DP has changed his mind about wanting kids.

I broke up with someone aged 29 and I know it feels like you’re on the shelf and your biological clock is ticking away, but this man sounds really red flaggy on two counts now - first demanding that you do more with his own kids and then denying you your own! The cheek of the guy! I’m not sure he’s the person you think he is - you’ve only known him 2 years after all. I met someone aged 31 and had a kid at almost 39 and he was 49! So ur DP’s excuse is lame. I’m so sorry this bombshell has been dropped on you. Please tell him exactly how you feel about this and emphasise all that he said before about having kids with you.

Help do their homework - wtf 😳

he cba with his kids he has now

nanny with a fanny comes to mind

sorry @stepparenthelp but be glad he’s told you now

you are young. 29. You will find someone who wants to be a dad to your baby you plan together

He's blackmailing you over his own children to get you to look after them before you can have your own. This is no the makings of a good life partner. Sorry.

We met when both aged 30, married 3 years later and had two DC at 34 and 36. At 29 I thought I would never find the right person, but you just need a bit of luck and make sure you take an opportunity when it arises. So don’t give up hope, far from it.

(Still going strong 30 years later by the way.)

I can see why you are upset and dissapointed but I don’t think he’s done anything wrong other than whinging at you about not playing with his kids. He might well have been completely genuine when he said he wanted kids with you but no that he’s thought it through realised he doesn’t. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind.
It’s only a 2 year relationship and you don’t live together.

One of my kids split with their partner because one wanted kids and the other didn’t. They got on brilliantly and loved each other a lot but you can’t bring a child into a relationship where one person doesn’t want kids.

You have done nothing wrong. But do not waste a single day more on this man

I didn't mean it to hurt you, but to wake you up. You deserve better. You sound like a very caring and hard working woman.

Don't waste your time on men that 1) don't deserve you and 2) don't give you what you need.

You've said he isn't sure and is on the fence. That doesn't sound like he's totally decided. I definitely wouldn't commit any further to him, don't move in together and don't marry him. Simply tell him the relationship is over as you want kids and will have them with or without him.

My husband will be 41 when our second child is born. He's also feeling a bit old for the baby years again (he wanted 40 to be the cut off ideally) so unless a baby was to come along very soon I'd imagine your partner will choose he doesn't want more children.

I'd be bloody angry if a man conned me into thinking we'd be having family together and then said no, it wasn't happening - but he expected me to help him bring up the children he already had. It's a huge slap in the face.

If it helps I started ttc at 34 - fertility issues meant 1st at 37 (IUI) and now expecting 2nd at 40 (IVF).

The fertility issues were not in any way connected to age. We didn't know about them in advance but are genetic. It would not have mattered when we tried.

You've done nothing wrong. Being genuine and seeing the good in someone isn't something to be ashamed of. Believing a person who's supposed to love you is normal.

Wishing you strength to get through this.

I've only read the first page so far (sorry, I will read everyone else's comments), so apologies if someone has said this: if you stay with him and give up on children, that's it for the rest of your life - he always has his children, you don't - your own children are yours forever, but a relationship can end at any time. If you want children, you need to prioritize that, not the man.

This is what I thought came across as cold...

A few months ago, DP sat me down and said that he didn’t feel I was involved enough with his children and that rather than relaxing in the living room when they are here I should make more of an effort to sit with them and do things like their homework. So now this feels like a huge slap across the face - ‘help me raise my kids, but none for you.’

I do not want to waste my childbearing years looking after the children he had with someone else when I don’t have my own.

You sounded resentful of his children (to me.) You are wasting your childbearing years looking after HIS children. Sounded cold to me

And you said yourself that you were worried about the best of your childbearing years going on him.... Why so angry about my post when I mentioned it? I can see you are really hurting so I will let it go that you are attacking me.

My cousins both did.

Cousin 1 married her dh when she was 36, he was 43 I think. Baby when she was 38.

Cousin 2 was 34, her husband a couple of years younger, she got pregnant immediately and has just had baby 2 age 37

Leave him. You’re only 29. Find someone else with no kids and no complications. And who values you enough to care about things that are hugely important to you, like being a mother. He’s already a father of two, wildly unfair to rob you of parenthood while he basks in it. Fucker.

You've had loads of great advice, @stepparenthelp, and in your posts you are already sounding stronger.

I was struck by you saying you never argue with your boyfriend - lack of argument is often because one party is compliant with the wishes of the other. I wonder if this is you.

I hope you leave this entitled man and find a better one.

I really feel for you, I can imagine how heartbreaking this is for you.
But you know what you have to do.
Luckily for you, you are only 29 despite not feeling young enough to start over.

I had my first child at 25, I’d been in a relationship for 3 years. He left me when she was 7 months old.
I was then a single Mum for 6 years.
I then decided I’d like a little “fling” at 31, found someone younger than me, it was perfect, nothing serious.
I’ve just turned 34 and our second child together (my third) is due next month.

My boss had her first at 43, healthy little girl.
Most of the women in my September 2026 baby group are over the age of 39 having their first.

You won’t feel like it right now but you are young enough to leave this relationship, heal, spend some time enjoying life, find someone and start your family with absolutely no issues or pressure.

Omg. Totally unnecessary.!!!

The average age to have children in London is 32.5 - so bearing in mind there are many people much above that average age.
You really do have plenty of time. Have faith that what’s for you won’t go by you.

Your income is irrelevant, OP. He sees you as a nanny with a fanny. Question is, are you happy to keep being that?

That he had to sit you down and ask you to engage with them rather than relaxing in the living room.

I got pregnant with my first at 35, despite being told 2 months before I wouldn’t be able to conceive due to some (non gynae) health issues. I now have a happy, healthy baby, and was on mat leave at the same time as a whole host of my school and uni friends too - all similar ages!

One thing I would say is if you have a child with someone who is not 100% up for it, you’ll likely end up doing a LOT more of the work / childcare. And also, more likely to cause an issue with DP if the existing children struggle to cope with a new baby too.

It might be worth considering freezing your eggs if finances would allow, some of my friends did this after going through break ups in their 30s - it took the pressure off meeting someone new and they felt like it bought some more time xxx

I can understand you grieving for the lie he told you about your future together .

But imo you should be celebrating escaping the life he really wanted for you. Mother to his children, working, paying and increasingly taking over his responsibilities for his children,and probably eventually their children while being told you can’t have your own.