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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I don't like confrontation'

56 replies

Odoreida · 20/08/2026 10:13

I see this phrase everywhere on this site and it is often the start of a situation which then escalates. AIBU to say that no-one likes confrontation, but stating your needs / an opposing point of view / pointing out when someone has done something wrong politely and firmly is an essential life skill and it's worrying that so many people don't seem to have it?

Of course you don't want to put yourself in danger, but there are so many situations that can be easily resolved by using your words straight away.

If you 'don't like confrontation', how do you get your point across when it becomes necessary? Or do you just suffer in silence and, I guess, post here about it instead?

OP posts:
toastofthetown · 20/08/2026 11:36

My other least favourite is when someone’s partner ‘doesn’t like conflict’ so refuses to directly deal with the negative behaviour of someone in their life on the OP. So the partner ‘doesn’t like confrontation’, and who does, but in a situation like where there is already conflict, someone is going to be upset. But they push all the conflict and upset on their partner because they find it easier for their partner be upset than the third party.

Original poster
Odoreida · 20/08/2026 10:35

MyArtfulGreySloth · 20/08/2026 10:16

Yet every reply on here is always “go and talk to the horrible scary aggressive neighbour” “use your words” “just tell them” when op has just wrote a paragraph about how intimidating the person is 🙄

But often it is the only option and surely it is better to try and give yourself the tools to do that? Maybe by talking to other non-aggressive non-scary neighbours so that you have some support?

OP posts:
Beachlover1993 · 20/08/2026 10:18

Odoreida · 20/08/2026 10:13

I see this phrase everywhere on this site and it is often the start of a situation which then escalates. AIBU to say that no-one likes confrontation, but stating your needs / an opposing point of view / pointing out when someone has done something wrong politely and firmly is an essential life skill and it's worrying that so many people don't seem to have it?

Of course you don't want to put yourself in danger, but there are so many situations that can be easily resolved by using your words straight away.

If you 'don't like confrontation', how do you get your point across when it becomes necessary? Or do you just suffer in silence and, I guess, post here about it instead?

You can have opposing views but respect an opinion you may not agree with.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 20/08/2026 10:16

Yet every reply on here is always “go and talk to the horrible scary aggressive neighbour” “use your words” “just tell them” when op has just wrote a paragraph about how intimidating the person is 🙄

Scride · 20/08/2026 10:16

I think this all the time! Nobody loves confrontation. But being appropriately assertive and having boundaries is an important life skill. I roll my eyes when I see this phrase.

nomas · 20/08/2026 10:16

YANBU. Women are still socialised to stay quiet unfortunately.