Financial help to wider family.

Let them deal with the consequences of their actions. You've planned your life and budget so that you can enjoy your retirement. Go ahead and do just that. If your relatives hadn't been so frivolous, they wouldn't be in this position now.

I think there are lots of different scenarios, I have lent money to siblings & vice versa. Wider family have helped & everything has always been paid back.

would your family sell their house if you prevented them from losing it?

Nope. I would not help. Adults need to deal with their choices in life and I would never have expected siblings or aunties to financially bail me out once I was a grown up.

Why would they?

My brother in law's family are really struggling to the point of being on the verge of losing their home. The thing is no one really knows our financial position at all.

Imagine how you'll feel if they use up your money to save their home and then re-mortgage and end up in the same position?

Don't do it. You made your sacrifices building up your nest egg, they need to make sacrifices now.

No. People like this will come to view it as an entitlement in no time. If they don't mind taking money off companies (enough to lead to CCJs), why would they mind taking it off you, then coming back for more? You'll just be one more branch on the magic money tree, as far as they're concerned. The only way the spend-more-than-they-have crowd ever change is if THEY have to suffer the consequences. I mean, not even then, always. But they definitely won't go, "oh dear, how embarrassing, I got into so much debt a family member had to bail me out, I must change my ways". They'll just put you and what they see as your infinite reserves of cash in the same category as taking out another credit card or whatever. One more way to overspend.

I would mostly stay quiet but maybe have think about situations where you might step in.

My partner and I earn have had a higher household income than our siblings as we were both in decent roles and they have a single or one decent earner/ one lower earning couples. We are also more frugal so we have a lot more savings.

I have loaned one sister money on a couple of occasions. Once a family member shafted her and booked something non refundable that she had told them she couldn't afford but would have liked to do. The second time was an ill timed vet bill and was short notice. I'd offered her the first time and she came to me the second. They were relatively small amounts and were repaid promptly. The 3rd time was more significant and it was to help her buy a house. She was a bit short on a deposit after the bank offered a different mortgage to the mortgage in principle. She had already committed money to the sale of the house, sold hers and broken the chain. She has terrible taste in men and the arseholes BF at the time offered her the money. I offered to loan her money instead and we agreed a repayment plan. It took her 2 years to pay me back and she paid me the interest I could have earned if I put it into a fixed account for 2 years. I couldn't afford for her to not pay me back but it was money that I didn't need in a 2-4 year time frame. I was optimistic that she could afford to repay in 2y and if not 3y would have been very doable. I couldn't 32stand by and have my sister be locked into a commitment with another controlling man having seen how hard it had been for her to extract herself from her abusive marriage. She hasn't asked for any money since, now about 6+ years ago.

I would offer support to allow my siblings to have a roof over their heads and food on the table. I'm not going to support and unsustainable lifestyle or permit abuse but if they find themselves needing support to restart a life I'm there. So rather than help to stop them losing an unaffordable house which would be a stop gap and mean more help would be necessary next month but if they were struggling to find the money for a one off deposit or upfront rent for example I'd consider helping as a loan or a gift to help them get back on their feet but it would be case by case and not let on how comfortable it would be for make that payment

You'll be throwning good money after bad and you'll open the floodgates - everyone else will start asking too.

I get the impression that you are still going to do it so if you do, make sure you cap it. For example, you win £10k on a stratch card etc. and make it very clear, when it's gone, it's gone.

Good god no. Do not share. If you do, I can guarantee that it will change nothing for them. They will just spend the money on something that you have probably denied yourself as too expensive and not necessary. And then once they are back in same bad financial place they will be harassing you for more. Just no. Keep your well earned and saved for money and enjoy a worry free retirement. Keep quiet. Your business is none of theirs.

Don’t give them money.

Don’t do it

I'd stay quiet.

They sound irresponsible as a group.

If you help one once, then you become their safety net. They won't suddenly change their ways and start being responsible; they'll just see you as a resource.

Then the others find out you have disposable income and a kind disposition, and then you're Gather Christmas all year round.

And you'll end up on the receiving end of continual begging, and falling-outs if you don't keep the donations flowing.

For a peaceful life, and peace of mind, let them get on with it.

It’s up to you. But whatever you hand over….don't expect it to ever come back to you.

It wouldn’t be a loan, because it would never be repaid. So whatever you give would be a gift effectively.

Do you really want to hand over £££££s for it to be spent on fancy cars and holidays?

once you gift them the money they can do what they please with it. How would you feel if they spent it on holidays and another car?! I would not.

They have proven to you that they are terrible with money.

Just as fast as you get them out of this hole, they'll be digging the next one. Only next time they'll expect you to help again so they'll be even more frivolous.

People who are bad with money rarely change unless they learn the lessons. So giving them money may not get them out of a hole but give them an excuse for a spend up. I certainly would not tell them anything about your finances. If your kids are secure then you have done your job and showed them how to be fiscally responsible. Wider family obviously haven’t. Also it will inevitably lead to you having to do the same with other relatives. Offer advice but no money.

Say nothing. You bail them out this week and they will be back in 6 months looking for more. Theyve made their choices and now theyve to face the consequences

No.

I have learnt the hard way bailing family members out who have different attitude to money. Having more money doesn't change their attitude to spending. They just have a bigger pot to fritter.

Sometimes hard times help people change their attitude. Sometimes it doesn't. Either way, it isn't your job to save them from their choices.

you have been sensible and have achieved personal financial security. you are not, however, Warren buffet or Jeff bezos, so you have no obligation to help them out at all.

I agree this is important. Have they experienced some bad luck so that spending that was affordable isn't anymore even though they've cut back, or is this long term living beyond their means due to luxuries?

Also, will your financial help steady the ship long term or delay the inevitable? I'd feel differently about paying off some mortgage arrears in a lump sum that would make regular payments manageable again, then having to top up a mortgage payment every month indefinitely.

They will never learn to manage their money if someone bails them out and same with their children. This isn’t a case that they had back luck-redundancy/illness/death in the family. They simply have spent all their money so not I wouldn’t be giving them mine to spend.

Nope keep stum. You planned and organised for retirement. They didnt

Why do you feel guilty? Did you steal your money, or defraud someone? You worked hard, made the best decisions you knew how to make - you didn’t walk over anyone and you didn’t ask your family to take on debt on your behalf. No guilt needed.

As to whether you help them out? It takes a long time, and a lot of decisions to get to where you might loose your house. If you bail them out what happens when they’re in the same place 5 years down the line?

No because then it opens up the floodgates. Once you help one person then others might hear about it and also start making requests.

Also as someone else has pointed out how will you feel ensuring they have a roof over their heads only for them to continue spending money on luxuries/non essentials.

I would say nothing. As I have said before as adults we all know actions have consequences in your families case they chose to spend rather than save

its not your issue if they have difficulties now. They won’t be able to pay you back and you will end up with a poorer retirement which is not what you planned

Don’t do this - let them learm from
their mistakes so they change their approach moving forward

This is the kindest thing you could do

Paying off their debt will make you an enabler in my eyes!