To leave early after my dad told off my son?

She was parenting him. She told him it was wrong and also said it was out of character. But don’t let that get in the way of you trying to shame someone for your own weird reasons.

I'm never on the side of overbearing, domineering bullies, no matter how in the right they might be.

Why haven’t you taught your DS table manners in the first place? Surely you have been to your parents before and know their expectations of table manners? I became aware of MiLs expectations (without her actually saying anything) very early on and was quite grateful as it made us make sure our DC had excellent table manners.

She told him it was wrong and that was clearly and repeatedly utterly ineffective

she told him he wouldn’t get pudding and it was ineffective

she needs to find effective ways to teach the child to behave not just telling him it’s wrong. Some children respond to that, many others see it as weak parenting

remove him from the table
speak more sharply at him - clearly that’s never happened before
or chose a “no” something the child actually cares about - clearly the child wasn’t bothered by the pudding or knew he’d get it anyway

It sounds like neither is used to each other.

Your dad doesn't try and communicate with DS and your DS doesn't know how to communicate with adults.

Sounds like you need to encourage them both to have better conversations to develop their relationship.

Updates … or excuses!
Should all be in original post … drip feed over 13 pages, pointless

What OP said and what actually happened are two different things … sounds like OP makes excuses for her child’s behaviour and her parenting style.

Agree. People tell OP she is wrong … suddenly there is a big he backstory of bullying and controlling behaviour. Anyone heard of discipline or is that no longer allowed?!?

So she says … or insisted his daughter behave?

No, but if she can’t discipline and parent him correctly at the dinner table then doesn’t give much hope for the other areas if his life.

I agree! So many posters seem to be missing the point.

How could you possibly know what happened?

Does your son behave like this when eating in public?

I agree.

There are ways of helping children to learn how to behave and raising your voice until the child cries and then telling off the parent in front of them, is not one of them.

No parent is 100 per cent perfect.. and he certainly isn't perfect by any stretch.

I was in the middle of dealing with it by taking away his pudding & film after. I also took him away from the table and he came back and apologised...If it had ended there then it would’ve been fine.

Many posters have overlooked that the child came back and apologised, but this made no difference to OP's dad.

And you know that…how? You are reading way too much into a strangers post on MN and you sound incredibly over invested.

It’s very sad when a mother comes here to ask for advice about a difficult situation and the best that other mothers can do is tell her how shit she is. I mean if she were defending his bad behaviour it might be a different matter but she isn’t. She acknowledged that it was poor manners but felt that her dad was maybe a bit heavy handed in his approach. That’s what the post is about but no, let’s keep berating her to make ourselves feel superior.

Because he is 5.

What is the Dad's excuse?

Didn’t say I did … but we are only going to get one side of the story.

There are 3 sides to every story.

Don’t have to be perfect parents to address the problem rather than ignore poor behaviour.

I would usually agree in principle, as it is a thing, but to be honest the information is all right there in her OP that something isn't 'right' in their relationship.

He doesn't just raise his voice to her son, he tells him he's got no manners, that he doesn't want to eat dinner with him again (carrying it on in to the future), and then tells him to go to bed (obviously skipping the film they had planned anyway), when the son starts crying he turns on OP saying she isn't raising him correctly, and that he is a rude child for ignoring him earlier in the day, all in front of her son.

It is WAY over the top by anyone's standards, and yes, abusive IMO, a few simple stern words would have sufficed if he really didn't think he was listening to OP enough for his liking, not the tirade of abuse that he metered out to both of them, he didn't want to discipline him at all, he wanted to vent his anger at both of them.

OP then went to bed with her son to get away from the situation instead of confront it, she finishes by saying she doesn't want to stay and she knows her dad will never apologise for his actions.

It's all right there in the OP that he is emotional abusive, and she may be afraid of him, if you've never had an emotional abusive parent, then whoopedy fucking doo for you, it doesn't mean OP is fabricating anything.. as soon as I read her OP I knew exactly what sort of 'man' he is.

Emotional abuse now? Being told off firmly? Not even shouting ?

and the reasoning being adult interpretation ? Because he said he doesn’t want to eat dinner with him in the future? Of course he doesn’t !

Why can't your DS sit still at a dinner table at 5ys does he have additional needs (autism/ADHD) or is he just as your dad said a kid with no manners. Because if it's the latter I too would have made him cry very likely as I would have swiftly sent him away from my table. My DS9 has been able to sit at a table from being 6mo and transitioning to a "big chair" made no difference as he understood the expectations of sitting at a dinner table. It infuriates me when we are out eating and kids can't just sit and eat a meal without disturbing others it's not hard to teach manners.

My father would have sent us outside if we behaved like that at the table. It's a life lesson for you - other people will not accept poor manners in your child.

Because he said he doesn’t want to eat dinner with him in the future? Of course he doesn’t !

Because it shows the OTT nature of his 'discipline', no emotional healthy person berates a child in such a way for something as simple as table manners, and then turns on their mother in front of them to berate her for not raising a nice enough child, all in front of the child.. none of that is 'discipline'.

Telling him off, sending him out .. all fine, deal with it at that moment. To correct behaviour you have to at least give a child chance to see the error of it and rectify it, saying you never want to eat with them again, is just designed to hurt them with maximum impact.. in other words what you have done is so bad that even if you behave well next time, I never want to eat another meal with you as you've upset me so much.

He was angry and he wanted to vent that anger, end of.

Hopefully he gets his wish and his daughter doesn't visit him again.