DD wants to take a gap year due to her brother

Op I would treat this as any other request for a gap year- fine if she has something useful lined up. Is she going to volunteer/ travel? If she just wants to work and be at home I would probably say no.

As someone who had a sibling with severe mental health issues I would encourage your DD to go to UNI because he will always have mental health issues, he will need support his whole life if she doesn’t go now there will always be an excuse as to why she can’t because of her brother.

She needs to go. She is not responsible for him. His health issues are not her fault. She can't fix him.

The comment about "leave me like you always do" is normal for mentally ill people. When he was well he wouldn't want her to miss uni for him, he's unwell, he doesn't blame her and he doesn't expect her to put her life on hold for him.

He will most likely be ill for a long time. There's no guarantee he'll be fine by this time next year. She could give up her whole life for her ill brother and it won't make a jot of difference.

She needs to go. And you need to reassure her that you are responsible for him and you will oversee his care.

You know your DD.

Is she the type of person to worry a lot? If so then that is no way to start uni.

She has got her first choice, it will still be there in a year.

I would strongly advise you to make sure your dd goes to university and then while she's there try and shield her from any bad stuff happening with her brother.
Your dd needs havd her own life and to not feel she is responsible for her brothers happiness.
The situation with your ds sounds like a living nightmare OP x

I would encourage her to go to uni. It sounds like the situation with her brother is desperately sad. It also sounds like there’s a chance that things would be in a similar situation next year (obviously hopefully not).

A gap year with a plan to work/travel etc then yes maybe, a gap year trying to help her brother with very serious mental illness, I’d be keen to discourage if I could. So sorry OP.

Your son remains sectioned for a reason.
Can you obtain a second opinion on his treatment and a review of his medication? Does he need investigation/camera/ tests into common conditions that cause reflux - Helicobacter etc.

Your DD needs to fly away to uni. Staying visiting DB could bring on depression. She does not need the burden. Send DB uplifting letters and cards.

What an emotional a difficult time for a young 18 year old woman to have to go through,your poor son too my heart absolutely goes out to him and you as well op.

Your son absolutely sounds very similar to me at that age,I was sectioned under the mental health act,first section 5 (2) which is and emergency holding section,then section 2,which is 28 days then they put me on section 3 for six months at the end of that they renewed it again.

It sounds like not much has changed in the mental health services,I completely understand they need to keep him safe and that has to be the number 1 priority but to just medicate people up and not have any therapeutic interventions and group therapy is not helpful to someone's recovery.

I was diagnosed with chronic post traumatic dress disorder, EUPD, anxiety and depression and adjustment disorder, like your son I was making absolutely no progress in the end op my family pulled me out of that hospital and literally had to pay thousands and thousands to send me to a private hospital where I was able to start therapy and attend groups I was making steady progress.

When I did make a lot of progress I was slowly given leave first a few hours at a time,they overnight leave and then weekends.on discharge,I was given a community psychiatric nurse,my one on one therapy was set up, sadly not many people can afford to go private but it still upsets me that thousands of people are sitting on pysch wards up and down the country not getting the care they deserve.

I hope he makes progress,please keep us informed my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

OP if he's going to get a section 3 you need advice immediately, are you his designated Nearest Relative? Does he have access to an IMHA? Are your DC twins, in which case this will be even harder for DD?

Have you had any advice and support from any charity or agency at all?

We went through all of this with my brother who has schizoid affective disorder. The poisoning, the suspicion that you are against him, the blame are all symptoms of his paranoia. He perceives he is being badly treated but in all honesty he probably isn't and you are seeing it all from his warped perspective because you have no other.
Please arrange a meeting with his psychiatrist for you and your daughter, preferably without your son there so you can both talk openly about your concerns. This helped our family enormously.
It's so very very hard. Your daughter must do what she feels is right for her and she may see things differently if she can talk to the hospital.
Please inbox me if you need any support from someone who has been exactly in your family's shoes and actually still is.
Much love to you all

Your DD will be experiencing something that many young adults won’t understand, it can be extremely isolating, destabilising and scary. Let her stay home, but only for a year and in that time encourage her to go to counselling or join a Rethink siblings group so she’s got time to process all of this and understand how she’s going to cope once she’s away from home.

I was in your DD’s situation but went to uni and had no support or even acknowledgment from my parents about the worry and anxiety it caused me, to the point I ended up with my own mental health problems.

It sounds like you’re all going through a lot, it won’t hurt just to pause for a year.

What happened to the previous thread?

Yes, this 100%!

OP ignore comments from the lucky people that have not experienced a child with severe MH illness

This

So right!!!!!

I’d do everything I could to help your daughter succeed in the world and not have two people’s lives ruined by your son’s mental illness. It’s not her responsibility. Her responsibility is to live as best she can

It sounds like your son is very unwell and this is unlikely to be resolved quickly. Your daughter needs to live her life. Could you talk to her about it, try and find out her reasoning? Reiterate that he is in the safest place for him currently.

Do you think she might benefit from therapy- it must be exceptionally hard to have a sibling so close in age (twins?) who is struggling so much and must have taken over a lot of family life. Would therapy help her make sense of the situation and how
to deal with any guilt?

As advice goes, that's about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

OP, I'd be encouraging her to go. Her brother is likely going to be a responsibility for her throughout her life. She needs to understand she can be selfish, that she can put herself first.

I'd encourage her to go. What if it happens again next summer? There's a good possibility, I have 2 family members with serious MH issues and they have been sectioned several times. I really don't think your DD can do anything for him either, I've bent over backwards trying to help people but I've realised when it's that severe only the right medication is going to get them stable and then psychology. We seem to hold this responsibility for managing someone's mental illness in a way we wouldn't for a physical health problem. Probably because we think when we've felt a bit low friends and family have helped cheer us up, but serious mental illness isn't like that, it requires medical intervention.

You will also know yourself how heartbreaking and draining it is to care for someone who is mentally ill. I'd want to shield my DC from that as much as possible. Your DD needs to go and live her own life.

...and he said “leave me then just like you always do”...

This is not OK.

Your daughter needs to be encouraged to carry on with her life, go to Uni, progress, and do what she wants to do, not be worrying about her brother to the extent that she feels she needs to take a gap year.

OP you're in AIBU; I have two young adult DDs and one has a serious mental illness, I've seen the toll it has taken on her sister. I'm also involved in a number of parent carers' groups where their young adult DC have psychosis and are on section. Most people want a person who has been sectioned to remain so, and most will want to say your daughter should be discouraged from her plan, and most will say these things without any idea of what either situation involves, so please do get advice from Mind about both your DCs' situations.

I’m in 2 minds OP.

If she does have a gap year I’d worry it would be a year of moping about and trying to pick up the pieces for her brother. But his situation sounds incredibly complex and unlikely to improve dramatically. Atleast it doesn’t seem like your DD being around more is likely to make a big difference to his overall situation.

Shes probably better off getting away to uni and having some fun away from all this.

She’ll worry about him and I’m sure what to be there for him either way. But it doesn’t seem fair for it to take over her life too.

Ridiculous comment. The poor young man is very unwell and needs to be in hospital He wouldn't be safe at home and chances are neither would his family.

Your poor daughter, she must feel so torn. But her brother is not her responsibility and she needs to make provisions for her life and future. Well done to her for getting into uni!

The bar for being sectioned is very high. I’m going to assume he’s in hospital because otherwise he’d be dead or could have caused harm to others.