DP has changed his mind about wanting kids.

It boils down to him wanting you to do more, so that he can do less.

You taking some time for yourself means him having to entertain them on his own.

I think it's worth talking to him more about this change of heart and what has prompted it. If he means it and it's not a wobble, unfortunately, you owe it to yourself to leave him and try to meet someone with the same goals. This will be difficult if you love him, but imagine how you will feel being expected to be a stepmum as his kids become teens and grow up, and you don't have your own. That feeling will not go away.

I met DH when I was 30 - I hadn't even had a long term boyf at that stage and had no idea if I would ever meet a life partner to have a family with. So I remember feeling like I should be 'sorted' by 30 but I very much wasn't, and neither were many of my friends. We had dc when I was 35 and 37, no problems with conception - we were very lucky.

you cannot ride two horses at once, as you've only got one arse

😂😂😂

I met my husband at 35, first kiddo 36 and 8 weeks off my 2nd at 37. You have so much time.

Have you told him ‘ that’s nice for you you’re happy with the family you have as long as I do more parenting, but I won’t be there as I want children of my own, and I don’t like men faking me into support roles for their life. I did more than enough looking after your children and you know it. Thank you for the good times but best we don’t see each other again.

I was 40, didn't meet him until 37. So you have time. And you know, even if you didn't, you're better off without him. Because he lied to you.

Break it off and go no contact. 💯

I too was previously in a relationship with a man with young kids. It was messy and it didn't work out - which was a blessing in disguise. I built myself up by getting decent food, exercising and pursuing hobbies to cope with the relationship ending, and also no contact helped massively. 💪

I met my husband through online dating! Turns out he was a local fella and I knew a load of his social circle, but we'd never crossed paths. We were both childless, which is a rarity. 🤔

I met my hubby online at 33 💃
Engaged at 34 💍
Married at 35 👰‍♀
Gave birth at 36 👶
And the rest is history!
Been together 10 years this autumn!

Age 29 is still very young 💕
Please don't waste your time on this man.
You deserve better and your moment will happen, but you cannot meet your person if you're with this dead weight of a man around your neck 😟
An old saying of my pals is, "you cannot ride two horses at once, as you've only got one arse!" crude but true! 🐎 😆

Get rid and go no contact
🫂
@stepparenthelp

I haven’t, no, not until they’re in bed. I have similar age kids to your DP and there just isn’t time. Not saying you shouldn’t or you were wrong in that situation though.

Not knocking you. Was just answering your question.

And yes I do chill out with a book occasionally when the kids are around. My H has never had to pull me up on helping with homework, engaging with them etc.. I do it naturally because they are my kids.

I’d be more like you if they were my SC. I’d definitely leave the heavy lifting to their bio parent. He obviously doesn’t like that though as he clearly pointed this out when he sat you down for the discussion- he wants a hands-on step mum for his kids, to share the parenting burden. Bloody cheek of him.

No one attacked you. Your post was nonsense and unhelpful. OP's post will have been deleted because of the t word .

It’s totally normal to not be in the same room as kids and having a bit of me time. Especially at those ages. Ur DP is defo asking too much. And that he sat you down and has a talk just sounds soooo patronising.

just another thing to add - my DH is 10 years older than me and he really really does feel the tiredness of parenting a primary aged kid in his early 50s. He is a fantastic dad and super involved (apart from organising any childcare!) but he plays loads, is building him a playground and has a great relationship with our son. So the next man you select, make him more your own age to avoid tiredness, but mainly you’re looking for someone who you think will make a very good dad. And also husband obvs… but honestly it’s the being a good dad thing that’s worth its weight in gold!

Can you ask him what this is about? Could it be a temporary setback like a work issue perhaps that has affected his outlook, possibly not reflecting his state of mind as it was a few weeks ago. You need to ask him why the change of heart, and make your decision about your own future from that. Good luck OP.🍀

Sounds to me that he wants you to
look after his current kids and that’s it

if I wanted kids like you do it’s a deal breaker. You are not going to come back from this. He has said he doesn’t want any more. So even if he changes his mind it will be thrown in your face in arguments and you will always know he didn’t really want the child

time to leave if you want kids

She attacked me in her post that was deleted.

And I am saying nothing else on this thread now. I can see the OP is very raw and upset, and I just gave my opinion which clearly upset her. I am confused as to why she was so upset and angry as she had already mentioned worrying about spending all her childbearing years with a man who doesn't want children with her. and I just said 'I can understand why you're worried, as you are nearly 30 now.' I have no wish to upset the OP further, and I wish you well @stepparenthelp and am sorry for your predicament, and sorry if what I said upset you. I meant no harm, and maybe worded my post badly...

I am done here now though.

Anyway, I'm done here now..

.

Sorry I accidentally pressed the wrong poll, meant to select your being reasonable.
Him not wanting children is an absolute deal breaker. You don't want to stay with him hoping he'll change his mind and then when he doesn't resent him, as upsetting as it will be to split now it saves bigger heartbreak later on.

My ex of 12 years split up with me when I was about to turn 30 as we couldn't agree about marriage. I was devastated and also spent a lot of time worrying I wouldn't meet someone in time to biologically have children.
I met someone at 33 and had my child at 35. We aren't together anymore but I don't regret that relationship, I'm glad I have my son. I'm now early 40's and single and the dating pool is smaller.

At 29 you still have plenty of time to meet someone and have children.

This is enough of a reason to walk away. You havnt even moved in yet and he is already expecting above and beyond from you for his children. There have been a few simular threads on here from women who's partners expect them to be the 100% parent to their child. Some saying they are expected to not do anything for themselves (such as go off alone to meet family or friends) while the children are over. They expect too much as they cant cope being the main parent for any amount of time.

Then there is the future faking issue. Yes you will be upset leaving and grieve this relationship and what you thought it would lead to. This will take you a few months to get over. Giving up children of your own for this man is something you would grieve a lifetime for.

Putting up with his shit watching your every move around his kids is also something that would make you increasingly miserable, this would only get worse if you lived together

You don’t need a partner to have a baby. And you certainly don't need to be engaged or married. Having a partner would be easier with the workload and financially of course, just depends how long you are willing to wait. A friend in her mid 30s conceived with her bf or only a few months. It happens. I really hope you get your baby

Even if he changes his mind and you have kids it might not work out well. He may resent you in a few years for being back in it or be getting grief about treating all three of his children equally etc. There are so many posts on here about kids from the first family feeling left out or resenting the kids from the second family getting more than they did/do which may be due to the step mum having a god income but they don’t understand these things.

If I had a partner who wasn't getting involved with my DC it would have me thinking having a child with them is either going to be me doing all the work or the new child being treated differently to my children. The latter is understandable and very likely which is why I don't think I ever would consider having a child with someone else if DH and I separated. If you are leaving this relationship I think it's best you look for someone who doesn't have any children.

I had two children 15 months apart at 39 and almost 41. DH was 44 and 45.
We've had no problems with being older parents and are now 70 and 75. We are close to our DC and are both well and active. Good luck.

You sound really lovely. Furious for you but at least you got the truth before you moved in together...Delighted you ve had such good advice above.. wishing you the best
Xxxx

Where's the resentment towards the children in that? She's remarking on the situation that faces her when what she anticipated and thought agreed, and central to her relationship was suddenly snatched away?

The OP's post asks a question, not angry at all.

She has not attacked you in any way. She asked you to explain what you meant by cold.

Do not settle with this man. He wants you to raise his kids instead of have your own. As someone who had my first baby six months ago - there is nothing like it. The love is just totally overwhelming. Every day is better than the last. You deserve to feel this way too. I would happily do it alone next time, even without a partner.

Hi OP, I was single at 30, met my partner when I was 31, had our daughter I was still 34 and our son followed 18 months later when I was 35. It all worked out fine. Loads of mums older than me at the baby classes. Many women have kids in their late 30s and early 40s now. At 29, trust me you have loads of time still. The right man is out there, and when you find him you will know. He won’t make you cry and you might not want to wait 2 years, I think a year is acceptable if you are both really sure and want kids.

I feel so annoyed for you OP.
He’s lied to you to lure you in. He’s a liar, about something he knows is so important to you. Who wants to be with someone who you can’t trust a word they say.
On top of that the criticism of the way you are neglecting his kids is deplorable.
He probably just wants a break from homework so thought he would guilt you into that along with all the other lovely ways you help care for them.
He’s not a good man.