To leave early after my dad told off my son?

You know it was rude behaviour and DS wasn’t listening to do so sometimes it’s good for another adult to tell a child something and for them to listen and obey

DS knows what he did was wrong and didn’t like getting told off so cried

what you should have done if sorted DS out. Settled in bed and gone back down to talk to your dad

it is very hard being a single parent. Im one as well

I’m sure your dad didn’t mean oh we’re a shit mum but he prob got fed up of DS ignoring you

Yes, and I’d add that I also think it’s very possible that OP’s DS was acting up specifically because he was picking up on the atmosphere.

@Sparklesbigtoe you've said that you’re scared of your father; it doesn’t sound like he was a loving father you felt safe with as a child and it doesn’t sound like he’s a loving grandfather now, or that you’ve had many previous visits to him. If you and your child are in an unfamiliar situation where you don’t feel really relaxed and comfortable, your DS is going to sense the tension, and possibly your anxiety, even if nothing is said overtly.

That alone could be the cause of behaviour that’s unusual for him.

It’s sobering to see how many MNers seem to be devoid of empathy for children, how rigid and authoritarian so many are. Small child behaving inappropriately at the dinner table = absolutely inexcusable; grown man scaring his daughter/grandchild = totally fine.

I really wish these attitudes were a thing of the past; society would be a lot better for it if they were.

If you're not expecting "perfect parenting" then you all wouldn't conclude that one dinner where her child acts up is a sign that she's not parenting her son well. Kids act up all the time for various reasons and many of you would be better relations to children if you were more curious about their behaviours.

This is why I cannot take some of you seriously.

As an old man he's excused for lacking skills but the 5 year old who is newer to the world isn't???

For a 5 year old, better questions are:

"What was your favourite thing about school today?"

"What did you eat for lunch?"

"who did you sit next to?"

Basically more specific questions that require factual answers can be better for engagement.

I would have left.

Your dad is a grown ass man and if we can expect better from the 5yo we can expect better from him. Telling a child you don't want to eat with them ever again is just lashing out in anger, and isn't dealing with shit.

I also advice taking questions like these to spaces with behavioural therapists (there are Youtube channels and social pages for this) because this forum is notoriously bad for providing reasonable advice when it comes to younger children especially.

I'm surprised at the number of people siding with your father. He's only 5 years old, especially boys find it very difficult to sit still and do adult conversation. It's just a phase and he will get better and you were dealing with it. I'd suggest a calm conversation with your Dad about itIf it carries being uncomfortable, get a taxi/ask your Dad to drive you to get a train.
My Dad is the same, mealtimes were horrid growing up, especially for my younger hyperactive brother. And when my two were younger we visited less often as it was too stressful all round, not just mealtimes but he struggles with the mess and noise of kids. Fair enough, his house. We do shorted, infrequent visits.

Neither approaches work. Shouting at a kid until they cry is gross and letting them get away with everything is also gross. Both as bad approaches as each other.

Obvs your dad is right about the manners, but i don't believe that shouting helps the situation.

Sounds like you're permissive and your dad's too far the other way (both wrong in my opinion)

But to answer your question, yes you probably should leave, your dad is clearly sick of it and you don't want your child shouted at so sounds like a win win for both parties.

I think that the responses are somewhat skewed here by the fact that the OP referred to it simply as her father having 'told off' her son. A telling-off, in the sense of 'Don't burp at the table; it's very rude!' would have been quite justifiable. It sounds as though her dad didn;t just tell the child off, but persistently verbally attacked him, and, perhaps more importantly, openly interrupted and interfered with the OP's attempts to discipline him (she was not ignoring his behaviour) and criticized her iin front of her child. Being so disrespectful of the mother in the child's presence is IMO worse than even the most outrageously bad table manners. If he felt he had to criticize her , he should have waited to do so in private.

Ok so your son was being a bit silly, but i can relate to you a lot OP, my dad was the same when my children were small- he also has criticised my parenting, when he himself was emotionally abusive to me and my siblings when we were growing up- we all have significant mental health problems as a result and one of my siblings took their own life last year.
My kids are grown now and don’t have much to do with their grandfather- he can’t be bothered with them, and clearly my parenting can’t be that bad as they’ve all grown into decent, kind adults.

My advice to you would be to keep your distance, he sounds like a shit parent and a shit grandparent, your son doesn’t need his toxicity.

As soon as I saw, my son wouldn't have been rude to his grandad , when you wernt there says it all. You see no wrong in your son and your father is pulling him up o his bratish behavior. I personally apologise to my dad, maybe ask him for help and advice with ds's behavior, as by what you have written, unfortunately you need it.

If your dd has always been emotionally abusive and controlling, why does his behaviour towards your child surprise you? Why go and spend a few days with him? At 5yrs of age, a child should be able to use a knife and fork and have table manners. If he kept burping at the table it would put me off my food. He must does this alot, because he carried on doing it when told not too. Discipline starts from day one, or you will rue the day

So he's done a rude behaviour multiple times but you were giving him one more chance? No wonder your dad cracked it. Some things you need to come down hard and fast with immediate consequences. Not oh no, one more chance or no dessert and movie, while everyone else has been turned off their meals because of revolting behaviour. One warning then consequence.

It's been a day now.

what happened the next time you went down to sit at the dinner table did your son not burp?

I don’t think your being totally unreasonable it’s horrible your parents make you feel your not parenting correctly!
The fact you’ve said you’ve not went back downstairs as you know he won’t have an adult conversation with you makes me think he is very he is the parent he is right your wrong even at the age you are now he doesn’t see you as an adult. I’m only going from my own experiences and felt for you as it’s horrid when you don’t have the relationship with your parents where you can talk to them and feel supported in your parenting journey!!
For all those saying your son is xyz I feel for you to as he’s still a small child and yes he was being inappropriate in that moment and you were trying to deal with him but maybe he was totally fed up off the old man and just trying to lighten the mood!

just wanted to post as these replies can sometimes be brutal when you can’t post all the background and people don’t know you son/dad at the family dynamics!

take care OP! Parenting and dealing with grumpy shouty grandparents is hard work!’

Team Dad/Grandad.

In a five year old boy’s world, burps are the height of humor. The only thing funnier is farts. The OP needs to teach DS that there’s a time and a place for that kind of thing. Young children are naturally fidgety, but they can ask to be excused from the table. Sadly, it appears that Grandad’s parents didn’t teach him how to behave with guests of any age, nor how to offer concern and guidance to their adult children instead of being over critical and berating them.

I’m a Boomer and I think her dad handled things badly.

Yep I see the problem

Oh for fuck’ s sake!

The way you are falling on your sword for someone you don’t know is unhinged … majority have voted that OP is U anyway.
She hasn’t said no taxi will attend the address.
Anyway, OP and left the thread now that she doesn’t like the truth … similar to leaving her parent house.

Wait - your dad has been emotionally controlling and abusive to you as a child and you have willingly exposed your son to someone like that.
sorry but your no1 priority should be your child and anyone who has exhibited those behaviours in the past - to the point you are still scared of them - should not get within a 50ft radius of your kid.

But he didn't shout. He told the boy off firmly...something that the op wasn't doing. She was taking away his pudding and a film later...so something he probably wasn't going to eat and a treat in the future. He was also removed from the table and returned to burp ... clearly she wasn't dealing with it