To be annoyed at DH’s comments to DD’s BF?

He is awful but why on earth did you allow it.

@AndImVictoriaMalcolm yes the focus on theatre kids is completely misplaced, and offensive. Whilst the stereotype is that male theatre kids are gay, that's not true in practice. There are many famously heterosexual famous male actors who studied performing arts as teenagers.

And yeah as I was saying above, I think also asking a heterosexual teenager about their past partners when you are an adult who doesn't know them very well, and it's not relevant to their wellbeing, is just inappropriate. At its worst, it's a potential safeguarding red flag.

In this case, given that the OP's DH is obviously male as is the teen boy, and the boy is openly bisexual, it could in a worst case scenario (which this isn't) look like potential grooming. And that is aside from the DH's homophobia.

Absolutely. My daughter is a lesbian, came out to us when she was 12 now a young adult and never wavered from that. I’d be very angry and disturbed if someone she was dating took her home to meet their parents and they started questioning her about her sex life, saying hateful offensive things to her and upsetting her like that. I’d ideally want her to get the fuck out of that mess. Actually thinking about it, the same applies if she was straight and the parents of whoever she’s dating behaved this way.

The OP arguing with her dickhead husband about whether theatre kids are more likely to be gay or straight irks me because it’s not what I would be focusing on. No, I’d be too busy to think about that because I’d be so angry about the homophobia and creepy inappropriate comments to the 17 year old child in a blatant attempt to humiliate him. I hope the daughter has other people she can go to with her problems as after this display there’s a good chance she won’t bother talking to her friends parents.

Another poster raised a good point. If my son came home and told me what had happened I’d ask if he really wants long term involvement (or even any further involvement) with your family.

@Treesandflower I think that was me, I said if I was the boy's mother and found out about this going on whilst my minor son was under another's family care I'd be furious.

My own 17 year old son is gay - unequivocally, never been interested in girls. We have discussed the attitude of actual or potential boyfriend's parents towards their son being gay or bisexual, because it is relevant at this age and has had an indirect affect on DS. I certainly wouldn't want him getting into a potential long term relationship with someone whose parents weren't cool with it, and whilst that is ultimately up to DS, he is aware of this as a red flag and wouldn't want that either.

The OP's daughter's boyfriend's sexuality aside, I would be very unhappy about another parent - who wasn't a relative or close friend of my family - asking either of my teenage or early 20s children about their sexuality or past dating history, regardless of whether the child is gay or heterosexual. I certainly wouldn't ask questions like that of my children's partners, and DH absolutely wouldn't. It's inappropriate, regardless whether it's also homophobic not.

Your DH sounds like a dad from the 70s.

Judging by some of the not at all subtle homophobia/biphobia on this thread the OP’s husband should set up his own account on Mumsnet as he’d feel right at home.

I don’t get why some people think this is just a dad who doesn’t want his daughter getting hurt. She’s just as likely to have her heart broken by a heterosexual boy as she is by a bisexual boy. Everyone does at some point anyway.

I started seeing someone when I was 16 and had told my parents about him but hadn’t introduced yet. One day my dad was picking me up from school and I was walking to the carpark with a friend who was not the guy I was seeing. When I got in the car my dad said to be ‘your not dating that curly hair freak are you, you are way to good for him’. Honestly 31 now and still not over that he could speak about anyone like that, he’s apologised lots over the years but I just seen such a hateful side to him.
Whether your DD breaks up with this guys tomorrow or they are together forever she’ll never forget this and it’ll tarnish their relationship. I hope he’s ok with that. Also telling pulling him up on it isn’t telling him it’s ok for guys to like the theatre. If my husband dared say anything like that to a guest of ours he wouldn’t be staying on the holiday.

Might be worth pointing out to DH that now she's seen his true colours if she has any issues she is highly unlikely to come to him. He's now just broken his DD's trust in him to be there for her if the relationship fails.

You've disagreed with him - I would be telling him that his comments and behaviour are unacceptable, to me, to our daughter and to her boyfriend, so he needs to stop. You need to be absolutely clear.

He’s not gay though, he’s bisexual?

Well bisexual men also love vulvas, and I assume that poster had one

It's not something I'd do but the OP and her DH did choose to do so. By doing so they implicitly approved of the relationship, and put the boy (and presumably his parents) in a position where he thought he could trust them to treat him well. They then abused this power, obviously more so the DH.

Quite. I have teens both in relationships and I will not be taking anyone on holiday until they’re all much older.

Yes it seems that may be the case. Certainly @SunsetDrifter made that point, whilst telling us that she wouldn't date someone bisexual and speculating that the OP's daughter's BF is probably gay and likely to be promiscuous ...

To me, it seems that Ponoka is implying that bisexual men are incapable of having/enjoying PIV intercourse? Very odd.

I imagine the lovely boyfriend will dump your daughter at some point due to your partners behaviour. He can’t be expected to simply tolerate being abused.

I wonder what he’s telling his own parents about what’s happening to him at his girlfriend’s house.

Your partner sounds like simply a horrible and unkind person.

You can do better OP. And you can do better for your daughter.

Would he rather his sixteen year old daughter was going out with a massive bloke with a skinhead who would punch him in the face for insulting him and his girlfriend?

Two 16 year old boys are going to be bang at it and it isn't the type of sex a 16 year old girl should be starting with. - @Ponoka7

What 'type of sex' shouldn't a 16 year old girl be starting with?

And how do you know the OP's 16 year girl didn't "start" sex with someone else before this boyfriend?

Agreed, and I can confirm that this applies for teenage gay young men as well as for adult gay men.

Have you actually spoken to him and told him to stop?

He's an absolute idiot. Anyone can leave a relationship for anyone else - why does he think this is confined to bisexual relationships? How odd.

Regardless of homophobia he's downright rude. Who invites a guest on a holiday and then interrogates and insults them! It amounts to bullying. He can have his views on homosexuality or what makes a man, regardless of what anyone else thinks. But he can keep them to himself and show he knows how to behave in a civilised manner by being polite. He owes everyone a big apology for being such a rude, obnoxious bully. If he can't behave in a socially acceptable manner he should remove himself. I'd just arrange to meet with your dd and her bf without him for a nice meal to show your support, and make it clear he won't be included in any future meet ups due to his outrageous behaviour on the holiday.

I am amazed how lightly some of the PPs treat your husband’s behaviour. It’s not “unreasonable” - it’s deeply dark and relationship-endingly unpleasant.

He’s systematically bullied, belittled and humiliated a child in your care.

He's shown himself to be a bigot unable to separate and control his own feelings.

You have been complicit in failing to stop this behaviour.

What is your question in all this? Whether you were in the wrong? Yes. Whether your husband was in the wrong? Yes.

You need to have a serious word with your husband and work out a plan in advance for what you're going to do the next time he behaves like that. E.g. you could agree with him something you're going to say to remind him what he is saying is unacceptable, or decide you're going to be explicit "John, that's really not okay, stop talking like that." There's a real risk your daughter will be thoroughly alienated by your husband's behaviour and you don't want her opinions of you to be coloured by his behaviour.

Agree with this.

Speak to your DH privately, tell him all comments must stop immediately and then if he does it again pull him up. No discussion. No explanation.

Those poor kids on a safe family holiday have it spoiled by a bully.