Just walked out on kids

On the other hand, it’s a cue for children to reflect on their ratty behaviour. A good sharp shock.

My mother did this once or twice - just removed herself and it did make us realise that our bickering was out of order.

This is the kind of thing that would have been really effective with me as a child. Telling me off just made me double down, sending me to my room just made me sulk, but when my parents made it clear how much my behaviour disappointed and upset them I wanted to stop right away and do better. Hopefully its the same with your kids.

Fully agree with this. 30 mins alone is not imo abandoning them as another poster said, it’s decompressing and finding a moment to calm yourself before going back in to deal with it and explain how their behaviour is affecting everyone. We’ve all been there op. Take a breath, look after yourself and then deal with the dc.

My mum did this a lot to me when I was growing up. She was a lovely mum but my Dad worked away a lot. We were really well-behaved children (three girls) but she just got overwhelmed and she wasnt great at emotional regulation (probably quite typical of her generation)

I understand OP’s feelings of overwhelm and 100% cast no judgement. There are times in the past I have texted my husband to come here NOW as I need to get out for a run before I say something I regret. Not so much because the children are being awful but just because its incessant and Im at the end of my tether.

But I dont agree with the posters applauding this and saying it is a good lesson for the children. I still remember the feelings of intense anxiety wondering whether my mum had gone for good. I also remember thinking it was likely she would leave forever at some point before I grew up. So it does affect your children - and in ways you might not be able to imagine if you have not felt the same as a child.

It also isnt about the children’s behaviour. It’s about parental overwhelm. None of which is suggesting the OP is anything but a great mother (as mine was) - but it does cause damage. It is a warning sign you need more support - whether that is from the other parent or coping techniques to improve emotional regulation.

I hope this does not come across as judgemental as I do know exactly how OP feels. There have been times when if I couldnt have relied on my husband to step in, I could have locked myself in a cupboard and had a complete emotional breakdown. I never expected children to be so relentless! It is more in response to posters saying the children deserved it and it would teach them a lesson.

Deep breaths mumma.

It's the holidays! Every parent I have spoken to has said the same.
My two are young 4 and 7 but oh my goodness they have done nothing but argue and fight and wind each other up!
These holidays have been difficult with the heat and limited things to do.
I even threatened them with going to stay with grumpy grandad in my moment of pure rage.
The holidays will end soon. They will get a break from each other and back in to routines.
Even when we go out for the day and they are good as soon as we get home they start.
I know it can get really overwhelming.
Just got to ride the last few weeks out.

Can you get one on a play date? Just give them a bit of space.

I used to babysit other people's kids when I was 12. I know times were different but I was perfectly capable.

I'm sure you're grateful for the reminders they are children, you're the adult and siblings bicker. If you could just pull yourself together and stop behaving like a human being that has a limit for refereeing arguments over nothing you too could be a perfect parent just like some of the other posters here.

A few minutes to escape the mayhem put you in a much better position to deal with them calmly instead of losing it and adding to the chaos so it all worked out. Don't feel bad about it, they're not toddlers.

Same here, my mum worked and was perfectly capable of looking after myself until she got home, nothing untoward ever happened.

OP came back, kids stopped all fine now.

It’s not really about her walking out to be honest, I may have done the same. My comment was more about how OP said ‘not having this be my life’. I’m pointing out that it is, in fact, her life.

Observing the constant bickering amongst grown adults on Mn I am hardly surprised that kids bicker....

Sympathies OP...they will hopefully bond over this and in the future will say 'do you remember when Mum left home...'

(My Mum did this once - I am the eldest and suddenly became aware of my responsibility for my younger brother, even for the short time she was gone, And he meekly understood the importance of us behaving and staying safe. Not sure how long it lasted)

True!

Oh get over yourself! My mum locked us in the loft when sis and I (11 & 7) were bickering whilst playing up there. She just raised the loft ladder.
Gives you perspective. Even mums lose their patience and kids are feral and need to learn.
Told sis she wouldn’t leave us to starve up there so alls good.😇

👏👏!
Mine were older, probably 10 and 13, but making so much noise, play fighting and the dog joining in, barking non stop. I begged them over and over to stop, but would they?

Dh was away for work, I didn’t care. I got in the car and drove for over 2 hours to a friend I hadn’t seen for ages.
When she opened the door I said, ‘I’ve run away from my kids - can I stay the night?’
Had a brilliant evening, plenty of 🍷🍷, drove home the next day.
I’ve never once regretted it!

You've never forgiven her. Fucking hell. What a charmed life you must lead if you still hold this against her.

My mum did this to me when I was about 14.

My dad had died of cancer a few months earlier, and my grandad was now dying of cancer on a hospital bed in our living room. My mum was facing the sack from her low-paid job because of all her sick/caring/compassionate leaves.
The day she walked out I was being a sulky teenager about some nonsense.

My mum said "I can't fucking deal with this life", grabbed her keys and left the house for a few hours.

No, it didn't feel like she was abandoning me 🙄
It made me wake the fuck up and realise what a whole heap of shit she was dealing with, and how little she needed me being a little fucking twat on top of that. I honestly think it was a massive turning point in our relationship.

Here’s fucking hoping!

It's comments like this that make me wonder WTAF is wrong with some people. She left for a few minutes. She's not done a Lord Lucan🙄

Apart from @Nousernameideaaga

I walked away from my 3 year old throwing a tantrum in a supermarket once. I stood where I could see her but she could not see me. She remembers. She also stopped tantrumming once the audience was out of sight. Left her for about 3 minutes, not out of my sight.

Come on people I was babysitting at 12!
However as it was a sudden move I think I would have just gone to the car at sat there. If one of them had panicked they could find you fairly easily.

It’s hard and I’m sorry you are going through this. But this is your life, and this is the life you have chosen. You can’t just walk away from it I’m afraid.

I agree with this. It is not the children’s ages - you can reasonably leave a 12 and 9 year old for a short time. But their behaviour towards each other won’t improve if you don’t parent them and instil respect for each other in them.

😅😅😅 TBF that's the sort of thing my DB and I might have done in the same circumstances! We were little shits ourselves at times. I once booted a dent in my DB's bedroom door in fury, because he wouldn't let me in to thump him. 🤬
Our poor parents! 😅

They are 9 and 12, I'm sure they would realise she was coming back.

This sounds like a response from a parent who will act surprised and hurt when her kids go no contact one day.