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Original poster

Did grandparents who had no help become less willing to help?

109 replies

Polishmamaa · 18/08/2026 17:25

Posting here for traffic but it’s for all those grandparents that are in the “I’ve done my bit / it’s my time” club.

Reading a recent thread got me thinking about whether members of this club ever received help from their own parents when they had their children?

Or if having no help from your own parents led you to feeling like you don’t want to help your children either?

OP posts:
Namechangewegovyjune26 · 18/08/2026 17:42

I’ve seen posts where the posters remember spending entire summers with their grandparents, yet their parents do not offer any help. In my experience it depends on the individuals and their priorities/ relationships.

NattyRedFinch · 18/08/2026 17:41

We’ve had no help whatsoever, but can’t wait to be GP’s and will gladly help practically, financially, whatever is needed. We’ve enjoyed being parents though and I’m not so sure that our parents did, maybe that’s why!!

Strawberryfruitstarburst · 18/08/2026 17:39

Bluebeast · 18/08/2026 17:33

I saw recently its sometimes the people that struggled the hardest, that have the least empathy.

Their attitude is "well I did it and survived, you can too!"

Mostly though, I think grandparents like this just never really enjoyed parenting or the company of children.

Disagree. Sometimes those who struggle the most don’t want someone to go through want they went through so do what they can to assist with their learned experience.

nomorekitchenislandsplease · 18/08/2026 17:34

I don't think it is useful to generalise. Families operate in all kinds of different ways.

GoodkneeBadKnee · 18/08/2026 17:34

My mum's parents lived overseas so she got no help from them. She was the kindest most wonderful grandparent to my DC though. I've told my adult dc that I won't be doing as much for them if they have kids. I'll help of course, but I don't plan on providing regular childcare.

Bluebeast · 18/08/2026 17:33

I saw recently its sometimes the people that struggled the hardest, that have the least empathy.

Their attitude is "well I did it and survived, you can too!"

Mostly though, I think grandparents like this just never really enjoyed parenting or the company of children.

Strawberryfruitstarburst · 18/08/2026 17:30

My mum and dad had no help, their parents were long distance or too old and ill.

My mum and dad have been the most helpful grandparents anyone could ask for.

Mylovelygreendress · 18/08/2026 17:29

I received absolutely no help from my parents or then ILs however I have willingly done a huge amount of childcare for my own grandchildren.
Having said that I will shortly be 70 and am starting to wind down a bit .

Princessfluffy · 18/08/2026 17:28

People help their children in different ways and to greater or lesser extents, there’s no real rhyme or reason to this in my experience.