Swearing on public transport and children

They’re not developmentally aware of social norms. Some loudmouth swearing around kids is a twat and it’s good to hear that most agree

Who aren’t? Most adults are fully aware of social norms (actually I say that but there is a current thread running where people think it’s okay to ignore social cues and approach strangers).

If you don’t want your kid picking up the language (assuming they notice) then deal with that as a parent.

I was told off by an arsehole in the theatre once because he thought it was me making noise during the performance. Funnily enough the one making the noise was the bloke sat next to me but of course he wouldn’t speak to him

So no, I didn’t apologise. I had a go at him and then got him thrown out.

No, kids running around being kids aren’t.
Thats good but you weren’t doing anything. Difference is the woman in the post was and she had it pointed out to her. Good job too!

You are being incredibly disingenuous by trying to suggest this is about 'men confronting women'.

Of course you have the right to 'tell off'' another adult, male or female, if their behaviour is obnoxious.

Seriously, grow a spine.

And where do we draw the line? If she used racist language? Words like bitch and cunt-some people find these really offensive, some don't.

People only do it because they assume the person will meekly apologise, like many have claimed on this thread.

Many people wouldn’t react as nicely. If you don’t want your kid to hear swearing then you might want to consider that some people will react aggressively (verbally or physically) to being confronted about it.

I have seen people taking it on themselves to tell someone off for swearing and then get told to ‘fuck off’. That was awkward.

Of course he should have said something. I was on a park and ride bus with my kids earlier this summer and there was a huge group of teenagers swearing constantly at each other. I don't even think they realised they were doing it, it's just normal language to them. Anyway I asked them nicely not to swear in front of my kids and they were actually really apologetic. I don't think it's a bad thing to hold people accountable for their behaviour, and as long as you're pleasant about it, it doesn't usually dissolve into confrontation.

Using a speakerphone is extremely rude. She was bang out of order to do that, as is anyone using a speaker in a public environment.

Swearing? Get over it. Policing other people's cussing is very Primary School. He's not a prefect and your child will hear plenty of suboptimal things during childhood. The job of a parent is to manage their child's reaction.

I'm prepared to bet the house on the OP's husband not reprimanding a 6'4" brick shithouse on language. It's a lot easier to have a go at a woman.

The only reason you do it is that you assume it won’t escalate. I’m sure you are right in most cases.

What happens when it does though? If they had told you to fuck off, what would you have done? Presumably you had considered that before speaking?

What if they had been aggressive to you? Would it really be worth the risk that your kids would witness a confrontation like that? Do you really think the use of bad language in the vicinity is worth risking god knows what?

I applaud your DH for bringing it to her attention. I don't suppose anyone usually challenges her. Why should everyone else have to listen to a loud, sweary conversation? At least now she might think twice. Some people don't know how to behave in public and it's no bad thing to tell them.

So what do you do when the person who is challenged simply tells you to fuck off? Or just swears more? Or follows you off the train to confront you?

Is it really worth it for something like that?

Of course it is. Day in day out I see behaviour from men that isn’t acceptable. Whether it’s shouted “complements” when you walk past; gratuitous conversations overheard; sexual comments about partners or exs; foul language; the list goes on. I’ve never once seen it called out or these men told that the behaviour isn’t on.

whereas I have been told off by men two times in the last three months. Once for breastfeeding in public, and once for putting the bins out too late (9pm). I can pretty much guarantee both these men’s high standards of behaviour wouldn’t translate to them telling other men how to conduct themselves

Once I told a man on the phone on the bus to stop swearing DD 2 was in a pushchair and taking everything in. She copied all the talking at that age 🤣and he called his sister and said he needed her to sort me out. I was actually a bit scared. All the elderly ladies on the bus were cheering me on

Again, what would you have done if he had got off at your stop and confronted you without the apparent cheerleading old ladies?

Are people too stupid to weigh up risk? I get people risking harm to protect someone who is being attacked or whatever, but risking it because you presumably aren’t able to stop your child using a word if they happen to hear it is batshit!

You clearly all only frequent areas where teenagers don’t carry weapons and always apologise when pulled up for swearing etc instead of becoming aggressive.

Or do you only confront those who look like they won’t have the guts to argue back?

It depends. We have to make a judgment before taking any sort of action. If they seem aggressive and they're bigger than me I probably wouldn't. But if there were people around who I thought would back me up, then yes I would (and have! When someone nicked a parking space I'd been waiting for and they had seen me waiting). But also, thinking logically, you are extremely unlikely to get punched. Just words? Sticks & stones, etc.

I'd have reported them to the manager or other staff to ask them to stop. With a large group like that they can easily fly off the handle. They're revolting.

Swearing in public is not evolution. It's regression.

I get his frustration and may have done the same thing as your husband OP.

At the same time, demanding others behave as one wants them to causes our suffering.

If she had continued what would he have done?

Sure ita in front of children, and children will be exposed to mean people in their lives. My child knows not to swear regardless of adults around her doing so. The most she does when people swear is an eye roll.

I am not of the belief my comfort trumps others though.

Yes I agree. Intimidating, confronting etc aren't completely invalid and are appropriate to use in some instances, but they really shouldn't be a get out clause for obnoxious behaviour.

Kudos to your husband for confronting that brusk, classless woman.

Her potty mouth isn't appropriate in public spaces.

What nonsense.

So you would only stick to your principles if they were smaller than you or you assume some strangers would back you up? Oh dear. So you are prepared to let people swear away if you think they will retaliate?

Good luck with that - personally I wouldn’t shout and swear in a public place or use speakerphone but it’s far less offensive than being tackled by the language police on the basis that they think you won’t kick off at them.

I’d have said something. I’ve asked big groups of drunk lads to stop swearing on the train and always got a good response. Although they haven’t always been capable of stopping they have mostly tried their hardest. It’s how you ask.
It’s really obnoxious to swear repeatedly in public.
I swear and I’m ok with the odd swear word but constant swearing is nasty. I dissaprove