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AIBU?

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Original poster

So angry what is wrong with some parents

465 replies

fumingrightnow1 · 18/08/2026 22:26

My dd14 was supposed to be sleeping at a friend's tonight. They have had an argument and she said let's just leave it and go to sleep her friend told her she had to leave so she's walked home and just come in the door at gone 10pm. I can't believe the mum didn't step in and do anything or let me know and I would've got her. I've said to dd why didn't you call me but she just shrugged and said she was fine walking and didn't want to stand outside waiting for me. Its about a 10 minute walk. I don't let her out on her own at this time of night. As a parent i would have stepped in and can't believe this other mum did nothing.

OP posts:
PrettyLittleRose · 19/08/2026 08:26

Marie324 · 19/08/2026 08:16

That's an extreme example. 14 is not the same as 7. At 14 you would expect them to have developed some more independence and be able to navigate this situation. It is not the same as a younger child. I think you have to give teens some autonomy or I don't think they'll be equipped going into adulthood. Obviously it does depend on the maturity of the child. I speak from my own experience as my own children are not teenagers yet. Maybe I'll feel differently when I have teenagers.

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It's a good example of how some parents don't give a fluff about their children though.

Notquitethetruth · 19/08/2026 08:26

@fumingrightnow1 has concerns about what happened between her daughter and friend, her daughter leaving the house and her 10 minute walk home on her own. Some replies have been dismissive and have tried to minimise those concerns.
The other parent was aware there was a disagreement, would or should have been aware very quickly that OPs daughter had left the house and should have attempted to ensure she had returned home safely.
The OP is right to be upset but having a disagreement with the other Mum is not the answer. Nothing will be achieved other than the other parent getting defensive. Better to set clear boundaries with her own daughter and have clear communication about what is acceptable.
Not everyone lives in areas where it is safe for a 14 year old to be walking alone in the dark at 10pm.

blossomsnow · 19/08/2026 08:26

fumingrightnow1 · 19/08/2026 08:21

I don't believe the mum didn't know. She had already heard them arguing. Surely you would hear someone walking down the stairs and out the door. Like I said previously neither girl is quiet.

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Not necessarily no. And if she had realized - how could she contact you if you hadn't given her your number?

Original poster
fumingrightnow1 · 19/08/2026 08:26

Iocanepowder · 19/08/2026 08:22

Sorry op but i’m not sure you can direct so much anger with the mum about not notifying you of te issue if you didn’t feel it was important to ever give her your number in the first place.

Its just not how i would of dealt with the situation I would of stepped in and tried to defuse the situation and if I couldn't I would of took friend home and if I couldn't I would of got friend to call her mum. I wouldn't just sit back why my dd screamed at someone to get out her house.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 19/08/2026 08:26

fumingrightnow1 · 19/08/2026 08:22

This is clearly a mistake i have made. I always know the address and have my dd mobile to contact her on so I didn't think it was necessary.

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What if something happened and she needed to contact you? What if they both told you they were staying at each others houses and were not? You have been far too laid back and I hope this wakes you up.

Iocanepowder · 19/08/2026 08:22

Sorry op but i’m not sure you can direct so much anger with the mum about not notifying you of te issue if you didn’t feel it was important to ever give her your number in the first place.

Original poster
fumingrightnow1 · 19/08/2026 08:22

AquaLeader · 19/08/2026 08:19

I'm even more surprised that you regularly allow your child to sleep elsewhere and you don't even know the parents or have their phone number.

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This is clearly a mistake i have made. I always know the address and have my dd mobile to contact her on so I didn't think it was necessary.

OP posts:
VestibuleWeaver · 19/08/2026 08:21

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On the contrary, it discourages awful things from happening in the first place, because there is a much greater risk of detection.

Original poster
fumingrightnow1 · 19/08/2026 08:21

greenmacchiato · 19/08/2026 08:17

I agree, the other mum probably wasn't aware. Still not a nice situation and as a parent who is hosting a sleepover you'd probably want to be sure everyone is safe and more or less under control.

I don't believe the mum didn't know. She had already heard them arguing. Surely you would hear someone walking down the stairs and out the door. Like I said previously neither girl is quiet.

OP posts:
2O26 · 19/08/2026 08:19

Sartre · 19/08/2026 08:05

Awful for your DD but she obviously also should have called rather than walking alone in the dark… And yes the mother should have offered a lift, maybe she’d had a wine or two though and couldn’t?

But the mother and her DD could walk home with the friend so she wasn't alone.

AquaLeader · 19/08/2026 08:19

fumingrightnow1 · 19/08/2026 08:11

Im suprised how many people let their children walk home alone at 10pm in the dark.

I'm even more surprised that you regularly allow your child to sleep elsewhere and you don't even know the parents or have their phone number.

Comeinsideforacupoftea · 19/08/2026 08:18

I'm by no means a helicopter parent and with friendships I try and encourage even my 8 year old to manage her own friendships. However I think if she had a friend over who was sufficiently distressed that she was about to leave the house late at night and angry and upset I would have offered her a cuppa and made sure she was ok and able to get home safely before she left my house whether she was 14 or 24 tbh. 14 is an inbetween age where different parents will have different ideas about the level of supervision required but I also would be refusing to allow my child over to another parent's house to sleep over without both sets of parents having each other's number. I don't think YABU OP

pastadish · 19/08/2026 08:17

Some very weird replies on here, I don’t know anyone who lets their 14 year old daughters walk around or walk home at night I certainly didn’t and still wouldn’t like it and my dds are in their mid twenties now and we don’t even live in a city we live in a quite ‘safe’ area not like me when I was growing up in London. I used to do it because I was born in 1976 and times were different however my parents still picked me up at times.

greenmacchiato · 19/08/2026 08:17

I agree, the other mum probably wasn't aware. Still not a nice situation and as a parent who is hosting a sleepover you'd probably want to be sure everyone is safe and more or less under control.

blossomsnow · 19/08/2026 08:17

Lentilcakes · 19/08/2026 08:03

At 14 - do you have teenagers? Unless your child has gone up to secondary w their primary school friends or you happen to know the parents, this is very common. You don’t know the parents.

But yes, I’d not particularly want my 14 year old walking home in the dark at 10pm. I can see why she just wanted to leave and may have risk assessed the situation herself.

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I have teens. They didn't even go to the same secondary as their primary friends so I didn't know any of the parents.
Whenever they asked for a sleepover at a friend's I would ask for the friends parents number and check with the parents directly

That's normal responsible parenting surely?

I am staggered when children come for a sleepover here and the parents don't make any attempt to contact me

Marie324 · 19/08/2026 08:16

PrettyLittleRose · 19/08/2026 07:58

Of course it's not safer now, than 'back in the day,' what a ludicrous comment!

And I would rather children were mollycoddled than neglected.

A woman near me who doesn't give a shit about her kids didn't bother wondering were her SEVEN year old daughter was until it was getting dark - 9pm - sunset was 8.45pm. The little girl had been out since midday. She is seven!

Turned out she was moving about between the houses of 4 or 5 other children for those 9 hours and staying an hour or two at each one. Stupid mother didn't have a clue where she was, and simply said 'about fucking time' when she came in at 9.35pm. She had walked from this one girl's house (who is 10) at 9.20-9.25pm, when it was dark. 15 minutes walk. At 9.30pm. On her own!

The mum didn't give a shit...

Edited
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That's an extreme example. 14 is not the same as 7. At 14 you would expect them to have developed some more independence and be able to navigate this situation. It is not the same as a younger child. I think you have to give teens some autonomy or I don't think they'll be equipped going into adulthood. Obviously it does depend on the maturity of the child. I speak from my own experience as my own children are not teenagers yet. Maybe I'll feel differently when I have teenagers.

PastorG · 19/08/2026 08:15

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Original poster
fumingrightnow1 · 19/08/2026 08:12

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No she's still in bed

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PastorG · 19/08/2026 08:12

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PastorG · 19/08/2026 08:11

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Original poster
fumingrightnow1 · 19/08/2026 08:11

Im suprised how many people let their children walk home alone at 10pm in the dark.

OP posts:
PrettyLittleRose · 19/08/2026 08:09

VestibuleWeaver · 19/08/2026 08:03

Of course it is. There is CCTV and doorbell cameras everywhere, for a start, plus everyone carries a mobile phone.

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That does not mean it's safer for children, or safe to let a young teen walk home alone at 10 at night

DurhamDurham · 19/08/2026 08:09

I would have ensured I had the mother’s phone number before the sleepover, that’s just a basic requirement.
As you don’t let your daughter out at that time of night, she knows she should have called you so I think that’s on her. Also she’s old enough to not ‘storm out’ of someone’s house at 10pm, I bet the other mother didn’t appreciate that and will also be happy if the friendship comes to an end.

PastorG · 19/08/2026 08:08

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PastorG · 19/08/2026 08:07

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