saw a colleague sat there on her phone so I walked over all cheerful and said “hi, I’m Patoot, it’s my first day!”. She glanced up from her phone, gave a fake smile and said “ok, hi?” ??? I followed up with “what’s your name?” So she said “Sheila”. I asked how long she’d worked there at which point she looked visibly annoyed and said “sorry i need to reply to this message” and started typing away on her phone. I made myself a cuppa and then went to sit again at her table at which point she gathered her stuff and left!!

another example - I joined a new fitness class. Before the class started I saw a woman sat on her own and went across to say hello. She smiled and told me her name so I asked if she’d done this class before and she said she had. I asked what it was like and she looked annoyed and said “it’s a fitness class?” And shrugged. I asked if she does any other classes and she got her phone out and just ignored me from then on.

example from this morning! I got on the bus, there was a woman sitting alone so I sat next to her and cheerfully commented on the traffic. She smiled, nodded and then fixed her eyes on the window away from me.

what is wrong with people these days?? AIBU to think the UK has got much less friendly or do people just become less sociable as they age??

OP posts:
TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 31/08/2026 20:45

Anarchy99 · 31/08/2026 20:20

Of course it’s more important if someone wants to be left alone.

I’m not talking about a few words to a stranger - young interaction sounds fine as you were polite but managed to extricate yourself.

Why do people think their need to make friends is something to be foisted onto others? The irony is that if extroverts could read the room then they would find their people.

I always try to be polite to them but after reading this thread it is crystal clear that it’s about mutual conversation but an inability to mind your own business and let others do the same.

I know quite a few extroverts who are weirdly spectacularly bad at reading people.

My mum was and is absolutely awful for attaching herself to people and, without pause, launching into some extensive coded anecdote that she knows we're not interested in being audience for for the nth time. Mostly the poor sods on the receiving end are too polite to shake her off, but my god, the umbrage when someone rebuffs her monologues is unreal.

I guess watching her do this all through my childhood has made me very sensitive to whether someone is genuinely interested or engaged.

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2026 21:03

Wow. 5 quotes on the trot. Is that a record?

As I said. Always up to everyone to protect the needs of introverts. Always up to them to “read the room”. No flexibility. No kindness. All one way.

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/08/2026 21:15

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2026 21:03

Wow. 5 quotes on the trot. Is that a record?

As I said. Always up to everyone to protect the needs of introverts. Always up to them to “read the room”. No flexibility. No kindness. All one way.

I'm an extrovert myself. If I want to chat, of course it is up to me to read the room. Why wouldn't it be?

Firefly1987 · 31/08/2026 21:22

@SouthLondonMum22 yeah but by the time someone like OP has "read the room" they've already pissed off the person who doesn't want to talk by even trying. These people don't want to be approached-ever.

They'll not be happy until it's a colder less friendly world for everyone just to suit them, lets face it.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 31/08/2026 21:28

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2026 21:03

Wow. 5 quotes on the trot. Is that a record?

As I said. Always up to everyone to protect the needs of introverts. Always up to them to “read the room”. No flexibility. No kindness. All one way.

Oh, do stop trying to play the victim.

Of course it’s on you to read the room if you’re the one who wants to have a conversation 😂

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/08/2026 21:28

Firefly1987 · 31/08/2026 21:22

@SouthLondonMum22 yeah but by the time someone like OP has "read the room" they've already pissed off the person who doesn't want to talk by even trying. These people don't want to be approached-ever.

They'll not be happy until it's a colder less friendly world for everyone just to suit them, lets face it.

It is correct that OP didn't read the room in pretty much every single one of her examples though and in her examples, the people did largely smile and make a bit of small talk but then they were done and OP should've have taken the clear hints to then stop.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 31/08/2026 21:38

Firefly1987 · 31/08/2026 21:22

@SouthLondonMum22 yeah but by the time someone like OP has "read the room" they've already pissed off the person who doesn't want to talk by even trying. These people don't want to be approached-ever.

They'll not be happy until it's a colder less friendly world for everyone just to suit them, lets face it.

The majority of people here have said they’re fine to be approached for appropriate small talk.

However none of OP’s examples are appropriate - intruding on someone’s lunch break when they’re clearly occupied, pushing a conversation even though she’s only getting abrupt answers, and then trying to engage a total stranger minding her own business on a bus.

As a dog owner and walker I often have random chats with people and even though I hate it, I will make small talk, but if I want to be left alone that should be respected - I shouldn’t have to quite literally walk away from someone to be left in peace.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/08/2026 21:45

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2026 19:59

And maybe the person who wants to chat has the same stuff going on and a Simple human interaction is what they need to soothe them? Maybe they are lonely? Depressed? Isolated? Maybe they’ve just lost someone they miss? Maybe it’ll be the only interaction they get all week. But no, the understanding only ever goes one way on mn. The introvert’s right to be left alone absolutely trumps everything, including politeness

Edited

But only one of them is asking something of the other?

the introvert isn’t asking anything of the other person, the extrovert is.

that’s why the introvert’s trumps.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 31/08/2026 21:51

arethereanyleftatall · 31/08/2026 21:45

But only one of them is asking something of the other?

the introvert isn’t asking anything of the other person, the extrovert is.

that’s why the introvert’s trumps.

Exactly. The person who wants to change the status quo is the one who needs to read the room and make sure their behaviour is both wanted and appropriate. It’s not difficult.

Tuggb · 31/08/2026 22:31

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2026 21:03

Wow. 5 quotes on the trot. Is that a record?

As I said. Always up to everyone to protect the needs of introverts. Always up to them to “read the room”. No flexibility. No kindness. All one way.

Everyone should read the room.

Firefly1987 · 31/08/2026 22:58

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2026 21:03

Wow. 5 quotes on the trot. Is that a record?

As I said. Always up to everyone to protect the needs of introverts. Always up to them to “read the room”. No flexibility. No kindness. All one way.

I always hated being an introvert. If it wasn't for extroverts talking to me first I probably wouldn't have made any friends. Not every introvert hates extroverts or people talking to them. My body language can often give off "unapproachable" and I have a resting bitch face. I've always seemed aloof til you get to know me but that's not really me at all. I don't know what is attracting so many people to the introverts with stellar personalities on this thread-they must all be gorgeous or something.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 01/09/2026 12:09

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 31/08/2026 21:51

Exactly. The person who wants to change the status quo is the one who needs to read the room and make sure their behaviour is both wanted and appropriate. It’s not difficult.

This is freakishly similar to what I was going to write!

And it's not the case that the introvert hasn't communicated. We're mammals, and we read body language constantly. I can switch between closed off and open body language consciously, but we all do it innately anyway.

A good example is at toddler groups when you have your eye on your toddler but you're casting your eye around to have a chat and indicate you're listening with body language even though you're handing your toddler pretend fruit etc.

In any case, most introverts aren't mad shut ins wholesale ignoring people - they just don't join in when a conversation is offered.

Also since extroversion is generally considered the majority, it is actually more likely that extroverts are also rebuffing unwanted conversations - because extroverts are no more obliged to speak to randos than introverts.

Thecatspantaloons · 01/09/2026 12:58

Firefly1987 · 31/08/2026 22:58

I always hated being an introvert. If it wasn't for extroverts talking to me first I probably wouldn't have made any friends. Not every introvert hates extroverts or people talking to them. My body language can often give off "unapproachable" and I have a resting bitch face. I've always seemed aloof til you get to know me but that's not really me at all. I don't know what is attracting so many people to the introverts with stellar personalities on this thread-they must all be gorgeous or something.

Are you sure you're not confusing introversion with shyness, i fear lots of people on this thread are 😳

I'm as introvert as they come, but I would still happily approach people , start conversations with strangers (without being intrusive and and reading body language cues 😉) and I love being around people , until I can't anymore- then I need my alone time to recharge my social battery,, stare into space, look out of a window, daydream etc.

What you seem to be describing is a lack of confidence or just plain shyness, when you say you need extroverts to approach you 🤔 because extroverts can be shy and introverts can be confident. Does this make sense at all?

Anarchy99 · 01/09/2026 15:47

Thecatspantaloons · 01/09/2026 12:58

Are you sure you're not confusing introversion with shyness, i fear lots of people on this thread are 😳

I'm as introvert as they come, but I would still happily approach people , start conversations with strangers (without being intrusive and and reading body language cues 😉) and I love being around people , until I can't anymore- then I need my alone time to recharge my social battery,, stare into space, look out of a window, daydream etc.

What you seem to be describing is a lack of confidence or just plain shyness, when you say you need extroverts to approach you 🤔 because extroverts can be shy and introverts can be confident. Does this make sense at all?

It was a weird and snarky post all round with its references to ‘stellar personalities’.

This thread had been very telling - apparently it’s not just an inability to read social cues (even if they are MASSIVE), it is a deliberate attempt to use others to fill some void in their life because they can’t cope with sitting in a public place not bothering anyone, or disapproval that anyone would want to be left alone.

I guess that takes away the obligation to be polite

Thecatspantaloons · 01/09/2026 17:24

Anarchy99 · 01/09/2026 15:47

It was a weird and snarky post all round with its references to ‘stellar personalities’.

This thread had been very telling - apparently it’s not just an inability to read social cues (even if they are MASSIVE), it is a deliberate attempt to use others to fill some void in their life because they can’t cope with sitting in a public place not bothering anyone, or disapproval that anyone would want to be left alone.

I guess that takes away the obligation to be polite

That same poster took umbridge when I mentioned that it's usually men that approach me to make friends 😳 I think they thought I was bragging, I wasn't, I was alluding to the audacity of randoms expecting your friendliness .

Ladyfromthehill · 01/09/2026 17:48

Some years ago I was sitting on a metro in Paris. Some dude came up to me, started saying Bonjour, bonjour, waving in front of my face, I was tired after the whole day of sightseeing, wanted to go home and rest, and also had no clue who he was. Turned out him and his mate were doing some project for their degree and they were filming approaching people on public transport to prove how everyone has become mean and not trusting, and questioned why I didnt smile and how in the past, yadda yadda. It's nothing new. Contact between people should be natural, not executed at gunpoint.

Firefly1987 · 01/09/2026 19:04

Thecatspantaloons · 01/09/2026 12:58

Are you sure you're not confusing introversion with shyness, i fear lots of people on this thread are 😳

I'm as introvert as they come, but I would still happily approach people , start conversations with strangers (without being intrusive and and reading body language cues 😉) and I love being around people , until I can't anymore- then I need my alone time to recharge my social battery,, stare into space, look out of a window, daydream etc.

What you seem to be describing is a lack of confidence or just plain shyness, when you say you need extroverts to approach you 🤔 because extroverts can be shy and introverts can be confident. Does this make sense at all?

I was definitely shy as well-maybe it was both, I dunno. I definitely find socialising draining. It's why I don't mind if someone talks to me in e.g a waiting room or somewhere because I know I don't have to see them again.

I agree a lot of people are mixing up introversion on this thread (maybe me included!) and it's making it seem like introverts are unfriendly etc. which is not the case.

Firefly1987 · 01/09/2026 19:08

Anarchy99 · 01/09/2026 15:47

It was a weird and snarky post all round with its references to ‘stellar personalities’.

This thread had been very telling - apparently it’s not just an inability to read social cues (even if they are MASSIVE), it is a deliberate attempt to use others to fill some void in their life because they can’t cope with sitting in a public place not bothering anyone, or disapproval that anyone would want to be left alone.

I guess that takes away the obligation to be polite

No I just can't believe it's such a problem that total strangers are approaching you all that much on a regular basis. You'd actually love me-I wouldn't talk to you at all ever! I'm just saying not every introvert is like you.

MN is my void lol. I don't talk to a soul outside family.

Anarchy99 · 01/09/2026 19:33

Firefly1987 · 01/09/2026 19:04

I was definitely shy as well-maybe it was both, I dunno. I definitely find socialising draining. It's why I don't mind if someone talks to me in e.g a waiting room or somewhere because I know I don't have to see them again.

I agree a lot of people are mixing up introversion on this thread (maybe me included!) and it's making it seem like introverts are unfriendly etc. which is not the case.

That is true about introverts, they usually just need time to recharge.

In my case it’s being ND that causes it so yes, being ignored is my idea of heaven 🤣

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