What do you consider late?

Up to 5 mins late, not an issue but I would text, especially if the person is waiting on their own

Early drives me mad
Early is not on time - it’s irritating and pressurising!

Ok if you get to a cafe early and I arrive on time - no effect

NOT ok if you turn up to my house 15 minutes early and I am still:
Preparing dinner
Finishing my meal before we go out
Getting ready/dressed
Packing a bag with what I need

Then you are making me rush and feel flustered - like I’m the one who is late when I’m not!

On time is on time, early is annoying!

I hate lateness to the point I lie to my husband about what time appointments etc are. He is always late and I find it incredibly rude so I’ll agree to meet friends/parent appointments etc and tell him the time is 10-15 mins before it is.

I’d say 10
min is fine after that I’d expect a message

you cant text while you drive

I once had someone turn up 2 hours early. He lived 5 minutes away. He was one of those who'd either turn up late or early. He didn't understand my issue of him turning up 15 minutes late. I once turned up 2 minutes "late" (on time by my watch) and got moaned at because he'd turned up 10 minutes early and I'd kept him waiting

It's part of the reason why we're no longer friends

If it’s a casual meet-up with a friend I think a message is still required for less than 20 min late..and this is coming from a persistent late offender! I’m always late for everything (I blame my adhd but wouldn’t tell anyone that cos it just sounds like an excuse). I’m usually only 5-10 min late though. 5-7 min I prob wouldn’t message. Anything over I’d just send a quick sorry I’m running late message but no detail involved. I’m rarely 20 min+ late but if I was I’d definitely give a more detailed reason

Yes I agree about the inconsiderate, pressurising horror that is people being early.

Even worse when they judge others for not being ready early like them. That is a really closed-minded, supercilious attitude, performed by people just looking for an opportunity to be judgemental IME.

No, but you can send a message by speaking it and it will send via WhatsApp or other systems

For drinks up to 20 minutes late is fine, I don't even need a message especially if know the person is always a bit late. I've waited for friends up to an hour because I'm fine having the first drink alone. In some countries, they believe you must wait for friends to arrive before having the first alcoholic drink. I obviously think that's BS.

For food, I don't like lateness. People say to order without them, but the staff don't like that so in fact everyone has to wait.

"Yes I agree about the inconsiderate, pressurising horror that is people being early."

I don't care about people being early at all. It does no harm.

Actually it's when you're at the place and someone who lives out of town texts to say they're just heading out now.

goodness
how on earth?
we dont all have that set up

Being early is on time.

People who are chronically late consider their time to be more important than the person's they're meeting. Obviously trains are delayed, you lose your keys etc every now and then - sometimes it happens.

But if a friend is constantly 10 minutes late to meet me, they're no longer a friend.

I will acknowledge that my autism plays a role in how I perceive lateness though. I see chronic lateness as a sign of disrespect.

I'm either early or a bit late. I'm almost never on time. For work I'm early, or about 2 minutes late (they don't care because I don't leave on time either). For a paid, timed, ticketed activity, I'm always early (because otherwise I will be late). For generally meeting people or family, I'm always late, maybe 1 in 10 times I'll be early instead. Usually by about 20/30 minutes. People who know me well tell me the wrong time by about half an hour, so I'll turn up when they need me to. I let people know when I'm going to be later than about 10 minutes. The times I turn up on time or early it causes confusion after many decades of lateness. I've had friends complain before because they weren't ready yet because I was more on time than normal. Happily, my friends, family and employers are all slack on timekeeping too, so it doesn't seem to cause much issue on the whole... It's just my poor grandma, so I only meet her at her house now and we travel together from there.

I try to be on time, I really do. I have an alarm that goes off every 10 minutes for the hour before I'm due to leave to keep me on track, but it still doesn't work. I just lose time and don't know how, and then that means I've missed the bus and need to wait for the next one - I can only work walking distance jobs to prevent this. I do try and keep people updated though, but much less than your friend OP! It's mostly agreed that I just let people know when I'm actually leaving to get to them though.

I was genuinely even told the wrong time for my mum's funeral to get me there on time. (I obviously then turned up over an hour before that, to make sure I didn't miss it...)

lottiegarbanzo - For theatre, cinema etc... he is the annoying person who is last in and last minute. For casual meetings etc... he doesn't care he has left someone waiting because he argues with everyone that within the hour is on time, he insists only once you have past the hour mark are you late. He sees it as their fault if they have left.

Their ‘fault’ in his (odd) opinion, but he’s the one missing out if they’ve already left, or don’t invite him next time. Sounds like real ‘cutting off your nose to spite your face’ behaviour. Sad.

lottiegarbanzo I am not defending his lateness, he drives me insane. I am just saying what he is like.

You'd never know i was early.

I wouldnt dream of knocking on your door etc.

If i was invited over at 3, and ended up 15 mins early, id park up in a nearby road (not in sight of your home) and then only come round at 3.

If we were meeting at the cinema & i arrived early, id go grab drinks/snacks etc and then meet on time.

For a paid, timed, ticketed activity, I'm always early (because otherwise I will be late). For generally meeting people or family, I'm always late, maybe 1 in 10 times I'll be early instead.

See this would annoy me. You can make the effort for a paid/timed ticketed event but not meeting family or friends?! To me its rude.

Yes I understand, it must drive you nuts! Where does his ‘one hour’ belief come from?

I also hate lateness and am more like your friend letting them know when I am leaving. Actually I do this more with people who are always late or flake out last minute to make sure they are still coming... Their behaviour is why I know how annoying and rude it is when people just come whenever they fancy rather than appreciating the person they have arranged to meet also has other things to do.
I set my watch and clock 5 mins early, I leave 20min to 30min for traffic and public transport. If it looks like I will be 5-10 mins late I will text as soon as I realise this. It is common courtesy as others have said. If someone is waiting they may as well wait somewhere warmer/pop to the loo/do that bit of shopping etc if they know you are to be late.

10 minutes late would really piss me off

20 I'd probably just leave

Late people think their time is more important than yours

No idea because as I have said his parents were always punctual. And his sister is. I think it comes from working for over 30 years in the same extremely laid back office.

Anything after the agreed time is late

I always notice people being 10 mins late