AIBU to find my ex cancelling childcare for his wife’s travel strange

Presumably she will not be working every hour?
Your ex might be using "her anxiety" as an excuse so to cover, so he can have some weekends away.

That is very unfair on your children and sends them an awful message about their dad’s priorities I’m afraid. His wife is an idiot for accepting a job she’s too scared to do. I’ve never heard the like!

She shouldn't really take a job if she's scared to do it, to the point she needs her ex there.
But it depends what happened-if she broke up the family, she has a nerve expecting him to be her knight, and expect you to do solo childcare.
If he broke up the family and abandoned her, then yes, this is the least her can so.

You don't think it's strange she can't travel alone for work?

He can take the kids on the mini breaks he's going on with his wife.

I would assume shes going to nice countries/places and he wants to go with her...

Can he have the children different weekends? And yes, I agree he should organise and pay for a club/whatever during October half term.

I would be replying that it's simply not possible, both because they are his responsibility on those dates and that they would feel replaced and devastated if he reduced his time with them, especially to prioritise someone else.

Can't he take them with him? Make it a big adventure.

But it's not "childcare", it's shared parenting? I've been doing 50/50 with my ex-husband for 5 years very peacefully, if we need to change schedules for travelling, we arrange the days so that it's still 50/50. That's not what this sounds like, it's just less time with the kids? Especially for the half term, does he expect you to just magic more annual leave? This is definitely strange.

It's possible your ex's wife has anxiety that stops her from travelling alone with her job. However, you'd have to question why someone with such severe anxiety to travelling alone, would apply and accept a job, that requires her to travel extensively??!!!

When put in the above context, it seems rather odd at best and a load of old nonsense at worst! I'd bet money on your ex's wife having absolutely no issue travelling alone. I rather think that it's a case of your ex being able to travel with his wife, with her employer footing the accommodation bill (at least) and he gets mini breaks away!

In other words OP, your ex is using his wife as an excuse to get out of parenting his children. I'd also bet that his wife isn't aware she's being used as a scapegoat and that he should be looking after his children over all those days!!

Its a bit needy of her but tbh this a lot of notice and these things happen. Keep a note though.

So he has opted out of parenting? What a d!ck. say No he has to make alternative arrangements for his days and see what he says. Bet your glad he’s an Ex

What does he do when he is working and needs to travel 🧐 take it off as leave or does she go alone then?

@wontTravelbyherself
I'd say that his wife doesn't want your/his children having anything to do with him anymore and ties are being severed........

Well he’s getting free accommodation when they travel for her work commitments.

Can they not all travel together in the half term? Then he'd still be able to see them.
A 10 day business trip is a lot, especially for someone who doesn't want to travel alone. Sounds like a very odd set up to travel for entire weekends too.
Or is he just trying to avoid parenting solo if she's not there. He definitely needs to cover childcare costs for the school holidays.

So sorry op your ex has thrown a surprise curve ball. Hopefully your shock turns into anger and you confront him. He thinks you're a mug and its okay to lie. Have you noticed how he's presented it as a done deal with NO compromise. I mean his wife supposedly professional but can't do her job without being hand held (poor wee thing) and just happens to be the weekends and the half term holiday he's meant to have your DC. What an amazing coincidence! Kick his butt op. The least he can do is tell the truth and step up to being the best dad to his DC

Pretty mean to accept a job that you're going to need help with from a dad who has overlapping childcare responsibilities with the mum.
Particularly mean that no-one consulted the mum in THIS situation BEFORE the job was accepted.
Mum being treated as the default parent as is usually the case.

Sorry I should have read what I had written before I posted. I had intended to write a post that reflects what you have just said. I clearly failed. Am so angry on behalf of these children.

Sounds odd - I wondered if it might be IVF related?

Did you even read her post?

Tell him that you are also going travelling with a new partner, so unfortunately won’t be available to do his share of the parenting on those dates. You pre-booked your travels for when it’s his time with the children.

Is he the jealous type? Is he the one who wants to go with her, but he's telling you she needs him to go with her?

It's very odd for a person to ditch their job and children for days at a time, repeatedly, so be another adult's human support animal.

I've only read the first two pages but I'm AMAZED at the number of posters saying it's normal/understandable to expect your DH to come on all work trips.

I can only assume they've not had jobs with overnights because taken at face value, it really is very weird, especially as he's not working to facilitate it.

Anyway, yeah, tell him it's his issue to sort, not yours. He's supposed to be parenting, it's not not optional childcare. Also weird that he apparently hasn't realised that.

why are you sorting it, though? he needs to sort it.