AIBU to find my ex cancelling childcare for his wife’s travel strange

I'm wondering the very same thing.

They’ve just used his Partners work as the excuse only. It isn’t true it’s just a convenient excuse. However his children are priority and should always be priority and this needs to be nipped in the bud before he gets used to the fact he can tell you what to do and pick and choose when he has custody. For whatever reason, he is choosing his partner over his kids or it’s something else entirely.

It’s time to get the custody arrangements cast in concrete if they are not already. If he is breaching something you need to take action. He’s raised the stakes. It’s your choice whether to re-raise or fold to him. If he’s serious about his kids then he will step up and be the father he needs to be. Hopefully he just needs to wake up Call and he isn’t pulling away. Best of luck.

Can you say that of course you can't fill in for him during his times with the children, but they are terrific little travellers and will absolutely love to see all these new places, plus keeping him company sightseeing while his wife is working? Remind him to make sure their passports are in order.

Agree that if he’s taking time off to go with her, he can take the kids with too as he won’t be working.

Strange it's the whole of half term she's suddenly travelling! I bet theyre going on holiday that week and she just does want the kids there.
I hope this wonderful travelling job pays well she must be making shortfall up the your husband loses while pandering after her.
He work must think it odd she turns up everywhere with husband in tow! Silly cow

Oh dear another man putting another woman over his own children, half term week they can take the kids with them whilst she is working and other than that I would say no sorry I have already made plans will be dropping them off as schedule - if she couldn’t travel without him she shouldn’t had taken the job without discussing the job acceptance meant he won’t be seeing his kids anymore and it isn’t fair on his kids - they will hate him in the long run….and he will end up an old lonely man

I couldn’t agree more re her taking a job that involves travel- I’d like to hear her reasons why she took it. But your problem in the future is that this is only beginning- it’s ten days between now and Christmas but what about the rest of the year when the anxious traveller is having to travel? Sounds a nightmare for him actually as well as the children and you. Best of luck

HE needs to be the one sorting childcare out and you need to be firm about this! When it’s meant to be his time to have the kids ALL responsibility about childcare is his problem

It's extremely weird to take a job that requires travel if you're scared to travel.
Surely this is going to cost them a lot of money in paying for his travel?
Very odd

They should be having their mini breaks on his off weekends anyway.

It’s not fine he’s cancelling his kids to do that? Decent parents wouldn’t.

If it didn't suit, you should have changed the agreement. Every weekend isn't reasonable, but nor is not fulfilling the agreement.

I think it's fine they clearly are doubling up on work and mini breaks

However I'd be recalculating any child maintenance as he is having them alot less than he normally should and that financial burden falls on to you now

I would just ask why he thinks you are available to have the children since he seems to feel his own parenting obligations are optional. Tell him that you are not free to cover childcare during this period and that he will need to arrange childcare if he is unable to have children on his scheduled days. I do not see why this has to be your problem.

I think you need to tell him how disappointed and upset the children are going to be, as this is the nature of her job it sounds like it will be a recurrent problem, your children will end up feeling sidelined for his wife. I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing, just have a chat with him about it. It’s not okay and it isn’t a one off, that’s a lot to cancel. Remind him as well you don’t get this time back with your kids, it all goes well too quick.

@Cyclingmummy1 so we shouldn’t have had a child free weekend in 13 years? Have a day off seriously

I would just leave it, it’s his loss. More time with the kids for you. You can’t make people care, it won’t be genuine. Maybe it won’t last long and he’ll decide he would prefer to not miss time with his kids. Either way, I’d leave him to it.

Surely she's going to get laughed out of her job. And I assume work aren't funding his travel as well as hers?

That new job isn’t going to last very long, who’s paying for his travel?

Of that he doesnt trust her on work trips alone

I'd be asking him (gently).... Is this going to be continual, or is it just to get her through a particular difficult time?

Also, I'd gently remind him that it's really important that he spends as much time as he can with his children, both for their current attachment and his future relationship with them.

his children, should be his priority.

This is my thought it's not that she won't travel alone it's that he doesn't want to look after his children alone and she probably does at least a significant amount of things for the children. I would find it difficult to believe that someone who doesn't want to travel alone would apply for a job that requires travelling .It is well and good in saying he wants to support her but he needs to support his children first .

That's really shit of him and will be so upsetting for your children. Will you tell them the truth? Has he said why he can't he take the kids with him over half term?

Yes very weird. My employer wouldn’t be impressed with me taking my husband along on every work trip, they’d consider it unsustainable.

Are they using theses trips for mini holidays? Before we had kids I would travel with my now husband? Just a few nights away different country. I do my own thing around his work schedule!

I wasn’t working though and we had no dog/ kids to be home for :)