AIBU to refuse regular Sunday evening childcare for my daughter?

and if they said they couldn’t do it I would of course do so.

He volunteers to do it.

He volunteers to do it because he doesn't want to see you struggle or have to pay for a service he is perfectly able to provide.. they are never going to say they can't/won't do it because it would put you at a disadvantage.. they also take you to appointments, and help you in other ways, you also have a active social life with them, which sounds mutually enjoyable.

They sound like thoroughly decent people and I would absolutely be doing this for them. They are prepared to do all the hard work of bath and bed, all you've got to do is be there!

So what if the eldest doesn't go to sleep until they get home at 9/9:30? it's not the end of the world!

Read the OP's update.

It sounds like your daughter and son in law do a lot more for you than you do for them. And they are the ones with 3 small children. It’s a shame that you don’t seem to want to help your family more especially when you live so close. Your daughter is asking for just 4 hours a month (and maybe less during winter if tennis is off then) - from what you’ve said they do more than that for you.

What did your Dd say when you said no?

You can say no but also be prepared for the lifts back and fourth and grass cutting to be reduced if they are that kind of people.

YANBU.

This isn’t for work , this is for leisure time. It makes me sad when I read on here about how grandparents are expected to give up their time to care for grandchildren. You have bought your own children up, this is your time.

I am 40 and like to be in bed by 9/930 on work nights - If I’m not I am crabby the next day. There is no way I would commit to being up until 10pm on a Sunday evening ( realistically by the time they get home and drop you home that would be the earliest time you would be getting into bed ) .

It doesn't sound that bad. Can you not offer to do a night when you don't have work the next day.

Your mother knows you better than any of us and if she thinks you should help then maybe you should.
They do a lot for you seeing as you are only my age and your needs will only become more the older you get.
I think you should get out of your comfort zone and give it a go at least.

I'd already read all her posts, what do you think I'm missing?

She said she'd give it a go. Not convincingly it has to be said.

Could you sleep over at theirs so you don’t have to wait for them to get back before you go back to yours?

I have health issues, work full-time with 8am start every day so get up 5.30am so dog can be walked before work etc, love an early night but would do this for my DGC's if it was only every other week.

I think you are being a bit mean to say no especially as it's only for a couple of hours while they attend a sporting activity, it's not like they're out on the lash.

Really? It’s not a big ask at all. It’s keeping an eye on her grandchildren who will be ready for bed and hopefully in bed for 2 hours every weeks

Could you say no to this on the grounds of it being before a work night, but offer another slot?
I have to say, while it seems like a small thing, three under 4 when you're not in good health is bigger than it sounds.
Incidently, I take my hat off to you for the sleepovers you do. I'm younger than you and in the best of health and DGC are older, but the overnights leave me like a worn out rag.
You sound like you're doing great, so don't feel guilty if this one thing doesn't feel doable.

I was going to say fair enough but then I read the bit about cutting grass and driving to appointments. I think it’s a bit selfish to take that from them and not give. Perhaps best to say you’ll get a gardener and pay for taxis.

You can do this OP

All I can say is if any of the kids were like my daughter at that age, I'd feel unbelievably indebted to the poor babysitter. For a game of tennis? Er noooo. I'm not using up babysitter capacity that way.

Do people really have 2 year old twins and a 4 year old who just "go to sleep"? Lucky, lucky them

But perhaps the daughter is a SAHM so the tennis is more important than e.g. covering illness or an INSET day.

YANBU. I wouldn't do it. You'll still have to get home, so maybe around 9:45pm, then you'll need to wind down... so you'll be in bed much later than usual.

Your mother can do if it she's so bothered!

You don't have to do anything you don't want but your reasons for not doing it are really quite feeble. It's not that frequent, they live minutes away and it's only for a short amount of time while they play tennis.

If that's the case it'd be better not to be beholden.

Something the OP hasn't said I don't think is if she's caring for her mum.

Another one here to say I think you're unfair to at least not give this a try. You're anticipating the worst and it may be, especially if the other gran is doing it on alternate Sundays, going to be just routine for the children. I think your insistence that your bedtime is 9pm is a bit stringent, even if you have an early start on Monday. You're an adult and you also don't have a long commute to your place of employment. I'm sure you'll cope.

I know my mum would do this for me and so would PIL. It's a couple of hours once a fortnight. You start work at 8am it's a ten minute walk from your house, you could get up at 7 and still have plenty of time to get ready. If you do the Sundays you'd still be in bed by 10pm that's 9 hours sleep. They sound like they go out of their way to help you to make your life easier not because they have to but because that's how they see family, it's nice and they must be very busy with work and 3 young children. It's up to you if that's the relationship you want or not

It sounded quite balanced to me. They cut grass and drive to hospital now and then (from a rural area; person of limited mobility if they could).

OP babysits on some Fridays, Saturdays and ad hoc.

Has a mum in her 80s ish.

God the lack of empathy on this post for the Op is staggering - not all 62 year olds are fit and healthy! Some of the comments are just stupid - I hope none of you find yourselves in this position in the future because then you should be embarrassed😕