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Original poster

AIBU to find my ex cancelling childcare for his wife’s travel strange

263 replies

wontTravelbyherself · 29/08/2026 08:37

I have 2 dc with my ex (8 and 10) he usually has them 3 days a week and every half term, 2 weeks of the summer holidays and we alternate Xmas. Works well.

His wife has recently got a new job and initially it involves a lot of travel apparently. She won’t travel alone.
He has now informed me that there are 3 weekends he can’t do between now and Xmas plus he can’t have the dc during October half term and there are a couple of other days too that he can’t do, no option to move days as he has to work and is self employed so when he’s travelling with her he’s just not working.

AIBU to think this is strange ? Why can’t she travel alone , apparently she doesn’t feel safe and he wants to support her but she isn’t going to any dangerous countries !!!

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wontTravelbyherself · 29/08/2026 08:51

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No

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Justawalk · 29/08/2026 08:51

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JustAnotherWhinger · 29/08/2026 08:51

It’s ridiculous that he’s decided that’s a solution.

If he is needed for the travel then his responsibilities to his children should have been a consideration in taking the job.

It says it all that he thinks it’s ok to just let you know that he can’t do those dates. Shit parenting on his part.

minipie · 29/08/2026 08:51

That’s really crap. Why is his adult wife’s rather unusual need for travel support - in a job she chose to take!! - more important than his kids’ need to see their father?

It isn’t just a childcare issue - as you say, they will miss him. I would be adding up how much he actually will see them between Sep and Christmas- assume not a lot? - and would be laying on the guilt thickly. There isn’t a lot else you can do unfortunately.

Very disappointing from him.

dreamingofgoodhair · 29/08/2026 08:51

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How is that relevant?

Justawalk · 29/08/2026 08:50

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PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 29/08/2026 08:50

That’s crap of both of them

Why take a job that involves travel if it gives you anxiety… but to then insist your partner/ husband misses seeing his kids is plain selfish.

He is clearly choosing his wife … his kids might not see it now that they were second choice but they may do one day!!!

And tough on you as I’m guessing you don’t have as much down time during holidays now

Justawalk · 29/08/2026 08:49

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BudgetBuster · 29/08/2026 08:49

I would hazard a guess that he's going for the free mini-break and it isn't actually to do with her fears of travelling alone.

Can you not swap weekends?
Also get him to sort and pay for at holiday camp for the October half-term.

It's shit, but you can't force someone to take their kids.

WildFatball · 29/08/2026 08:49

I have no idea why you are focused on your ex's wife and why she won't travel alone. It's none of your business and who cares? Try to deal with the problem at hand which is your ex and his flakiness around child care. You can't make him have the children so you will probably need to get used to the new normal. What you will need to do though is adjust finances to reflect the new normal. He needs to pay more to cover your increased costs.

Justawalk · 29/08/2026 08:48

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millit · 29/08/2026 08:48

bababamama · 29/08/2026 08:43

It’s crap parenting, I’d personally say to him fine about the weekends but he needs to fund holiday care for half term in full

Maybe the kids like spending time with him as well and don’t want to be shipped off to a holiday club.

Very strange why she would take the job if she is too anxious to travel alone. The conversation should’ve been well I can’t take the job because I don’t want to travel alone and you’ve got the children.

The children should come first

MoonChime · 29/08/2026 08:48

Why would you take a job that involved travel if you won’t travel alone? Seems bizarre.

If this was a permanent thing then I would push back, but you say it initially involves a lot of travel suggesting it won’t continue this way? I would clarify that with your ex as it’s really not fair if it turns into a more permanent set up.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 29/08/2026 08:47

LizandDerekGoals · 29/08/2026 08:45

This.

Show quote history

This, but will her work approve his staying with her? What far flung places are they going? Is it she’d have to drive and won’t?

Justawalk · 29/08/2026 08:46

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AdeleRochester · 29/08/2026 08:46

I’d be deeply unimpressed by them as a couple making a decision which means he can’t see his children as much.

However as small part of me wonders if “she won’t travel alone” actually means “he won’t let her travel alone”…

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 29/08/2026 08:46

He needs to be sorting childcare first off. It's not your job. Yes a day or two fine but he's basically not going to see the children very much for the next 2 months so it's on him to sort the half term.

What a shit dad.

Justawalk · 29/08/2026 08:46

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LizandDerekGoals · 29/08/2026 08:45

bababamama · 29/08/2026 08:43

It’s crap parenting, I’d personally say to him fine about the weekends but he needs to fund holiday care for half term in full

And find it! And book it.

Tunaboona · 29/08/2026 08:45

I'd assume her work are paying so he's getting some child free mini breaks.

LizandDerekGoals · 29/08/2026 08:45

TheSmallAssassin · 29/08/2026 08:41

Can you tell him that isn't how it works and it's up to him to sort out who looks, after his children while he can't as you won't be able to.

This.

Original poster
wontTravelbyherself · 29/08/2026 08:44

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It’s always been good, we co parent well and get on well. I think that why I’m so surprised at this situation?

I know his wife has some anxiety but if that’s the reason I didn’t realise it was that bad to not be able to travel alone ? But then why take a job that requires travel ?

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Justawalk · 29/08/2026 08:44

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bababamama · 29/08/2026 08:43

It’s crap parenting, I’d personally say to him fine about the weekends but he needs to fund holiday care for half term in full

Justawalk · 29/08/2026 08:43

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