AIBU to find my ex cancelling childcare for his wife’s travel strange

Well if she can’t travel alone she shouldn’t have taken the job

Show willing maybe if your on good terms, cover first weekend to allow time for them to sort rest of dates, he's properly just handing back parental responsibility to someone who already does their share!
If she's working and he's going to support her, he's got 8hrs a day perfect time to do something with kids they can easily take with them, if he's going?

I would say ‘Noted. I hope you realise the dc will know this is a choice, make sure you explain it to them. I won’t be doing your dirty work for you.’

It matters because you can’t just walk away from parenting because it suits!

if he had said “we have this problem can you help by swapping any of the dates” that’s one thing. To say “I can’t look after my children when I should be” is another.

The new wife sounds like a wet blanket. I wouldn’t have this.

Maybe he just wants to go with her and that’s an excuse. What does it matter?

Sounds like he’s going to have some lovely cheap weekends / mini breaks.
So priorities are:
Wife
Work
Children

Don’t think it’s as catchy as Live, Love, Laugh but loads of blokes seem to live by it.

Edited because I can’t write sentences that make sense this morning

Well, he cares more about his neurotic unreasonable flaky wife than his DC. Good lord, what adult takes a job which involves travel and won't travel alone?

He will reap what he sows - his DC will realise in the next few years that they are not his priority and will eventually respond accordingly.

That's 3 poxy weekends the OP had reason to assume she would be childfree. She may have booked to go away, see a band, meet up with friends. She may have booked in overtime for work. She could be doing loads of stuff that is non refundable and which is not suitable for children.

Expecting your co parent to be flexible and manage emergencies or swaps with good notice is reasonable. Not offering a swap, not acknowledging it might be inconvenient, not offering to pay for childcare or other out of pocket expenses is not.

This is why coparenting breaks down - the expectation that the other parent will always step in. In an emergency, not a problem. But what should have happened here is that he came up with an alternative and then asked the OP if she wanted to take over herself or accept the alternative.

Agree. It's a crappy thing to do. Which is why I am questioning his motives and the 'rationale' behind them.

I would absolutely ensure that he is the one to sit them down to explain, face to face why he won't be seeing them.

He has form for cheating and she doesn’t trust him to stay home alone. At a guess.

They are his responsibility during those periods and he needs to find suitable child care, if he needs to negoiate with you, I'd probably OK the weekends but not half term, so he needs to change travel dates or send her alone.

It does seem a bit strange that she’d take a job involving lots of travel if she’s too anxious to travel alone. His excuse doesn’t really add up. It seems more likely that he’s insecure about her job and all the travelling, and is insisting on going with her. To me, the more believable explanation is that he’s either being controlling or doesn’t trust her.

“3 poxy weekends”. That’s 6 days he is choosing his new wife over his children. Plus the midweek and 10 days October holidays. Between now and Christmas he is choosing not to see his children for 25% of the time he is supposed to be their parent, because his wife inexplicably got a job with travel when she is unable to travel alone.

Did I write this? 😘

How ridiculous. He can't care for his own children because he has to babysit his grown ass wife.

I agree with posters saying he is probably using his wife's "travel anxiety" as an excuse to have some cheeky trips to nice places.

Like @TheOccupier my first thought was that she is cabin crew. My friend's GF is cabin crew for Virgin and he gets the option to go with her for certain layover trips if there are excess seats and accommodation is also free. It would be a very odd decision to take a cabin crew job if you have travel anxiety lol, but as above, that's probably made up or exaggerated.

OP, is he offering to have them extra at other times to make up for it? Is he paying for holiday clubs etc for the half term so your own working pattern isn't messed up?

I just don't understand why she'd take on a job that involved travelling if she can't travel by herself 🤔

Other than that, giving advanced notice of weekends/half term is not terrible.

Edited to add: hmm, actually if you don't work from home then actually that is annoying. You can say that doesn't work for you, that's also fine. It's his issue to sort out, really.

I also agree that he's definitely going on a jolly at the expense of his dc.

Presumably he can take annual leave on an alternative weekend so his dc don't miss out?

And he shouldn't just be paying for holiday club at half term, he should be arranging childcare entirely, like any other parent has to if they want to go away without their dc.

From the OPs posts it sounds as if the children enjoy Dads company. I am sure that they will be very upset to lose contact time. I would say that this is not about Dad paying for childcare (which he should) it is that children will soon find out how much he does not prioritize their time.

Grandparents as an alternative during half term would very much depend on whether or not this is something they have done before and have that sort of relationship.

The children’s relationship with their father depends on how consistently he shows up.

One more shitty dad who doesn't prioritise his dc and assumes their mum is the default parent.

This is exactly what has happened. Tell your ex you're onto him OP and he is a complete shit.

This is what I thought. It struck me as more like an excuse to have some days away together rather than her being too anxious to travel alone......

Exactly what I was thinking

What he actually means is that she is going on some nice all expenses paid trips which he can tag along too if he just pays the airfare!
I travel for work every other week and if I want to I can extend my stay to include the weekends and hubby often comes with me just to have a nice week away. I suspect your ex is joining her but doesn’t want to tell you that

Just keep the blame directed at him. He is making this choice. As a grandmother I'm really conscious that these are the last couple of years at child type, Halloween parties, soft play, going the park and other activities. I've booked everything I can for Halloween and Christmas. Even if it was "three poxy weekends" it's a lot, when they are at this growing stage. Dads wonder why they haven't got the relationship they would like with their teens/young adult children, this is why, you don't get to duck out.