AIBU to be angry after a girl faked pregnancy so my son could respond to her messages?

Yeah no he doesn’t come out well either I’m not saying he is an angel but I am saying he doesn’t deserve for someone to lie about a pregnancy. I guess it’s a lesson to be learnt and we will see what the schools association thinks of this situation

But OP is taking the same issue..’unsolicited’ pictures to the police …did that happen to your friends son?

Coercive control!

I've told bits and pieces of this story before on here, but never the whole thing, partly because I don't come off particularly well, but mainly because it was a horrible experience and I really don't like thinking about that stretch of my life.

I met my first girlfriend during my first year of uni. Within about 3 months it had become clear that she had a very traumatic past, was quite mentally unwell, and was self medicating with alcohol.

I was woefully unequipped with the life experience to deal with this. I tried to talk her into going to her GP, she wasn't a student otherwise I'd have talked to the uni as well. I decided I needed to get out of the relationship. She got wind that I was planning on splitting up with her, and next thing I knew she was pregnant. She had an abortion and I lost the courage to split. When I was nearly ready to do it again, suprise, another pregnancy, another abortion.

(Why was I still sleeping with her? Because I was young, and stupid, and honestly it was easier than dealing with the meltdowns that would occur when I didn't.)

This time I didn't buckle and ended it. What followed was weeks of 3am phone calls, hammering on my door etc. My housemates were not pleased. About 3 months in, she turned up in the middle of the night drunk and I caved, let her in, talked and let her sleep in my bed while I kipped in a housemates room. I went to lectures the next morning to find she'd destroyed everything. Cut up my clothes, scratched my CDs, drawn on my posters and tipped a can of beans on my bed.

Another couple of months and I hear from a mutual friend that there were complications from the abortions and she'd had to have a hysterectomy. I didn't know what to believe by this point. The harassment had stopped after the room destruction and I was trying to forget she existed.

Another month, I get a phone call about 11pm. I answer and it's her. She's slurring, beyond drunk and talking about not being here any more and wanting to say Bye. I managed to get out of her that she's taken something and call an ambulance. Somehow she convinces them she's fine and I get a call saying she's in no danger, followed by a another call from her calling me every name under the sun. I call mutual friend in desperation and then wash my hands of it, honestly kind of hoping she'd die. Friend goes round, finds door unlocked and goes in to find my ex passed out. Gets her into hospital and stomach pumped.

That was the last time I ever heard from her.

I spent the next couple of years absolutely terrified of any woman who showed an interest in me. I had a fair few one night stand, mostly after uni when I went travelling for a year and knew there was no chance of any further connection with someone. It took a good 3 years before I met a girl at a concert and promptly fell head over heels before I felt able to properly have a girlfriend again.

I bumped into the mutual friend about 10 years after uni. My ex is apparently sober, has her own successful business, and has 2 kids. That yes, are her own and she was pregnant with. So the hysterectomy at least was a lie, I don't know about the abortions. The mix of relief and utter anger I felt at her is hard to describe.

@PithySloth This is going to affect your son. It'll likely always be in the back of his mind somewhere, but that doesn't mean that he's never going to be able to have a decent relationship going forwards.

The girl has low self esteem. She thinks sex=love and she thinks she can make your son love her if she has enough sex with him. She also panicked when he pulled away and tried the only thing she knew to get him to stay with her.

Just because he laid it on the line that he was only sleeping with her because he wanted sex doesn't meant that she believed it.

The whole situation is vomit inducing tbh. He used her as a piece of meat, he doesn't understand safe sex practices . Did he think the condom split or did he risk it? He also needs to learn to step back from vulnerable women and girls rather than have sex with them as they are "easy". Your son's attitude is a major problem and as pp said, Andrew Tate vibes.

What crime is lying about pregnancy OP? If others are to be believe on here the girl is “psychotic” so wouldn’t have any liability for anything. It wasn’t for financial gain…so which crime does your legally qualified OP advise this is?

I think you’ve jumped the shark with that comment OP

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that boys having sex for no other reason than they want sex is a bit sad? Feels a bit Andrew Tate to me.

Of course he didn't so lesson learned

You've been really clear in your messages. I can't believe the pile on you're getting and the bashing your son's character's getting when you were very open about the disappointment you felt in some of his actions and comms. The main thing is that yes, it's totally reasonable to fucking fuming that someone has lied about a non-existent pregnancy. It's manipulative and concerning. Some of this thread has shown the worst of netmums, the group think, the assumptions.

I've got a son the same age as yours, I also know lots of other teens that age, and I think you and your husband have handled it well. It's great that he's been able to open and honest with you. The scariest things happen when they keep secrets. We've had friends of my son who've experience sextortion, they've been blackmailed into either sending money or having messages and private photos and videos shared. Thankfully, they've been able to tell a grown up and it's been embarrassing but not ended in the same tragedies we hear of in other situations.

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that boys having sex for no other reason than they want sex is a bit sad? Feels a bit Andrew Tate to me.

Psychotic might be over the top but she's clearly not well balanced. A lot of posters are calling her vulnerable which is also a misnomer and is no excuse for her behaviour.

I actually feel quite sympathetic to OP and her son.

Not the point but lying about a pregnancy is actually a crime especially with the intent based on their correspondence when she told him she was pregnant and when she finally told him the truth and why she lied. Even in the messages he was telling her how stressed he is, saying he’s struggling to sleep and not sure what he’s going to tell his parents and what she plans to do and that’s when she said she wants an abortion and he said he will go to the appointment with her

Look I am not saying he is innocent but there’s clearly a bias even with the explicit pictures people are saying he is to blame. If it was the other way round I think they’d be a completely different view. I didn’t come here to have a girl vs boy discussion. I think people have taken this the complete wrong way I’ve even said DH and I have failed as parents if such a thing can happen to our son. He is very much down and we are worried for him which is why I am frustrated at this yes yes he is to blame for being honest and saying he doesn’t want a relationship etc but there’s a lot more nuance to this. We aren’t happy with any of this and he knows that. He has just turned 18 there’s time to change and navigate relationships better.

We don’t want anyone to get in trouble but it’s a safety concern as we had access to explicit photos and are worried at what is going on. There’s probably more to the story my son isn’t telling us but we’ve got his phone and now he can answer for what the hell he’s got himself into. The fake pregnancy is the least shocking thing here at this point.

As it involved deliberate deception but I am not in the legal field I can only infer from the messages we will see what the safeguarding lead suggests they’re yet to get his phone.