DP has changed his mind about wanting kids.

I left my ex who I loved very much (still good friends, actually, and he never did have kids) at the same age as you. I met my children’s father at 34, had my first child at 36 and second at 38. It’s certainly not too late for you.

However, what I would have done differently is to take seriously the impact leaving someone I loved would have. I struggled to get over him and didn’t really deal with my feelings. Rushed into dating because I felt I was “running out of time”. Had a series of semi-disasterous relationships and when my ex came along promising me the world, I rushed into it without due diligence.

He turned out to be an abusive asshole and a disengaged father and I left him a few years ago. However as much as I can’t stand him, my children are the lights of my life and I love being a mum so much. So I can’t regret the relationship.

So if you decide to leave (and I think you should), be serious about your healing, and be serious about dating and finding a good father. Take time to grieve, get counseling, don’t drink the feelings into submission, get yourself into a good psychological state before you begin dating, and when you do, don’t be casual about it; approach it with clear intention to find a man who wants kids and talks enthusiastically and in detail about that life, not surface talk like names and family holidays and who they might look like.

I wish you the very best.

Pay no attention, that whole post was ridiculous

This.

Yeah, not really. You do you though. And I am entitled to my opinion. You are entitled to disagree. You are not entitled to say my opinion is rubbish. It's not. I am not wrong. An opinion cannot be wrong.

.

If you want children you have to end the relationship. He already has two. At least he has told you know while you are still young.
Don't stay with him thinking he will change his mind. He isn't the right person for you to have children with

@Glitchymn1 Only around 4% to 8% of frozen human eggs will result in a baby...

He isn't "on the fence". He's said no. Don't stay. He's going to waste the rest of your childbearing years.

You might not think you're young, but believe me, you really are! I'm guessing the impending 30 isn't making you feel any better but you do have plenty of time! That said, you need to leave enough time to end this relationship respectfully, meet someone else, then decide they'd make a good father.

I only had one child, and met my second partner too late to have any with him, sadly (fibroids put paid to that) but I'm so grateful for the one I have. If that's what you want, this man is not for you.

It’s so easy for people to say dump him, block him etc.
but you love him
and you’re heartbroken.
Once you’ve accepted the situation you’ll know what you need to do.
but please don’t let him gaslight you.

Oh what rubbish.

Going against the grain with the 'only 29' comment. The OP is not exactly young when it comes to finding a new man, maybe getting married, and then eventually having kids... Starting over at nearly 30 is going to leave her not having children possibly by her mid 30s and her fertility waning fast.

If she dumps this man, then she could take several years to find someone else, and who's to say he won't change his mind about having children (if he does even want them!)

I would be furious @stepparenthelp but I do find your attitude towards his children a bit cold. You are clearly not suited, and this relationship is not going anywhere good anytime soon IMO. You sound very resentful and angry. Maybe with good reason, but I can't see you both lasting much longer. It stinks what he has done though.

There's really no advice anyone can give you, but YANBU to be very angry. The best of your childbearing years are pretty much 80% gone.

He’s punching, he knows he is, you know he is. You are still young, you have a good income- freeze some days if need be.
I had my first child at 39, DM at 36, multiple work colleagues at 35 - 43 ish.
You could try an ultimatum, but honestly he doesn’t sound too honest or reliable or hands on with the kids he has. He wants a nanny by the sounds of it, almost prove you can look after my kids and I’ll think about it. He’s been cruel. It’s a massive decision, he should never have agreed to kids- it’s not like he doesn’t know what it entails.

I couldn’t imagine how my life would be without my children so I think absolutely following your dreams is the right thing to do.
maybe being honest with him and saying you don’t see a future without children therefore the right thing for you is to move on as painful as it is.

Everything you said is reasonable.

@stepparenthelp it’s hard raising children so I can understand why he wouldn’t want to start over when he has two already and they’ll both be 18+ by the time he’s 51. He can probably see the light at the end of the tunnel already. He is getting older, so it’s tiring too, if he has a child with you he’ll be parenting a minor until he’s 60, it’s just not appealing.

You’re young, and have only been together 24 months, that’s not very long at all. Go find someone closer to your own age with the same wants as you.

I think when he is talking finances he is more thinking of having to pay more maintenance if you split and possibly doing more solo parenting with another child which he apparently can’t be arsed doing now with the two he has presumably part time.
He is thinking of himself not as a family unit.

Blessing in disguise, dump, you will avoid the big age gap, and being a step-parent. You are young enough to start again even if painful in the short term.

Even besides you wanting your own child... I'd fuck him off for what he said to you about stepping up more and doing the homework.
I don't comment often, but do the right thing and leave.

Excellent advice

I met my husband when I was 34 (he was 44 and already had 2 DC), had our DD when I was 36 and our DS when I was 40. You have plenty of time to find someone who deserves you…

How can you never argue and yet have been told to parent his children...you didn't react to that absolute cheek??

He's a future maker OP...don't build anything with this one

Little different because he didn’t already have kids, but I lost my 20s to a “Peter Pan” type. He didn’t treat me badly and we had a great time so it was very hard to leave. Throw a severe long term health condition into the mix and I was 100% sure I’d be alone forever. My kids were born when I was 33 and 37. I’m not a step parent and I am the same age as most other moms where I live, really love my husband, no regrets! As above look up sunk cost fallacy ^^

30 is a good age to meet your partner.

Most of my friends met their husbands around that age, as did I.

We don't have children (our choice) but friends do.

It doesn't seem like it now but you have plenty of time. But the main thing to do is cut loose from the dead weight to give yourself the freedom to find the one for you.

Yes. At 39. All my friends from my antenatal group are over 40 with babies under one, except one who is mid-thirties. Three of them are closer to 45. It’s very common.

What I will say is that it’s also really common at every age to think it’s ’too late’. At 29, you naturally think this because you’re no longer, say, 25. At 35, you will look back at 29 and think you had all the time in the world. While waiting until late thirties to have a baby does reduce your chances somewhat, the significant majority of women are still pregnant within a year of starting to try. Twenty-nine is still very young in terms of meeting a new partner and having babies.

Another way of looking at it is that he doesn’t want children, so if you stay with him, you definitely won’t have them (not the traditional way, anyway!) , but if you leave you’re giving yourself the chance of the life you want.

Look up ‘sunk cost fallacy’ - the fallacy that because you’ve invested a certain amount (in this case time) you lose too much by leaving.