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Original poster

What do you consider late?

161 replies

TheOnlyWayIsYazz · 29/08/2026 09:26

I don't mean for something like a job interview where punctuality is vital, or for anything with a rigid start time. I mean just to meet someone or get somewhere in general.

When I'm meeting one friend of mine - who I do love dearly, by the way! - she insists on messaging me to let me know what time she's planning to leave, what time she HAS left and then, if she's even a couple of minutes behind schedule, will message again to say she's going to be a few minutes late; usually with added detail around the tube getting stuck behind the red signal, the escalator being broken or whatever. It makes me laugh, because if two or three minutes either way matters, she could be 30 seconds earlier by not sending the bloody messages 😁

I'm totally different. I wouldn't even notice someone being less than ten minutes late; it just feels like a normal margin of error. I certainly wouldn't message. If you're going to be 20 minutes or half an hour late then yes, tell me, but otherwise, why bother? I'm not your boss; I'm not going to make you do overtime to make up for it!

OP posts:
JRM17 · 01/09/2026 12:01

My dad has always said if you aren't 5mins early then you are late. He was in the army and the police force so time is something very important to him. Even now (hes 73yrs) if (on the very rare occasion) I ask my dad to pick me up at 5pm I know to be ready by no later than 4.40pm as he will be there by 4.45 at the latest. I'm not quite as rigid but I'd say if you have arrangements to meet at say 10.00 and you aren't going to arrive before 10.00 then you would need to let the person know as a courtesy.

Original poster
TheOnlyWayIsYazz · 01/09/2026 16:36

Thanks for some interesting perspectives!

For the record, I agree being late is rude, and would always do my best to avoid it. The poster whose husband can regularly be an hour late has my sympathies!

But I'm genuinely bewildered by people who say they'd message if they were going to be one or two minutes late. By the time you've sent it and they've read it, you'd be there! As someone else said, a minute or so is a common margin of error between different watches and phones. I don't see how you'd even know if someone was a minute late.

For those saying they expect punctuality, so do I! Which is precisely why it bewilders me that my friend messages to tell me she ISN'T going to be late. Messaging to say "I'm leaving at 12", then again at five past to say "I've left", then again to say "I'm nearly there" - why?! So you're planning to leave at a time that will get you there on time - isn't that what everyone does? Message me if you CAN'T leave on time; THAT'S what I need to know about. If we say we're meeting at 1, I don't need to be told that's still happening - I only need to know if it isn't!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOnlyWayIsYazz · 01/09/2026 16:38

ColdAsAWitches · 29/08/2026 10:34

I guarantee everyone hates you and thinks you're flaky! It's not hard to be on time. If you've arranged to meet someone at a certain time, meet them when arranged, not within some arbitrary time bubble that only exists in your own head

Edited

Ooh, my crackpot klaxon is going off! BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!! 🚨

OP posts:
ColdAsAWitches · 01/09/2026 16:50

TheOnlyWayIsYazz · 01/09/2026 16:38

Ooh, my crackpot klaxon is going off! BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!! 🚨

Show quote history

You need to improve your alarm, I posted it three days ago!

pinkspeakers · 01/09/2026 17:03

Depends on where we are meeting (ie how comfortable it is) and how specific we were about the time.

If standing on a street corner, then I'd message if 4-5 mins late. Sitting at a nice cafe, if more than 10 minutes late. If I'd said I would drop by her house for a cuppa at about 4, then if more than 15-20 minutes late. For dinner at theirs, if more than 20-25 minutes after notional start. At a large drinks party, if more than an hour after the notional start time. Give or take and possibly depending on the friend and how punctual they tend to be!

I consider myself to be very punctual, and I think my friends do too, though clearly some on this thread would disagree. Different norms!

pinkspeakers · 01/09/2026 17:04

@AffIt Bang on!

JHound · 01/09/2026 17:06

TheOnlyWayIsYazz · 29/08/2026 09:26

I don't mean for something like a job interview where punctuality is vital, or for anything with a rigid start time. I mean just to meet someone or get somewhere in general.

When I'm meeting one friend of mine - who I do love dearly, by the way! - she insists on messaging me to let me know what time she's planning to leave, what time she HAS left and then, if she's even a couple of minutes behind schedule, will message again to say she's going to be a few minutes late; usually with added detail around the tube getting stuck behind the red signal, the escalator being broken or whatever. It makes me laugh, because if two or three minutes either way matters, she could be 30 seconds earlier by not sending the bloody messages 😁

I'm totally different. I wouldn't even notice someone being less than ten minutes late; it just feels like a normal margin of error. I certainly wouldn't message. If you're going to be 20 minutes or half an hour late then yes, tell me, but otherwise, why bother? I'm not your boss; I'm not going to make you do overtime to make up for it!

I think anytime after the start time is late but, unless it’s the theatre where you will be locked out, I don’t care about people being 5-10 mins late. If it’s a house party, barbecue I think anything up to an hour after the start time is absolutely fine.

In fact if I am having an event at home I think it’s rude for people to turn up before the start time.

Createausername1970 · 01/09/2026 17:33

I think it depends on the occasion and how it was framed.

If it's an booked event, like a theatre, then I would definitely aim to be there well before the time we agreed to allow for hold-ups. I wouldn't want to miss a show because of traffic lights or whatever.

If it's a coffee in town then I would aim for the time agreed. I would also message whoever I am meeting to say "just left" or "on the bus". I generally get a similar message from them.

I was 15 minutes late last week to a lunch date with a friend, but I had messaged her to say I had been held up because of the bus. She messaged me to confirm where she was sitting in the venue and what drink did I want. All very civilised.

Acg1991 · 01/09/2026 19:03

I think it totally depends on the situation, but close friend who knows that I've not bailed, I'd say 15 minutes before I'd consider myself (or them) late.
I would also probably send an update if I was sat on a bus or something and had nothing better to do.

notanothermother · 01/09/2026 19:30

Is your friend neurodivergent by chance. Ask me how I know 😂

Original poster
TheOnlyWayIsYazz · 01/09/2026 20:19

ColdAsAWitches · 01/09/2026 16:50

You need to improve your alarm, I posted it three days ago!

Show quote history

What's your point? Are you saying you've come to your senses since then?

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