AIBU to find my ex cancelling childcare for his wife’s travel strange

They would never know. They pay for the accommodation.

That's exactly what I said.

Agree. What a silly decision. Never heard anything like it.

That’s what I was going to say, why get. Job tbat requires travel if you don’t like to travel alone!? YANBU OP x

She’s probably sick or pregant

If the children will be disappointed- he needs to tell them himself and explain and not leave you to deal with any upset.
Women should be modelling resilience and independence to children - she sounds rather pathetic I’m afraid. Not a good role
model to require a Dad to cut his time with his children because she can’t hack the requirements of her job. He needs to make up the time with his children as they are the ones missing out - as OP has explained, It’s not about money.

Are you sure it’s her anxiety that has caused the change in schedule?

Could it not simply be that they’re taking the opportunity to get a few cheap holidays in at the same time? Her company pays for her accommodation, he stays with her, or they extend the trip and pay for their own accommodation once she’s finished work. Quite a few people I know do this when one partner works away.

If he came to you and just said that they were having a few cheeky work subsidised holidays that's why they need the change, you’d be quite rightly hacked off. Whereas once someone’s mental health is given as the reason, it almost impossible even question it without being seen at he baddie. Don't get me wrong there are genuine cases of anxiety, but it does sometimes seem to a get out of jail card for changing plans or avoiding commitments.

I think the bigger issue is making sure this doesn’t become a gateway to more rearranged visits whenever it suits them. I’m not sure what you can do other than push it back to him to arrange childcare. Would you be happy for your children to go to anyone other than him, or perhaps his family if they’re nearby though?

People on MN are obsessed with whether someone was the OW.

Id say ok to weekends but he needs to sort out October half term

Is think the opposite. This is testing the waters. If she doesnt want to travel alone and the ex facilitates it happily at the cost of his relationship with his children multiple times now, why would that change next year?

id reply for him to let me know who he has arranged to look after the children for all the time. And to pass on my number dor emergencies.

Because she knows her sap of a husband will forgo time with his children and go with her.

I'd be asking if he was going to be making up the time at some other point?
What about your free time and your plans?

If she can’t travel alone she shouldn’t have taken a job that involves travelling.
He shouldn’t be letting her job impact on his parenting responsibilities and time with his children. It’s pretty crap and pathetic from both of them.

How does his wife get on with the children? Is this an excuse to get him to spend less time with them?

^This

how awful OP. Agree with others — he fancies some cheap mini breaks with his wife — and the children’s time with him is disposable. Poor kids. Definitely point out how disappointed they will be and how much they’ll miss out. He’s a dick

I do think this is a situation where you can calmly highlight how the children love spending time with him and will be so disappointed. Is there no alternative to ensure they still get their time with you? I too think he’s in it for the jollies … well don’t allow that without making him face the fact this is negatively affecting his children or it will just become more and more frequent.

In my opinion if you have children then they need to come first. Much as I empathise with her anxiety, if she can’t travel without the children’s dad and him travelling with her means he misses his time with his children then she finds another job? I wonder if she really can’t travel alone or they just prefer making a bit of a trip away of it? Either way she and the dads children are in my opinion wrong her to ask and him to agree.

Since you say your relationship with him is generally good, I’d want to have a conversation about this in person. It comes down to what’s best for the kids and him screwing up your arrangement (that seems to be working for them) for a partners job isn’t ok.
I think your existing set up is worth fighting for and he might just need reminding that the stability of routine really matters to the children - and him making changes has a real knock on effect.

So many men put new partners before their existing DC and it is so hurtful.

Is it a short term thing? You said a lot of travel initially so is it going to settle down and then she wont have to travel much at all? If this is the case, he doesnt sound like the worst, so id be inclined to accommodate them withput much fuss as long as it's time limited.

It isn’t childcare it’s being a parent. He can’t just pick and choose when he is a parent because his wife is too pathetic to travel alone. His poor kids. They should be priority. If she can’t cope with her job without her husband’s help she shouldn’t be doing it.

You need to push back on this OP.

Isn't the answer here to say it's his responsibility to have his children on those dates and his wife's job is of no concern to you. How he covers his childcare weekends and weeks is no concern of yours and either his wife moves her travel to not affect his availability, or he doesn't go. The answer is not that you have the children the answer is he finds a way to not make his wife's job your problem.

You have a choice. You can pick up the days he can’t do or you can insist he sorts out alternative arrangements. If your relationship is otherwise good I’d be agreeing to what he asks but requesting that he has the DC at other times to make up.
You are not going to have any influence on his wife’s working schedule so I’d stop trying. Yes it is very weird but for him to deal with. You are on a hiding to nothing if you even comment.

My money is on the wife doing a lot of the grunt work with caring and she's purposely found a job with travel.

I know of quite a few "great father's who happily do their share of contact time and happily pay maintenance" who farm a lot of that contact time out to other female relatives - their mum/ sister/ partner and when said female relatives pulls back her caring suddenly the ex can't have the children as much.

This is just the beginning.

Never mind anyone's reasons.

You're not available. Full stop. No explanation required from you. It's not about the childcare for a few hours during October break, it's the full 24 hour period.

All plans revert to original version. You're not facilitating whatever is going on here.