AIBU to refuse regular Sunday evening childcare for my daughter?

That’s a very depressing view.

If bedtime doesn't go according to plan it's on the parents and they'll be the ones dealing with the tiredness etc. Also the kids would get used to grandma babysitting every Sunday night. I personally would give it a go. When I used to babysit my cousins with my nan we'd both be dozing on the sofa when the parents got back

I think most people would give up 5 hours a month for their daughter to do something that benefits her physical and mental health and probably their relationship too. I'm sorry you don't have that support, but it really isn't extreme.

No this is a weird take. Asking OP to do 2 evenings a month of 2 hours doesn’t sound like too much.
Her daughter asked and OP has said no, so I guess now the daughter knows where she stands and how much her mother is prepared to put herself out to help, and it’s precisely 6 times a year.
In normal families everyone helps eachother, the idea that you just commit to never doing anything as a couple ever because you have children isn’t a common held view.

I’m on your side OP as you have work the next day which makes a Sunday evening difficult and is a time when we gather ourselves for the week. That’s the issue. Would a man be expected to do this? I suspect not and also suspect many of those volunteering your time don’t work themselves. They do help you out so you may need to weigh that up to make sure it’s balanced. They may help you out thinking they will get some childcare in return so it’s not that altruistic.

Yes, because it's leaving the house, knowing all day you've got to head out. Not putting on your PJ's on a cold evening or getting ready to watch a movie before bed, thinking about work the next day etc. I've 2 kids and I wouldn't ask the grandparents to do this. My husband and I rarely have date nights. We would only ask the grandparents to help if it was a special occasion, like birthdays or our anniversary . They do a couple of school pick ups a week as they are both retired and live across the road from the primary school which I am very grateful for and my husband who works from home does the rest. It would be different if the OP was retired and had lots of free time.

You are actually outrageous.

Please don’t pretend “your SIL volunteers” for cutting the grass and doesn’t mind. He has x3 kids under 4, it’s the last thing he wants to do for half a day.

You are very selfish.

Am I the only one who thinks you don’t get to do a weekly couples activity unless you pay for childcare? Too much even split between 2 grandmothers. Nothing to do with sleep, when you choose to have kids you don’t have time for hobbies together

Ah but he has two 2 year olds and a 4 year old!

Come on, have you never come across men doing DIY and gardening to avoid childcare?

Once every other month is a lot of childcare? It’s 6 times a year!

Jeez. It’s such a short period of time every other week. Give it a go (with good grace). Not making them feel you are doing them some huge favour.

How good for your daughter and SIL that they want to do something healthy together as a couple & have family nearby.

Is there another reason for you not helping ? You didn’t have two together so don’t have the experience of caring for multiple children close in age . If it’s lack of confidence as you state to get the bedtime routine right then tell your Dd so she knows and maybe you’ll see she’s ok with flexibility while you are there , to get anxious that they are not in bed for a certain time is the parents responsibility not yours . I’m just wondering if there isn’t some resentment about how “easy “ it seems for your Dd . My mum wouldn’t help out when I had my two children unless she wanted to and it was on her own terms , she missed out a lot because of it . As the years passed I realised she resented how close my husband and I were and did seem to want me to struggle so I would have to same experience of parenting that she had .

I find older people don’t seem to like any change to their routine, which is a shame as it sounds like you’d still get plenty of sleep. Still a good few hours more than I can manage.

I think you already do a lot of childcare but my measuring stick is no family help ever, so to me it seems like this there’s a lot of help from both sides.

I can’t help but think their desire to join a social tennis evening and asking for coverage for that, is taking advantage.

I would give it a go and if the children get too much for you or you become too knackered on the Monday, tell them it’s too much for you. It sounds like they do an awful lot to help you so I agree with your mum, it would be kind to give back. It’s not like they’re asking for help every week even, it’s just a couple of hours every other week when the DC are already asleep. All you have to do is sit there for a couple of hours and they’ll even pick you up and drop you back off at home.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest, as the problems you cited were only possibilities and not proven. The benefits to your daughter would be significant.

That bit of time one on one with eldest could even become a highlight! And you'll feel like you are giving back. I know you say SIL volunteers for the grass, but it's not because there's nothing he'd rather be doing.

I am like you in that I love my sleep and get anxious if I cannot get to sleep early but having said that I do think it's good to shake up our routines and if you do help out you might see that your worries (about sleep, about children being unsettled etc) are manageable. I voted YABU because I think that while helping out your family it could also be good for you to see that you can handle changes in routine.

You live 10 mins away, they’ll collect you and take you home, they help you out a lot it seems but 2 hours every fortnight is too much for them to ask? I think you’re being mean not even giving it a go.

There NEVER are. This is only ever an expectation of women 😂.

Blimey, I'd get one of those robot grass cutters if I'd realised my lawn mow was costing me two evenings of toddler wrangling a month!

I would be happy to do that for my children. I don't think a couple of hours once a fortnight is a big ask. You won't have to do much, just read some stories with your granddaughter which is lovely. If they're dropping you home 9.30ish, you can be in bed by 10!

2 evenings a month for 2.5 hours is such a big ask??

I’m amazed at DSIL mowing everyone’s lawns - that must be a whole Sunday morning at least every fortnight - presumably he works all week - v unfair imv

If you're not prepared to help your daughter out every other Sunday for a few hours that's up to you but don't accept the lifts to appointments that they give you, get taxis and cut your own grass or pay someone to do it!
Just watch out as you get older and really need their help.
What comes around goes around. Rightly so IMO!

I think you should help them out op.
It sounds like they do a lot for you and for them to be able to do something together not only benefits them but also your grandchildren.
When you break it down it is 2 nights a month you might be later to your bed, you could still be home and in bed by 10