AIBU not to pursue autism assessment for child coping well at school

If you have already been through the process with your elder child then you know How long it can take. Please support school to do what they think will help. If your Dd does need help down the line then school need months/years of evidence to prove it. You could end up in a real mess further down the line. Maybe she won’t ever need any of it. But you lose nothing by doing what they’re suggesting.

School have identified something. There is autism in the family.

It will take a long time for her assessment to go through the system. It may say no, she's not autistic.

Even if she's not struggling now, they have flagged that they expect her to be likely to have problems in the future. So take it seriously.

What you don't want is for her to get to high school and have a meltdown and end up really needing support and having to wait for two years if she is autistic.

Get the assessment.

My daughter started to struggle in year 5 and was diagnosed mid-way through year 6.

Having that diagnosis before starting senior school made a world of difference, as her new school put a host of accommodations in place from the beginning.

She is now 13 and thriving, calm at school, happy to go and copes (mostly) with the sensory onslaught of a busy school/timetable. Still autistic but she understands who she is and what she needs. I know schools very much should support the need and not the diagnosis, but they don't all and you only find that out when it falls apart.

If school want to help with her social skills, why not let them? It won't lead to anything more at this stage but may be useful evidence later on when you realise a diagnosis / EHCP could be very useful. It's better to build up evidence of issues as early as you can. Schools are much more aware of ASD than they used to be and recognise many children show signs of Autism even though they cope relatively well in primary school.

I got diagnosed at 40years old. I would give my life again to go back and have a word or even someone to explain its my brain not a character flaw.

If you thought she might be dyslexic would you say well see how she feels about it when shes 30 burnt out and thinking if she tried harder maybe the words wouldn't dance and she could read.

Also, you imply that your eldest is a boy - boys are girls present really quite differently. Look out for watch, follow, copy type behaviours with friends - this is how our dd managed to look ‘typical’ to most people.

You don’t say how old she is, but my dd thrived at primary school and then burnt out completely at secondary. It was heartbreaking. I wish we’d known earlier. Speak to adults who’ve been diagnosed later in life - I suspect they would all say they’d have taken the assessment and subsequent support as a child if they could go back.

If assessment happens when things go wrong for an adolescent then they can see autism as the whole reason for things going badly. If they are autistic and understand differences and what they need re support/scaffolding and areas of strength and difficulty it can be more protective if done earlier for some . It’s hard as obviously that’s a blanket statement my priority with intellectually able kids is what would be better for mental health trajectory. I think there are many factors that determine whether a diagnosis can be helpful or not so it’s not just assessment itself but doing this in a way that supports understanding.

Just because you think she is doing ok and doesn’t need a diagnosis - she might disagree .
it’s not fair for you to decline on her behalf .

My daughter doesn’t struggle too much at school (academically brilliant but quite anxious at times and some sensory problems) and the SENCO asked us the same. Thing is, primary schools are often good at putting in adjustments without a diagnosis (or ours is, anyway). I’m worried about when she goes to secondary, so I’m perusing the diagnosis now (age 7) as I know it can take years.

I also have 3 friends who are teachers who missed ASD/ADHD in their own girls at primary school- typical high achieving girls in primary but wheels came off when puberty hit (quite common I think) and issues with self harm, eating, school refusal etc. then a huge wait to be assessed. I’m trying to avoid that.

I work with secondary age girls and see so many kids like this who are delightful and cope well, then they get to key stage 4 and the anxiety rockets and they begin to struggle badly. When there’s an issue at that age they end up on a waiting list that they are unlikely to reach the front of before they leave school.

With the waiting lists being multiple years, a diagnosis that may not matter too much in a nice cosy primary school may certainly be helpful in secondary school.

An IEP doesn't set her on the path to diagnosis though.

This was my dd at 8. At 13 she is struggling massively and due to the system being so overwhelmed help is likely to take years.... If the school think it would help and are offering to pursue it for you take their arms off!

I have known people who were diagnosed as an adult. They have said it helped them make sense of their teenage years. I believe it can be helpful to understand yourself and why you think the way you do. It's often harder to pursue an adult diagnosis, at least on the NHS, so I would consider it now.

I suppose the thing to consider is, although she is not struggling now, she may struggle along the line and a diagnosis may help her get the support more quickly when she does need it.