To be annoyed at DH’s comments to DD’s BF?

Your husband sounds like a stereotype.

If boyfriend was from Liverpool he'd be referring to scouse gits.

Tell him to grow up and get real. They are very young, it probably won't last but let them enjoy it while they can without dad chiming in all the time.

You joke, but my first reading of this was that the DH is being really pervy.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was some suppressed homosexuality behind these comments/homophobia. A pretty 17yo bisexual boy coming into his house seems to have really agitated him.

Obsession with a 17 year olds appearance and quizzing them on previous relationships, what they think about relationships, is a bit creepy. I don't think that he would get away with this if the boyfriend was a 17yo girl iyswim, and I don't think the OP and other posters would be so willing to overlook the sexual undertones to this behaviour either.

EDIT: I have just read the full thread and realised some other posters have also gotten a whiff of this too, but are being pushed back on. I feel very sorry for this young man experiencing this homophobia/biphobia but also for not being protected from this perve as so few people will be willing to validate what is likely really going on here.

Your DH is a nasty, homophobic bully.
This will ruin his relationship with his daughter long after the relationship with her boyfriend has ended.

I agree on this. I cannot imagine this until a 'child' was at least 19 or 20 and then only when I knew the boyfriend or girlfrirnd really well. Not that it excuses the Dad's rudeness or homophbia obviously but it's all just far too much too soon

Off topic slightly but I'm a lesbian and have a lot of gay male friends and have spent a lot of time around gay men.

Gay men do NOT have long hair. Long hair is not a gay thing. I've never ever met known or known of a gay male with long hair.

I'd be asking him what he finds so threatening about an 17 year old boy and to keep his homophobic belittling opinions to himself.

What a nasty, homophonic bully…

He isn't obsessed with the 17 year old bisexual lad's sex life, he's interested in who is shagging his 16 year old DD.
I'd question him being invited along tbh. It's making the relationship bigger than it should be, at 16. Two 16 year old boys are going to be bang at it and it isn't the type of sex a 16 year old girl should be starting with. I'd keep my DD close to me and make sure contraception was being used. Let's not pretend that being left with a baby, as a teen, wouldn't be complicated by the father deciding he was gay, after all and wanting to play the field. Or staying together. But suddenly his male best friend goes everywhere with him. Life can be difficult enough.

OP your answer that a lot of straight men are into theatre is irrelevant, he isn't straight.

My very first thought. The fact he can’t stop thinking about this teenager’s love life involving men is very very weird.

Your DH has an unhealthy interest in the sexuality and relationship history of a 17 year old boy. Imagine your DD had gone away with another family and then told you the dad was frequently quizzing her about her sexuality/ past relationships... wouldn't you find that concerning? No adult should be talking like that to a child that isn't their own.

Homophobia / biphobia are still very much an issue sadly, as this young man is finding out 😢

Your husband sounds like a piece of shit and a bully.

No!!! He listens to Queen and George Michael so he can't be.

A lot of people think homophobia and biphobia is perfectly fine until it has an impact on their own family.

He’s a homophobic bully. I’d have read him the riot act. How dare he make a young lad feel uncomfortable and question his sexuality like that,

I’d personally apologise for his behaviour to him and I’d tell my husband I’d be doing it snd expect him to do the same,

Your DH is either homophobic or for some other reason has an unhealthy obsession with gay men

Neither if you could figure out why your DD was in a bad mood after that holiday? You brought along her boyfriend and then your DH basically bullied him whilst he was completely outnumbered. What a cock!

Another poster raised a good point. If my son came home and told me what had happened I’d ask if he really wants long term involvement (or even any further involvement) with your family. Why bother?

I have encouraged my kids to consider their dates family early on in relationships as it makes a huge difference to their long term happiness IF they stay together.

Your husband is a red beacon surrounded by red flags as he’s clearly a bully. I wouldn’t want my son to have a bully father in law or grandkids to have a bully grandfather. Now I know grandkids and moving in is a long way off but these early relationships are practice. My hope would be he would tell her it’s over, say her father is clearly opposed and it’s too much drama tbh, and move on and have fun with his friends.

He shouldn't be mean to the young lad, but by the sounds of it he is probably gay but still just trying to figure it out if he's only 17. I wouldn't have ever dated someone bisexual personally, I've had gay housemates and have close gay friends, they loved to hook up when they were younger, way way more than anyone straight I know, their risky behaviours around unsafe sex were also concerning back then too. One of my best friends at uni dated 2 bisexual men at uni at age 19/20, one was openly bisexual and other pretended he was straight but was obsessed with anal sex and loved tall skinny girls who didn't have boobs with short hair. Both are now openly gay, neither went on to marry women (we are early 40's now).

I imagine this relationship won't last anyway and given this lad is so young he probably hasn't had much sexual experience with either sex thankfully. I'm sure the bf will get bored and move on soon, if not him going to uni will probably end things anyway. Your husband just needs to keep quiet and wait for it to fizzle out.

I imagine your husband would probably be struggling and picking holes in the guy even if he was straight, he probably feels very uncomfortable your daughter having a bf and potentially having sex with him. Him being feminine is just an easy target for his jibes. He shouldn't be mean to him though, if he's not ok with your daughter having any bf, inviting one along on holiday probably wasnt the best idea.

I totally agree that the comments are rude and ott.

But your dd is a 16 year old child sharing abedroom and presumably having sex with a young man who is also not an adult in the same accommodation and in close proximity to her parents. It's a situation that possibly is quite challenging for him. I think it's weird that the bf is even on holiday with you in the first place so I'm not surprised the situation is producing a not very good outcome.

A 5 month relationship and you have taken him away with you? That seems rather soon to be doing that....did they have separate beds?
I wouldn't be comfortable with that and I also have a 16 year old daughter getting her exam results today. She meets her boyfriend for dates, ie the cinema and he comes for tea sometimes, but thats the extent of it at 16 and under my roof.

He will push her towards him. My friends parents hated her boyfriend - they stayed together 15 years! He was a twat. But they pushed them together, ‘us against the world’, ‘ only he understands me’ etc etc.

She admits it now as an adult.

Is your husband usually homophobic or is this new behaviour? The theatre kid comments are odd - I know loads of theatre lads and male dancers - most are popular with girls - the dancers are very physically fit and they are confident and outgoing. Dedicated. What’s not to like?

Id be concerned your husband is actually gay and this boy has triggered somethng. It’s bullying - was he the type who bullied at school? Has he bullied others in front of you?

Your husband sounds a vile bully or a closet gay and is getting shirty over it. It will be your poor daughter’s fault if the lad dumps her, if someone treated my son like that I’d be actively encouraging him to finish things with her.

Your husband is a homophobic bully. Your op sounds like you aren’t sure why your daughter is upset - surely you can see it’s likely caused by how your husband treated her boyfriend?

I don’t think you should rave invited a boyfriend if just 3/4 months to join you on a holiday anyway, but certainly not when you knew your husband hates him! You set that poor boy up to be bullied all week and you did nothing to stop it or protect him. I can’t help but wonder if you actually hold the same views, but don’t voice them as you know how unacceptable and wrong it is. I cannot understand why else you would have put him in that position, or why the hell you didn’t call your husband out every single time.

You owe your daughter and her boyfriend an apology as much as your husband does.

I think this was a problematic setup from the beginning. They’ve not been together long and you brought him on holiday and they shared a room? You knew your husband would be like this and you didn’t either set serious boundaries to protect a child in your care or be honest with the boyfriend so he could decide if he’d come. The whole setup sounds like a bad idea.

Your husband is homophobic. You must have known that. Bullying a child about their sexuality is gross. That generation is fluid and experimental - every generation has gotten a little more free, so that’s totally expected. They need to be different from their parents! The only thing I’d be sure about is that my daughter is protecting herself - like she should in any sexual relationship. Making sure your daughter and any partner are getting tested regularly if not monogamous and using protection is just common sense and something I’d make sure to talk to her about regardless of who she’s with.

I know it’s easy for me to say leave and much harder for you to dismantle your life but I couldn’t be around this. The nonsense about hair, the homophobia, the willingness to bully a child… it’s gross. I think at some point you’re going to end up having to choose between your husband and your daughter and I hope your daughter is still around when that day comes. It’s terribly sad but I’d protect my kids first, every time.

I would be asking him what the fuck was wrong with him, acting like a school boy bully?

Hope DD gets good results, OP.