What do you consider late?

My absolute hate is people who are not ready when I'm picking them up, even more so if I'm doing them a favour. Two that I won't offer lifts to again both come to the door "ready" then go back inside to do something else ... it was 30 minutes last week. Partly, it's because where i live you can't just park up and go in for a chat, you have to dodge traffic wardens.

Late is late. As in, arriving after the agreed time. Anything more than 5 minutes I’d expect a text or phone call. Less than that I wouldn’t- I mean people’s watches might differ by as much as 2/3 minutes anyway!

On time is fine. I travel a lot by train/coach. Will always give my son or daughter who are expecting or meeting me updates so 'train 5mins late setting off, just at Chesterfield, 15 mins late at St P, now at Golders Green etc.' Just so they don't worry if I'm not arriving at the time expected.

Anything more than 5 minutes late needs to be signalled to anyone waiting for you. More than 15 mins without an update and I'd be gone.

My aunt was ALWAYS late meeting her sisters in town. I couldn't understand why they would wait 20, 30, 40 mins or even more. Couldn't be on time to give birth either. Had the babe, her 4th, in the ambulance. ( Ye Gods, she'd been vacuuming the sitting room! Keeping the ambulance waiting - of course. )

This for me. I wouldn't message saying what time I plan to leave or that I have left but would message to say I would be late.

I can’t stand this. Being early is early, and in some circumstances can be quite rude and put a burden on the other party. Being on time is exactly that. Being late is late, and rude.

10 mins.

If i was waiting for a friend, if they were more than 5 minutes late I'd message them.

If i was going to be late, even by a minute or two, I'd message to let them know.

I hate it when people are late, I'm early 99.9% of the time

I’m with the OP on this one.

I do not do late at all. I would rather be half an hour early than 1 minute late. My children are the same. Sadly DH is not and I resent the time I have spent waiting for him over the last 40 years. It would sound rediculas to say I divorced him over his time keeping I could have on a few occasions.

As a reformed (reforming) chronically late person, I'd say if we were meeting in, for example, on the street or in a restaurant or anything with a reservation, be there on top of the hour.

If it's less time-critical, I think 10 minutes is acceptable. Any later than that and a quick text or call is required.

However, I cannot abide the chronically early who show up 10-20 minutes in advance of something and then, when you turn up bang on the appointed time, huff and puff about waiting for aaaaages etc.

This also applies to invitations to dinner or parties at my house: if you're ringing the door bell at exactly 7pm, you will never be invited again. 7.10-7.20pm is the sweet spot (and bring wine).

Me too.

I'm early for everything but give people 10 minutes lateness grace before I get pissed off.

The absolute worst are the people where I'm early so waiting, which is fine as it's my choice to be early but they text 'leaving now' 10 minutes before they're supposed to arrive but they're 30 mins plus away. Enrages me.

Do you mean you ask people to be there at 7 but would be annoyed if they arrived before 10 past?

Because that makes no sense!

I'm a very anxious person and being even a minute late makes me panic. I worry that I've upset the other person or put them out or that they think my time is more important than theirs.

Me too! I've turned up to things early especially if I'm not sure where it actually is. But that's my choice and I'll happily wait

I am like your friend but this is because I have plenty of ND/MH traits that make me worry, overthink and stress about being judged or letting people down.

This 👍 That’s when I’d message

I'm fairly relaxed about timekeeping but I am always early/on time and do get frustrated when repeat offenders are constantly late.

Depends on the context for me.

If I'm meeting friends I know well for coffee/a drink locally, I wouldn't expect an update if they're up to 10 mins late. Normally we arrange to meet within a 15-minute window anyway. e.g. let's meet about 7.15-30. I would send an update if I expected to be more than 5-10 minutes late.

If it's someone I don't know that well, it probably changes things, thinking about it, e.g. set time, rather than a range; I'd be on time and would expect the same of them and update if only a couple of minutes late.

If a long journey (90-minute drive plus) is involved, I'm more tolerant of delays, but I always message when I leave and give the latest ETA based on traffic or share my location so they can see where I am. I really appreciate it if someone does the same if coming to us/meeting up rather than wondering where they are.

On the whole 'early is on time thing ', yes, all good if you're meeting publicly, but I personally find it rude and stressful if people turn up to my house earlier than the agreed time. If it's from 7pm, I mean 7pm onwards, not 6.50pm. I would never dream of turning up to someone's house early either.

This, although ten minutes early would be in my margin of error…unless it’s to my house when I’d welcome them being a bit late over early every single time. Don’t arrive somewhere half an hour early and then pester me every few minutes to see where I am!

I find that people are a lot more relaxed about being late than they are about being held up by others being late. 😄

More people should be as conscientious and considerate as your friend. Treasure her.

I do what your friend does. Keeps people updated. If I don’t text and don’t turn up when I’ve said I left an hour ago my friend is going to (hopefully) sound the alarm a lot more quickly than if I don’t keep them updated. Saying you are going to be late even if it’s just a minute is courtesy. I hate being late even a little bit it’s so rude

With modern technology, good to read about your friend OP and her consideration.

Now let's have the same when you visit a hospital or a utility is coming to your house (no more morning or afternoon so-called appointments).

Every week I take my friend food shopping, pick her up at 10 ish. I always text to say I'll be up in a minute/ might be a few minutes late, followed by one to say I'm leaving now or on the way. It makes no odds if I'm late, shops will still be there BUT the arranged time is 10 o'clock so I'll keep her informed.
I've got another friend who's always late so if we go anywhere and I'm picking her to, I text at 10/ 5 minutes to to remind her of the time, text when I'm leaving and have told her if she's not ready I'll go without her. She's always ready then!

I really struggle if things don’t happen at the exact time agreed. Although I do accept things happen, late trains, traffic, etc. It just stresses me out, especially if I expect an event to end at a certain time, and it over runs.

But, in practice I would say 5-10 mins either way is acceptable.

Depends on the friend and situation. But, I generally message if I'm running late. I also call ahead to medical appts if I'm running late to give them the opportunity to bump up the line or if I'm very late to ask if they'd prefer I re-schedule.