Being spoken to disrespectfully in front of DHs mum

This man sounds truly horrible.

Why were you wasting money that you couldn’t afford going to a wedding abroad

How on earth is her comment disrespectful? How is lightly asking somebody to not be disrespectful, also disrespectful?

Whut?

Why are so many women putting up with shithead husbands?

You deserve better. Life is way too short to waste it on selfish idiots.

He is feeling ashamed of himself and lashing out. He is trying to "level" you and bring you down so he feels better about himself (which doesn't work so then he feels even worse). It also makes him hypersensitive to any perceived criticism which will make your life hell.
Unless he works on himself things will not get any better and it will drag you down (even more than you are currently).

Also the fact that he didn't mention the money problems until you actually got there!! WTF? What if you both did that and you were caught out. Like he seriously knew this was going on but kept quiet for a week or longer.

I would be more concerned about him speaking to you like that in front of your child than your MIL, and behaving towards you as he did all weekend in front of your child.

Did he swear like that in front of dd?

Why was he in a sulk with you all w/e?

You are worrying about the wrong thing. How he speaks to you in front of his mum is the least of your worries. His poor financial management, the fact that he uses you, the sulking, the point scoring, the lack of consideration.... these are all much bigger issues. And that he speaks to you like that in front of his mother is a pretty clear sign that he really doesn't care.

OP how are the finances divided between you? It's unclear how each of you contribute to the running of the house, how much personal spending you each have etc.

No way should he have spoken to you like that. His attitude and language was appalling.

This - and the money. If you can’t do that without conflict and abuse, then I think you might need to consider that your marriage is over and start planning an exit strategy.

Passive aggression on your part @illgo doesn’t help, but it’s easy to slip into when you find yourself walking on eggshells around someones’s moods whilst suppressing your resentment. I’d also be inclined to open an experian or clear score account and check his finances. Its really easy to do - new email, just complete in his name and confirm address. I once did this on my DH, 10-12 years ago (yes I am ashamed) because he was not taking the time to actually sit and talk trough finances and I was feeling unable to ask him for money for the kids. Fortunately, it meant that I understood that we were fine financially and he was just trying to protect joint/family finances from the perceived risk of my past spending/debt management habits [from decades earlier]. The judgment and lack of faith, given we were married, joint home owners and had children together, really hurt even though I understood where it was rooted.

We were able to sit and discuss this rationally and he has all my Experian log on details too so he can see what I am doing at any time. He hasn’t needed to because he realised latterly that he was being a bit controlling and holding me to account over past behaviours - we now have total transparency.

If you can’t get to this position, then there is an underlying issue of lack of trust and without a plan to re-establish that, your marriage outlook is not good.

Why are you making your life and the life of your child so shit by staying with such a vile human? Just imagine your daughter having a partner like him in the future, she will do because you are showing her what she should accept.

His behaviour is abusive. It will get worse. How dare he treat you - who he is supposed to love and cherish - in such a way. Put it in the context of what would you say if this were happening to a good friend of yours? You’d say that she didn’t deserve such disrespect and tell her she deserved much better. So do you.

He sounds like a child
Why was he going away to a wedding abroad when he is broke?
And drinking out a carton is gross.

Is it OK with you if he speaks to you like that when you are on your own?

He is selfish and disgusting whether you are financially subsidising him or not. He could have got a glass but he didn't because he's selfish, disgusting AND lazy. Being sarcastic is not the same as being jovial and you should stop trying to disguise your disgust for his disgusting behaviour by pretending it is. Just tell him drinking out of the milk carton is unhygienic.

There is no point complaining about him being bad with money if it's nothing new. Either he can't or he won't change.

You are married to a disrespectful pig. It seems he's been this way for sometime and you are responding to his toxic behaviour with some of your own. Only you can decide if he adds anything positive to your life or if the marriage is worth salvaging.

Eugh! He's selfish, filthy and disrespectful.

It sounds like you do not share finances with the incompetent, and for very good reason. Why did he just assume though, he could leave it until that point to tell you he has no money, and you'd fix it?
What would have happened if you'd just said you had no money either?

I just couldn't ☹️.

I haven't voted because while it's not your aibu, you are bu to remain with him. Why on earth did he wait until you were on holiday to tell you he had no money. Was a budget not worked out for the holiday? Because if I was unemployed the very last thing I'd be doing is travelling abroad to a wedding.

This. Your jovial comment was just as disrespectful as him drinking the milk out of the carton in the first place. But he sounds awful and it seems as if you have built up resentment from having to pay for everything.

In another relationship shared roles and responsibilities as well as finances wouldn't play out like this.

You only gave us a snapshot but if this is what you are both like all the time you might be better to split.

No man or woman who has any decency would speak to their partner the way your DH has spoken to and treated you and it sounds as if it wasn’t a once off either. He sounds horrible and has no respect for you. Consider leaving him, you’ll be happier. Your DD deserves better than to witness his carry on.

What does he bring to your life? Please don’t say he’s a great dad because he can’t be really if he’s childish, selfish, petulant and can’t manage money.

Agree with this, and all the others, he's a bad partner.

I think you are focusing on the wrong thing and you have way bigger problems than him speaking to you like that in front of his mum.

I genuinely do not understand why you are happy living this life.

I am surprised a conversation about mpney was not had before departure. Drinking from a bottle is selfish. He should not be talking to you in a disrespectful way full stop. He will try? His it his default setting to be disrespectful? Perhaps you need some time away from each other?

Uurrgggh what do you see in him?? He can’t even manage his money until the end of the month? Ick. He can’t even help buy his child’s birthday presents. Ick. He speaks to you like shit, even in front of people. Ick. You pay for stuff at the wedding and he can’t even talk to you whilst he was there. You see where I’m going? You’d be better off alone. More money, less stress and one less manchild. I couldn’t and wouldn’t live my life like this. It’s far too short!

@illgo oh that’s horrible. Not even grateful for your support. LTB!

Why are you with him? He sounds like an idiot