Swearing on public transport and children

We were in a restaurant earlier in the week... It wasn't hugely posh, but neither was it a Wetherspoons. It was a nice place, except.... There was a large table of people behind us where one man in particular was swearing constantly and loudly - every third word was effing this or effing that. It spoiled our evening. My DH said he was wearing hearing aids which may account for the loudness - but since when did it become acceptable to swear like that in a public place, where there were people trying to eat a nice meal in peace and relative quiet.

I agree with your DH saying something - I told a man in an airport gate to tone down the swearing once, he was so full of the "big businessman" shit and it was a gate full of families 🙄

He did stop though - I swear and my kids know all the words but I still think it's obnoxious to be doing it in public around other people who might not want to hear it

Good on your partner. No need for that during day in a public place where young children are obviously present. I have wanted to challenge several times, but worried might turn nasty.

I think he should have avoided a potential confrontation and just moved away or got off.

Why though?

Do you never advocate for your children?

You can't go through life avoiding 'confrontation', especially when it's pretty much a non issue like this was.

Did you think the woman was going to throw her phone across the carriage and beat you both to death?

I would have told her to stop using her phone on speakerphone. And if she declined, i would have joined in the conversation. (I have done this on a train)

I am a grey haired oldie, though, and that gives us the magic power to tell people to stop being antisocial on public transport.

I think it’s really rude to talk loudly on a phone in public under any circumstances, but your partner was very unreasonable to have spoken to the woman - it’s none of his business what she was saying. If he didn’t want your child to hear her swearing, he should have got off the tram.

It was rude of her to be having a conversation on speakerphone in public. I swear but wouldn’t knowingly swear in front of children. If we take our children out in public it’s not unreasonable that they will hear someone swearing and it’s not for us to interfere in private conversations.

Oh don’t be ridiculous.

When my DS was small (4 or 5ish) he told a group of teenagers on the bus to stop swearing because "there's a little child here". I was mortified. They did stop though, and apologised to him.

I would have asked someone to politely stop in the past but people are so aggressive these days. I get intimidated now!!

I was at the pool today with my child doing a swimming lesson and I said to a boy about 9 that he probably shouldn’t keep walking towards the pool with his trainers on or he should take them off poolside like the signs said.
his grandma came for me and said what are you saying to my grandson and I said oh just about shoes at the pool and she said he’s fine you leave him alone, in a very nasty way. You can’t say anything these days

Love this!

Oh wtf 😵‍💫

So completely disrupt and have to change your own travel arrangements cos of some selfish potty mouth??

No.

People swear in public. It is up to you to handle your and your child’s reaction to it.

If behaviour is not putting others in danger then keep out of it.

If the sweary person had been a bloke who was bigger than your partner, would he still have told him off?

Many women would feel intimidated by a random bloke doing that. Or he could have been on the receiving end of much worse language.

Sorry OP but your partner is an arse.

I think it was fine for your DH to say something, personally it's generally more polite and likely to get a better response if you ask someone to stop rather than tell them. I do wonder if he would have 'told' a big 6'2 bloke to stop in the same way. An occasional swear word can just slip out, but there's no need for constantly.

I used to live nextdoor to one of those people who use fuck as an adjective, adverb, exclamative and everything else, he used it more than any other word in his (limited) vocabulary and it just made him sound like an absolute idiot. I don't think he could have stopped it if you asked him. An average sentence was along the lines of "and then I went to the fucking gym and pressed fucking 120 and was like fuck that's my fucking PB fucking smashed, Tom was like fuck mate you fucking hit that...."

Or just carry on with your day without feeling the need to pull random women up on their behaviour.

there’s no NEED to change your travel arrangements because someone is swearing loudly - it’s a personal choice to get off the tram if you find it so offensive.

Dh should just distract the child with something. No need to get involved unless your DC is visibly upset and can't be distracted. It's a tram ride, you're on it for what 20 minutes at most? It's not even like a long train ride or a restaurant where you've ordered a meal and will be there for a long time.

I didn't swear in front of DCs when small but wasn't bothered about them hearing the words from others in public. If they ever used those words I would treat it like any other 'bad behaviour' depending on circumstances. Just the same as when other people walked across the road without looking or waiting for the green man - it doesn't matter what someone else says or does, my DC is expected to behave according to my rules (that sounds simplistic and harsh probably but I don't think comes across that way in reality!). How is a child supposed to know what bad behaviour/ language looks like if they are literally never exposed to it?

I always take the view live and let live if at all possible. A bit of swearing never hurt anyone. I don’t do it a lot but I do swear occasionally, if someone took me to task over it, I’d be amused most probably - do parents really think their kids don’t hear or know swear words, come on.

That is adorable.

It's bad enough that people do this. But it's also so depressing that people think it's acceptable for someone to be swearing loudly on a speaker phone in public. But I completely accept it's common and not advisable to get involved. Angry, self centred, ignorant aggressive behaviour is the norm. But that's society nowadays, isn't it.

Nobody said it was acceptable but nobody has the right to tell people not to do it in a private public place.

Public transport is not a private space. But that's my point. Things that are not acceptable can not be called out because 'nobody has the right'. But why do people have 'the right' to do things not acceptable. Despite what we are told, society can not function on 'rights' alone. We have duties to behave in a societal norm, irrespective of our 'rights'. But I accept that seems such an old fashioned view.

My father told some horrible drunk men to stop swearing in front of us on a coach when we were teens. It didn’t end well. Was proud of him though!

I made a typo but I think you knew that. It’s a public space and there will always be behaviour that others consider unacceptable.

The definition of unacceptable is different from person to person anyway. Just because you don’t like something, why do you get to tell off another adult?

Societal norms evolve, whether you like it or not. Otherwise we would all be living the same lifestyle as people hundreds of years ago.

Obviously the OP’s partner felt like the hero for confronting a woman in that situation but probably not a massive bloke.

Last person I heard swear on the bus
It started with my god,oh goodness
To oh shit..he was about 3and mum was doing her best to distract him.

Prior to that we were playing peek.a..boo.