To think we have failed our children/daughter as she now doesn’t want any other job just one in my office or working with DH.

Tell her you'll pay her by the hour at the same rate you'd pay her working for you but instead it's for every hour she does volunteering at a voluntary job.

Good gades are not only down to the school. They are the result of hard work by the child.

And there are other threads who won’t say a hobby as it’s too ‘outing’. No such qualms here 😂

Firstly well done your daughter @ForJadeEagle
Secondly Oxbridge well see a year spent as a paralegal as much more useful for a future law degree than being a barista - though going and doing something like volunteering alongside that, eg with a legal aid group or somewhere like Shelter or Women's Aid, would be useful too.
Finally I wouldn't have wanted the jobs you describe at 18 if I had had a choice! I worked for my mum's business (I wrote the one-liners describing cheese at a supermarket cheese counter, weird stuff like that) and taught sports before and during university. Better pay, nicer work. I worked as a receptionist for a little bit. There are lots of ways to get your edges rubbed off that don't include stacking shelves (which is hard and I think I would be rubbish at, frankly! Same with till work or a coffee shop).

It does seem like you may be projecting the jealousy you feel at your own struggles in comparison to her having an easier life than you. One to discuss in therapy?

I can see where you're coming from, but she's obviously looking at her older brother's behaviour/attitudes and you have set a precedent from the job PoV.

Not saying this is a terrible thing - I think a lot of parents in the same position would do it and if your DD has a genuine interest in law then it's probably helpful.

Could you have her two days each per week with you and DH so she gets a bit of a range of experiences? But she gets treated exactly like any other young employee - no perks, and has to do one day/session of volunteering a week?

Help her look for volunteering opportunities - there are lots out there for young people and it doesn't have to mean working with older women in a fusty charity shop if that's her issue.

My DD is 22 and started volunteering at 14 - she's done fundraising, social media, event planning, grant application reviews, worked with a charity for sex workers (once 20 and at uni) and another on the phone helpline for those who have experienced rape and sexual abuse, and spent a month in Cape Town working on projects with human rights and education for women and girls.

She's also on the law pathway and has taken part in various voluntary clinics and projects, some of which have been pretty high profile.
She is off to do her masters next month and has already signed up for the employment rights clinic.

So I'd point out to your DD that she will need to get used to doing some work for free (have a chat with her about circumstances around pro bono cases if you haven't already) even if it's just to make the most of her law degree when she gets there.

I didn’t work in a supermarket job till I was 60! All my jobs before that were office based.

To be fair, she does sound a bit bratty and there's the risk of 'easy come, easy go'.

However, as someone who has worked on the tills in Iceland as the result of a sudden financial emergency (husband was made redundant and I've been poor so it was a bit of a knee jerk 'keep at least some money coming in' reaction) ... I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. My own youngest is fairly cosseted and I preferred her going on her travels and learning how to cope in 'the real world' rather having to deal with the sheer grind of the shopfloor.

I think you're being unnecessarily hard on yourself and wonder if maybe the soul searching and sense of having done something wrong might be tied up with peri?

Also the fact that half the internships at JPM are from the SAME SCHOOL really speaks volumes about the 'Old Boy' network that very much does exist in our unequal non-meritocracy of a society.

The work isn't the issue, although I can see why you think it is. The issue is that she's a spoiled brat. Not sure you can fix that at 18, though. She's going to have a gilded life compared to most kids her age and the entitlement is probably baked in now.

I seem to be a lone voice here but I agree with you OP. Difference is I’d never have handed out jobs and privilege on a plate like you and your DH has done even if I was a multi millionaire. Your DH sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant snob if his attitudes to volunteering are anything to go by.

I honestly don't know what benefit you think she'd get from a "normal" job as opposed to the job she has done for you. The work she does for you is entirely relevant and specific to her intended career and will set her in good stead when it comes to the very competitive business of securing a training contract.

It almost sounds like you want her to have a harder time just for the sake of it being hard, and I'm not sure why?

I think if she's doing a good job for you you would be mad to push her into a less relevant, less useful and less interesting job just because you think there is some moral benefit to making her life harder than it needs to be.

It's a different question if she's lazy or disrespectful in the work she does, but if she's doing a good job you should let her continue.

It does sound like she has an attitude problem but realistically that's your job to address; you can't outsource it to a supermarket in the hope that she'll learn to be nice by working a pointless job she doesn't like.

Working as a junior in any business/employer is acceptable work for a teen. Lots of people get work through nepotism. It's just their family are art dealers and lawyers, not bricklayers and shop owners.

I applied for tons of hospitality and retail jobs as a teen but didn't get any. So I did call centre work and my family member got me a job in their industry. I don't really see what's wrong with that.

But I do know what you mean about your daughter. If you don't really need her at work then she should find another solicitors office who does. But if her dad will just let her work for him then at least she's doing something! Plenty of teens in rich families don't work at all!

YABU, I never worked in a supermarket, it’s not a rite of passage. It seems like she knows how to work hard given she’s achieved well academically and is acting as “practically a paralegal” in your office. I think you are unnecessarily worried. It sounds like she’s driven and will find her way.

No, because it’s a class thing.

Actors/doctors/lawyers giving thier children contacts and a leg up, how terribly privileged!

A plumber taking on their son the day they leave school or letting them work in the family corner shop - awww, bless the working class heros, backbone of the land.

It’s fucking ridiculous.

There’s been things he has said previously that are just wrong
the school has to contact us based on the things she has previously said.

You don't have to go into detail but along what themes were they? Did you then sit down with them, come up with some way to teach them otherwise?

Totally. 😂 Seems OP wants her privileged dd to have a taste of what it’s like with the common folk before she embarks on a high flying career.

Blimey. I would do anything I possibly could to help my kids avoid the crap jobs I did in my youth. You say she hasn’t worked hard but at the same time admit she worked very hard for her excellent a level grades.
I think this is some sort of weird stealth boast tbh.

Honestly, op, very few teenagers/young adults are going to be that altruistic! Volunteering is mostly something they do for the ubiquitous Duke of Edinburgh’s Award, which most of them sign up for to go hiking/camping with their mates, and put something on their CVs (ha!).

She’ll come to her own understanding of life’s harsher realities in due course, I’m sure. Most of us do. It’s a fact that teenagers are notoriously selfish, anyway, due to their developing brains, and that this usually changes with maturity (although not always, I’ll grant you!)

Tbh I don’t think it’s the norm for parents to go this far and imo humility is a trait to learn before adulthood.

I don’t think you’re being weird about this OP. The issue is that your daughter has not had to work for anything. She has not interviewed for her job, she was given it due to nepotism. That doesn’t mean she’s not great at it or that she’s lazy, but it does mean that she’s not developing the tenacity and resilience needed to live independently. That is what you’re trying to instil in her, and this is being made more difficult by the fact that she is consistently being given everything she wants.

I would say she doesn’t need to work in a supermarket but she does need to find a job off her own back. She needs to go through an application and interview process. These are key skills she needs to develop. Otherwise, what is likely to happen is that once she graduates she will come right back and expect you to hire her as a solicitor.

I would think a child who achieved 4 A*s knows quite a bit about hard work. If she's motivated and works hard in your business, I can't see the issue.

I think you’re worrying about nothing.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all! I think you clearly have done a great job parenting both kids, but you are aware that they have been lucky and want your daughter to experience other work and see the world from a different perspective.
you are obviously aware that some privileged kids can become entitled and spoiled and expect the world to fall into their lap! A bit of hard work outside of an office environment wouldn’t harm her at all. I can see why you are concerned about her attitude, as going behind your back in order to get a car from her grandparents was manipulative behaviour ( and the poster who said it’s only a 10 year old car, is missing the point entirely! She was told to save for her own!