AIBU to find my ex cancelling childcare for his wife’s travel strange

This

There may we’ll be something there.

He needs to sort out the childcare during his contact time, whether it’s getting help from his parents or hiring a nanny. I travel a lot for work and cannot imagine taking an EmotionalSupportMan™️ with me. Especially someone who is self-employed, ie, not working/earning/being paid annual leave during that time.

lol nah she’d probably say ‘put it on me, tell Debbie I can’t travel alone! Then we can have a weekend in Paris. Ideal!’

OP it’s not great, but tbh it doesn’t sound like too much change. Kids will be fine. Can you ask him to pay for their holiday club in Oct?

or could you ask if there’s an option for them to join him when he travels in October?

Yes if it's half term, he can take the kids with him and they can do fun stuff while she's working. Say that to him. If he says it'll cost more to take them, point out that it'll also cost him for childcare if he doesn't have them as he was supposed to!

Can you ask him to swap the weekends so that he has them on a weekend when he isn't planning to be away? If he still says no, then you know that this isn't about what he says it is.

This isn't relevant to the OP's question.

The trouble is this could be an ongoing issue past this initial period of up to Christmas if her job involves travel on a regular basis. What is his plan for this? Also, what will she do when his annual leave runs out and he cannot accompany her on subsequent trips?

No company I know of would pay for a spouse to accompany someone on business. I assume he is paying and staying in the accommodation without his name on the room.

So his wife's new job is affecting his time with his children and potentially your job (half term).
Not fair and this needs pointing out to him. I would also ask him to fund any holiday care you need.
How he had the cheek to inform you of this i don't know. He should be ashamed of himself.

Her travel issues are irrelevant. You don't need to decide on whether their plans are justifiable or not. All that matters here is your ex is reneging on his commitment as a co parent, and expecting you to pick up the slack. You need to tell him that's not on, not be drawn into a discussion about what his wife can or can't do. That's not your remit.

Wanting to do something with your partner is fine... ditching your kids on the days you usually have them to do so is not fine.

When you tell your dh to blame you, is he letting his kids down, which is why his ex would "kick off" because, thats What's happening in the op scenario, and I think its acceptable for the ex (op in this case) to be annoyed

I would do this it’s perfect.

Why on earth would any employer pay for travel and accommodation for someone to escort their employee? I can't see that happening.

Can’t he take his children with them? I’m sure they’d love a mini break too and they can do fun stuff while she is working.

I'd be really annoyed at this. He's making the children your problem because his wife is acting like a child.

Tell him to sort childcare for the time he'll be away you dont have the annual leave to cover it.

She's already said he's not offering alternate days due to work.
It seems his young children are a last priority.
He is going to see very little of his children between now and Christmas, and OP will be dealing with the emotional effects of that.

Totally bizarre behaviour. I wonder if her employer knows. Who is paying for him to accompany her?

@Whaleandsnail6 so yes she should be asking someone else but I’d also think he’d be making it up to his kids those times by seeing them more in the week or taking them longer other times. If it’s a straightforward ‘I’m not having them’, then that’s wrong, but if he’s offering alternatives, then that’s fine imo

@wontTravelbyherself it’s not really your concern why she would take this job. Maybe they want to travel to get her and they have decided to say she doesn’t want to travel alone. I have lost count the at the amount of times I have said blame me to my DH so his ex doesn’t kick off when we want to do something together.

Id be telling himthat his responsibility to his childten doesnt disappear if he decides they are inconvenient.
And ask what alternative arrangements he has made.

But the kids need their dad..op says they will be upset at the changes. Why are they not their dads priority?

I understand his partner having anxiety and feeling unable to travel alone...what he should be doing is explaining that he can't be the one to support her on these occasions as he already has his commitment to his children. And she should understand that, not expect him to drop his kids to go with her

I think you need to be a bit firm here and say your not available because it is all planned so he needs to ensure suitable plans are made.

if you give in on this one then he will always expect you to drop everything to cover his times

A different view here, I have severe travel anxiety myself and a pretty big job. If I had to do a trip, I’d probably want a family member or partner to support me and come with me. Pretty mean to critisise those who do when you have no clue why.

He’s explained he can’t have the kids so you can only say to him to sort out an alternative or you can just handle it. It’s really not for you to judge why she feels like that. If you need him to have them half term, insist he makes alternative arrangements ie she goes with someone else.

I disagree this is whats best for the children. They need their dad to prioritise them and stick to his commitments, not drop them, no matter how short term it ise.

His partner needs to find a way to manage her anxiety around the work trips without needing him to hold her hand, and if she can't do that and needs her partner to let his kids down, then this situation isn't right for them.