Partner maybe having mental break down ?

You need to leave him and stop trying to save him. There's books you can get to help you understand where the mentality of always trying to help and fix bad people comes from. Stop putting yourself through this. If you want you can tell him there may be hope of a relationship in the future when he stops treating you like shit.

Update is good. No more pretending. He can have what he wants. I am being flippant I know and it’s not easy but sometimes the hardest bit is when it’s not clear and there is still hope.
What are the practicalities? Housing and money? Can he be trusted to look after his child alone?

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Please document and screenshot everything.

Do you have any family support - mum/siblings etc?

Op, he’s vile, truly vile. Cuddle your kids, and get you and them somewhere safe.

I’m sorry but that is so naive. He is a drug user - stop minimising it. My DC did not live with a drug user of any kind. His mental health is shot because he’s a drug user. Get your DC away from him.

You need to leave.

Whatever his mental state this is emotional abuse. Please contact your local Women's Aid service for support, leaving may feel impossible but they will help you understand the support you would be entitled to. Keep the messages as evidence.

Smoking weed, esp daily with make him paranoid. It's a well-known side effect. Smoking it for depression/unhappy with his life doesn't help, it makes it worse.

Until he stops smoking it and talks to you, a doctor, shrink, am afraid I don't think you can do much. You need to keep yourself safe mentally as well as your children, if this goes on much longer you may find you lose a bit of yourself too.

Can you leave? Do you have any family? I am worried for your safety.

Block him for now. If he is having a mental break nothing you say will have an impact and he won’t remember it either.

unblock him at the end of the day

Whatever the cause the outcome is that you’re a victim of domestic abuse. Have you got friends and family you can confide in? You also need to find your local domestic abuse charity and ask for 1 to 1 support. If you’re struggling to identify one speak with your health visitor and they’ll signpost you. I also think you need a break from the abuse. Is there anywhere he can stay for now, with a friend or family?

Reply and say that if he continues to make suicide threats you will send an ambulance to where his is.

You need legal advice, book an appointment with a solicitor and work out how to house yourself and your DC elsewhere. This is not something that you need to fix.

Have you talked to his mum about it? Show her the texts and tell her you are worried things are escalating.

By staying, you are exposing your DC to this behaviour and that simply has to stop. He's smoking weed, making himself incredibly paranoid by the sound of it, and there's only one way this will go - downhill. You need an exit plan and fast.

Don't allow yourself to be abused just because he's financially supporting you.

I wouldn't put up with that sort of abuse. Tell him that if he's that unhappy with you, you need to separate. Get some legal advice and plan your next steps. You don't have to live like this. I would also start looking for a job, you don't have to be financially dependent on this arsehole!

Sounds to me like he's bored with his life and is taking it out on you - like a mid life crisis.

I'd tell him you're fed up with the way he is and you want a 6 month Separation so you can each decide if this marriage is worth keeping or to end it.

Ask him to move out so you can both really make up your minds. Could he go.back to his parents?

TW: substance misuse, addiction, suicide, domestic abuse

Oh gosh, I feel for you. My ex/daughter's dad developed psychosis including paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, and extremely dangerous behaviour as a result of becoming addicted to crack cocaine (it started as a coke addiction) during lockdown.

I tried to seek help for him, but was unsuccessful. He tried to kill himself twice, the first time was almost successful but someone found him. He was discharged from hospital within 24hrs, back to me and our 3 year old, despite me begging the staff to section him as he was psychotic. They came round once and told him to contact some MH charity organisations by phone - which I knew he was in no state to do, and left us to it.

You really need professional support with this. A domestic abuse organisation is a good start as are the organisation called AdFam - https://adfam.org.uk/

You cannot help the person if they don't want to be helped or if they refuse to admit they have a problem. You have to save yourself and your children.

He feels like he's drowning? He's going to drag you and your DC down with him if you let him.

With what you've mentioned, and I presume there is more, I would absolutely look at getting yourself and your DC under a separate roof. There are lots of things that could be going on, but it sounds like zero of them are your fault, or your responsibility. The responsibility lies with him, and it doesn't sound like he is capable of being in a relationship as it stands.

His behaviour is abusive, I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Regardless of the cause, you shouldn't have to live like this. Any chance you could go away with the kids for a few days to visit friends or family, and get some time to yourself to think things through? Please do reach out to your support network and let them know what is going on

@strugglingtbh I would not feel safe being around someone like this. He needs to either seek psychiatric help or move out.

This is domestic abuse. I would contact women’s aid for supporty with filing for divorce.
there is no way I would allow a drug user in my home with my children.

I'm not sure that many men who WERE having an affair would reply to an accusation with 'yeah, you're right, you got me.' Aren't they pretty much always going to lie?

But regardless - it doesn't really matter whether it's an affair, a breakdown, just being a shitty person. He is treating you badly and that has to stop, and if that's by him moving out and you separating as a couple, then that's what has to happen.

It doesn't actually matter if his abuse is linked to a mental breakdown, you still don't have to accept it.

Ask him to leave. Is the house jointly owned? You need legal advice about gaining the right to stay out with your dc I'd say. If he threatens you, inform the police, ask them to remove him.

You can contact his GP yourself to tell them your worries about his mental health. If you are imminently concerned about his wellbeing at any point you can contact the police and ask for a welfare check.

But it's honestly hard to say if his arsehole behaviour is linked to mental health issues, his drug use or because he wants to opt out of his responsibility to his family.

Either way, it sounds like you'd be better off alone.

It is possible for someone to have a breakdown and need support and NOT EVER text their partner abuse, abuse them to their faces, call you fat......you get the picture.

Mental health breakdown is not an excuse for treating you like this. Treating you like this is a choice.

Look after yourself and your children. X