So angry what is wrong with some parents

Fuck me.

Some of you need to have a think about what you would do if you were the other mother in this situation.
If you heard your 14 year old daughter arguing with her friend when she’s sleeping at your house, and your daughter was kicking her out, would you just allow it? Or would you step in? See if you could smooth things out, or at the absolute very least grab your car keys and give this child a lift home, seeing as it’s close to 10pm?
if yes, it explains a lot.
if no, and you would actually bother your arse to look after a child who is actually in your care, then wtf are some of your responses??

also ‘a 10 minute home in the dark at 14 is fine’ soon turns in to ‘why the hell was her mother allowing her out alone at that time?’ real fast when the worst happens.

OP, your DD walked home at 10 pm so is it really that surprising that many people let their children walk home alone at 10 pm?

Sigh. I will happily change it to These type of threads OFTEN descend into everyone trying to show what cool relaxed parents they are.

Other people’s circumstances and life-experiences may have led them to being more careful surrounding safety. Rare to get a thread like this, eg should I let my teen go to this party, should I let my teen go on holiday with his mates etc, that instead of a debate into pros and cons, just becomes a pile-on of people being faux-outraged that others aren’t as lenient as them.

YABU

DD should have phoned you

10 mins isn’t that long and it isn’t that late/ I have a 14yr old who is encouraged to walk home if needed from friends at 10pm and yes we live in a major city

why don’t you know the parents or have the number of the adults with whom your child is staying with

They could be reasons why she didn’t offer to take her home; no car, small children, had a drink etc

Yes, if mum has your number or knew you, you’d think she’d offer if none of the above reasons apply.

But you, your DD and the friend are the ones I’d be annoyed at, with other Mum coming in last

I would imagine you are going to get a very different story from the other Mum.

In any case, your DD knew she wasn't allowed to walk home late at night, she could have phoned you and she didn't. So I hope you've had a serious chat about safety and handed out an appropriate punishment (maybe grounding for a week, followed by an early (6pm?) curfew for the rest of the school holidays, since clearly she can't be trusted to keep herself safe when allowed out alone.

For example my DD was at ATC? It finished at 10, she could walk back in 10 mins ( all along a main road in a safe town) Most of the kids walked back if they lived close by

Why is that so dangerous.?

And should I have been leaving my 4 year old at home alone while going to meet her? Or drag him out of bed to then have to resettle him again . Or not allow DD Zto attend the ATC which took up most of her teen life and provided a lot of opportunities

Well - yes to a degree - but as the adult in this situation, would you not at least check that the kid was allowed to walk home? I certainly would.

In my opinion the responsibility lies with all three of them -

• Child should have called parent and ask to be picked up.

• The friend's parent should have checked that the child could walk home alone.

• OP should have already swapped numbers with the friend's parent so they had direct contact in case anything happened.

You shouldn't have to rely on children or going to the house to get in touch with the responsible adult. Always swap numbers with the other parent.

Like another post recently I think you’re misdirecting your anger here. I wouldn’t expect someone else’s parent to physically interject in my 13 year old’s argument with their child. She had no way to message you - your daughter is considered old enough to have her own social life so she needs to know how to take care of herself. It was on her to call you and on her to know your rules. My daughter isn’t allowed to walk home from dance at 10pm on her own but plenty of her friends are - no reason they’d know my rules and no reason for me to judge them for theirs. If something were to happen and my daughter needed a lift she’d need to tell me, I wouldn’t rely on another adult at this age.

You said you thought your daughter just left the property and the mother would have heard

So your daughter isnt in the house at that time

Perhaps mum was in bed

So how would she get your number from your daughter. Perhaps your daughter gave her a mouthful of aggro?

Why is it her responsbility when your daughter didnt take responsbility and neither did you for not having any dialogue with this mum?

Surely it depends where you live. Around here absolutely fine

It doesn't sound like either parent cared.

That it, until one young teen arrived home unexpectedly.

Not if your DD had already stormed out. And how do you know she knows where you live?

Yes because nothing terrible ever happens now since we got ring doorbell, it’s made the world a safe place finally 🙄

I‘m really surprised by some of these comments. I live in a nice area but I wouldn’t let someone else’s child walk home alone at 10pm. The other woman was in loco parentiis. She was legally responsible for OPs daughter. To just shrug and let her leave is pretty bloody outrageous. And reading some of these responses I’m shocked that so many people don’t give a shit about obligations for children. I despair.

Huh?? It was the girls arguing wasn't it?. You make it sound as if it was the parents having a huge row

No because her daughter didnt contact her and OP hadnt bothered to seek clarification of the details of the parent her daughter was staying with

The mum might not have bothered at all to engage with OP,w ho knows. But it doesnt sound like there was any dialogue between them at all about the sleepover.