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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at DH’s comments to DD’s BF?

112 replies

ProPickle · 19/08/2026 23:57

Dd is 16 and she's had a bf for about 5 months. He's just turned 17 And at college, dd will go to the same college in a couple weeks

He's a nice polite lad and seems to treat DD really well but DH hates him and he came away with us and he's been picking at him and everything he does

He has long curly hair and would probably be considered a feminine man using those stereotypes which there's nothing wrong with. DH insists he's gay, DD has told us he's bisexual but he still insistshe's gay. When we were away he out of nowhere asked if he's ever dated a boy (?) bf awkwardly said yes then DH was asking how long they were together and he was saying not long and it wasn't serious so he doesn't consider it a proper relationship. Both myself and DD tried to change the subject and we were successful until later that night. He asked him what makes a relationship serious/does he consider his relationship with dd serious etc he seemed awkward and said he was tired and went for a shower.

Another occasion we were watching a film at the end of another day he had laid his head in dds lap and she was sort of playing with his hair and she told him she was jealous of his hair and DH out of nowhere asked if it was naturally curly, he then said he’d look better if he chopped it off as the bf shouldn't have better hair than his gf(?) it was late and we all ignored him tbh

He mocked the bf for being a “theatre kid” to me but bf likely overheard,

Then last night, our final night he was back on the dating a man talk, he asked him what's stopping him leaning dd and dating a man and he said he loves dd and just because he's attracted to men doesn't mean he finds every man on the planet attractive, dd laughed and dh didn't seem pleased

We went home today and DD was already upset, she won't say what's wrong but DH automatically assumed bf did something and he said to her how he wasn't happy BF talked back to him and told her she needs to break up with him before he leaves her this has made DD worse

It's herGCSE results tomorrow (she says this isn't the problem) and he seems go care more about her bf

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Motnight · 20/08/2026 06:42

ValBiro · 20/08/2026 00:20

I'm surprised he's kept his homophobia from you all this time OP.

Agree.

Snufkin88 · 20/08/2026 06:41

Really horrible and he probably thinks he is being clever when in reality he is just being a bully and his comments could be quite damaging actually. I would have said something to my dh at the time if he spoke like this

HollyhocksandPeons · 20/08/2026 06:41

SunnyRedSnail · 20/08/2026 06:25

You sound as toxic and homophobic as the OPs husband.

Ohhh you ARE the OPs husband?!?!?

The DD is dating someone kind who makes her laugh.

@ProPickle you need to tackle your husbands homophobia. If my DH had behaved like that he wouldn't be my DH much longer!!

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OP's dh does not want a gay guy dating his daughter - have you seen those adverts 'Would you rather I married your daughter'? That sort of thing. And I am not homophobic - I am not irrationally scared of them.

AgentKim · 20/08/2026 06:27

I think you have let your DD and her BF down. You didn't pull your DH up at all.
Are you scared of your DH? He sounds like an awful nasty bully and your just as bad letting him get away with it.
I bet the BF will finish with your DD and she will never forgive the pair of you.
I too hope his parents come round and give you both a mouthful.

SunnyRedSnail · 20/08/2026 06:25

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You sound as toxic and homophobic as the OPs husband.

Ohhh you ARE the OPs husband?!?!?

The DD is dating someone kind who makes her laugh.

@ProPickle you need to tackle your husbands homophobia. If my DH had behaved like that he wouldn't be my DH much longer!!

AndImVictoriaMalcolm · 20/08/2026 06:22

Berlinlover · 20/08/2026 06:06

OP’s daughter is a 16 year old child, hopefully she’ll move on from this relationship.

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Well… yeah. Obviously it’s highly unlikely they’ll stay together forever. It doesn’t take away from the fact that genZ seem a lot less hung up and uptight about dating and friendships than previous generations and specifically those on Mumsnet.

Berlinlover · 20/08/2026 06:06

AndImVictoriaMalcolm · 20/08/2026 05:43

I couldn’t imagine being with a man who had in the past been intimate with another man, if that makes me a dinosaur so be it

But that’s you. Presumably OP’s daughter isn’t bothered at all.

OP’s daughter is a 16 year old child, hopefully she’ll move on from this relationship.

dreamingofgoodhair · 20/08/2026 06:05

I know she’s only 16 and highly unlikely to marry or make a life with this boyfriend but can you imagine in the future if she brings a potential husband home and he’s like this ? It could drive her away. Your husband is a dick.

Mydogisagentleman · 20/08/2026 05:53

Our DD is bi.
She had a 2 year relationship with a manchild whose mother kept asking him about DD leaving him for a woman.
Dd ended the relationship, not because of his mother, but the drip drip drip in his ear wasn't helpful.

redboxerclub · 20/08/2026 05:48

Volpini · 20/08/2026 00:24

I’d be absolutely livid with my husband if he conducted himself like this and I’d be doing a bit more than having a word. Invite a young person on holiday and when they’re trapped there with you proceed to behave like this? Hector them about their sexuality? Make homophobic comments about their mannerism and appearance? Why are you even questioning if you’re unreasonable to be mad? If my husband had conducted himself like this I wouldnt just be mad, you’d hear me from space.
My husband would have to be making some profuse apologies to daughter and boyfriend and quickly if he expected to remain married but I very much doubt this is the only time you’ve seen such awful attitudes from your husband. What on earth do you see in him? Hideous. His daughter isn’t going to forget or forgive this one and nor should you. Bin.

Edited

Well said.

AndImVictoriaMalcolm · 20/08/2026 05:43

I couldn’t imagine being with a man who had in the past been intimate with another man, if that makes me a dinosaur so be it

But that’s you. Presumably OP’s daughter isn’t bothered at all.

rwalker · 20/08/2026 05:43

I’d say he’s clearly worried the lad ether experimenting or finding himself and your daughter is going to get used or hurt in the process
But the way he’s expressing this is atrocious

Berlinlover · 20/08/2026 05:38

While I agree with PP that your husband was extremely rude, I wouldn’t be happy either if my daughter was dating someone who was bisexual. I couldn’t imagine being with a man who had in the past been intimate with another man, if that makes me a dinosaur so be it.

AndImVictoriaMalcolm · 20/08/2026 05:27

I would have gone nuclear at him at all of that blatant homophobia. I’m so relieved my husband isn’t a thick fucking dickhead like yours because I couldn’t live with the shame. Btw have you checked with husband he isn’t gay? He sounds obsessed with this very young man’s sex life.

That poor lad and your daughter- her father is an absolute embarrassment.

Morechocmorechoc · 20/08/2026 05:21

Your DH was awful and should not have behaved like that, however I have a friend like him who ended up realising he was gay and upset someine badly. Maybe your DH is just worried for his daughter and dealing with it horrendously.

Also everyone should stop assuming he is homophonic. Nobody wants their kid dating someone who is 16 and unsure which way they go. Philip scoffed prime example.....it happens and destroys lives.

HollyhocksandPeons · 20/08/2026 05:13

DurinsBane · 20/08/2026 05:05

So no one should a bisexual person? So that means bisexual people can never date?

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Why???? Where did I say that? Bisexual people should date bisexual people - no? Makes sense to me.

There was another thread on MN - 'I am a bisexual man. Is it a turn-off for you?' and the consensus was that it is a major turn-off and very valid reasons given, including diseases. One poster succinctly put it 'I am a woman and bisexual men love penises. I don't have a penis. End of'.

DurinsBane · 20/08/2026 05:05

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So no one should a bisexual person? So that means bisexual people can never date?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/08/2026 05:00

I think most of DD’s friends of the same age have long or longer hair and identify as being bisexual. DD is A-sexual. I just smile, it is the generation in certain circles. I don’t think many have had much if any sexual encounters with either sex.

Your DH is a dickhead. If my DH started this BS there would be war.

user1492757084 · 20/08/2026 04:59

Your DH was rude but probably not a homophobe. He would not bat an eyelid if the BF were dating a man.

Just worried about his DD being hurt because DH is ignorant as to how a young bisexual man feels towards their partners, given that DH is not bisexual.

utahsainthood · 20/08/2026 04:56

Your H sounds awful but really is it a good idea to invite a BF of 5 months to come away with you on holiday aged 16? That just sounds a bit much to me for that age - so intense for all involved.

Shoxfordian · 20/08/2026 04:42

Your husband is homophobic

Let that sink in and see if you want to stay married to someone like that.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 20/08/2026 04:02

Is coming away on holiday with you the first time he has met you? Has he been staying over at your home or her at his?
wonder if seeing his 16 yo sharing a bedroom with a relatively new bf on holiday has brought out some as pp have said caveman behaviours?

wanderingwillows · 20/08/2026 04:02

Your DH sounds toxic. Sorry

HollyhocksandPeons · 20/08/2026 03:29

DesperateHousewife2018 · 20/08/2026 03:17

What on earth is wrong with you?! Why would this be a problem? Especially one the parents feel the need to involve themselves in?

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What is wrong with ME?

DesperateHousewife2018 · 20/08/2026 03:17

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What on earth is wrong with you?! Why would this be a problem? Especially one the parents feel the need to involve themselves in?