AIBU to find my husband's reaction to our son's glasses odd?

When I told dm that ds was getting braces she worried he’d be bullied. I said sure everyone has them now. I’d say your dh is thinking the same about the glasses

I’m on the husbands side.
When I was 11, I went for a routine eye check I did not feel I had any problems with my vision. The optician said I needed glasses, which I duly got but never wore them. My parents kept nagging me but I didn’t feel they helped.
My parents took me to another optician who said I didn’t need them.
it’s always worth checking; it’s similar to dentists who say you need a filling when you actually don’t. I suppose some make genuine mistakes and some want the extra money they get.

I didn’t actually need glasses until my mid forties. That would have been 30 years of unnecessary glasses wearing.

It smacks of ‘my amazing genes could not possibly result in a son who needs glasses.’ Which is, of course, ridiculous. Nobody needs a second opinion for a simple eye test, so his disbelief is silly.

Your husband has serious issues. Very pathetic rection wouldn't be surprised if the opticians laugh at him.

This is about the glasses

It's not though is it. It's about your husband not believing what you've told him as though you were either too stupid to understand an optician or deliberately lying to him, neither of which is a sign of someone I'd want to stay married to. Or it's about him having some weird macho rejection of physical weakness AND he doesn't believe you/think you're stupid, which is even worse.

I was told by DS's optician that basically all children are long-sighted because of the size of their eyeballs (or lens, or something, I forget the detail). For most of them it's not an issue and as their eyes grow they grow out of it. However if it's causing them problems (headaches, blurred vision etc), which it particularly does if they spend a lot of time looking at screens, then they will prescribe glasses to help lessen those problems.

Maybe that's not true, but it made sense to me. He was clear that DS was only getting glasses because he was getting headaches, and if he'd had no symptoms they wouldn't have given him any.

Ouch! Maybe try to be a little more supportive than referring to OP as pathetic!

It sounds like he’s got psychological issues. Does he often think he’s an expert in areas where he has no qualifications and is he controlling?

His fragile ego can't take his ds isn't 'perfect '..

In fairness what strength is the prescription? I’m 0.25 in 1 eye and 0.5 in the other and have been for 20 years! Soecsavers always want me to get glasses but my vision is good and the prescription so mild I don’t bother. Think of all the money they’d have gotten off me / the nhs! And I’m sure my eyesight would have got worse.

Does DH wear glasses
I was gutted when one of ours had to at a similar age
not the look of glasses it’s how restrictive they are for sport and in the rain

To be fair @Likeiloveyou , no human child has ever broken a bone. Ever.

@User7989776 do you know what an opthalmologist does? Because their job is different from an optician. DD saw an opthalmologist for her "lazy" eye (they didn't call it that) and sees an optician now for glasses. She was discharged from the opthalmologist following treatment. It's worrying that you think they are the same.

OP, it seems very odd to me that he's so suspicious, but no harm in a second opinion. Let him chase it and organise it though.

Even the free ones they get the money back from the NHS.

Maybe he saw bullying at school because of it and is worried it will happen to your son.
Obviously, that bullying is awful, and no rational person says he shouldn't have glasses, but you're asking why someone might possibly behave like this. We live in a very judgmental society, and some people are very nasty to those they don't judge physically "strong/perfect".
Since Harry Potter, I know insults like four-eyes and other mean comments haven't been as frequent, but depending how old your husband is, might have happened when he was at school.

Ophthalmologists do not refract and prescribe glasses routinely
that's an optometrists job
you can't just get an appointment with an ophthalmologist to measure a glasses
prescription in a 9 year old

Glasses are over prescribed in kids. They'll give them for 0.75 astigmatism and 0.5 long/short sightedness, neither of which require glasses in kids. It's a money making thing (and yes kids get free glasses but they can also upgrade the lenses/frames for a cost)

sounds like my old MIL - oooh that will be a weakness, is that from your side. I loved her but frankly she was weird about anything being 'wrong' and took it very personally

Sorry but it's not about the glasses, it's about control and the fact that your relationship is pretty much over.
Just leave and stop overanalysing things like this - of course there's going to be rows and tension if you have issues anyway.

Did you only get your son tested at an opticians? Some of them are actually really shit. I've had tests that were way off and ended up with glasses that were far too strong or weak. An ophthalmologist is always more reliable, especially for a first diagnosis. So husband isn't entirely unreasonable to want a second opinion.

A lot of posts here would sound very hypocritical if reversed. Imagine if a mother started a post saying that her husband took their son to a random Specsavers and now insists he needs glasses for a mild vision issue. If the mother asked AIBU to double check for a second opinion, everyone would agree with her!

Does anyone in your immediate family wear glasses? Is he questioning it because it’s odd if you get me? It was no surprise to me and DH when DC2 got prescribed glasses at 9yo because I’ve been wearing glasses since about that age as did my dad before me.

Despite that I think glasses are sometimes over prescribed to kids, and glasses are a lifetime pain in the arse, so I’d be double checking they’re definitely needed too.

He sounds like a dick though, because there’s a sensible way of questioning it and he’s not doing it the sensible way.

Same and it was specsavers …I was violently ill with them..went to another optician and there was NO prescription. And continued that way for 2 more decades..scary

Could DH think it could be something different than needing glasses? Or just controlling…it’s that part that’s missing in your post OP

Sounds like he wants a super sporty alpha son and glasses don’t fit with that 😢

Is he doing the “ they must be wrong because my child is not going to need glasses” thing

Or is he doing the “opticians always try and sell you glasses” thing? The second thing has happened to me twice. I would hope they’d be a bit more ethical with a child though!

My husband would probably be a candidate for something like this. It’s a control issue and also a perfectionist thing