Being spoken to disrespectfully in front of DHs mum

Are you that desperate to stay with him?! He's using you. And he doesn't like you at all. Do better for your DD and end the charade sooner rather than later. You'll be subbing him for the rest of your life otherwise.

Who drinks out the carton that's disgusting, also his mother should have spoken up and told him, just that alone has given me the ick , he acts like a child spending every penny then expecting you to foot the rest..

What is the point in this? Genuinely?

He doesn’t even like you.
He’s literally only with you because he’s got it good but he can’t stand you and he doesn’t even try and hide it.

How is this better than being single?
Are you really ok with your DD seeing this as the norm?

He’s never going to leave because out of his salary he’ll actually have to pay bills and not waste it.
It has to be you that makes the decision.

FGS don’t buy a bigger house with him!!

He sees himself as disgusting and worthless because he has to rely on you for money and he’s projecting his feelings about what he thinks you feel about him onto your tone and words.

It’s typical ‘man feels emasculated decides to despise his wife instead of himself’ behaviour.

If they think you'll stay through anything, they'll put you through everything. Ask me how I know.

Leave him. He has absolutely no respect for you or your daughter, and yes, at best he hates you.

He is hiding something? Addiction, gambling, his aggressive deflection, letting you down at the last minute. It is not good enough.

He needs to out more into the family pot and only keep the minimum amount for personal use.

What adults will drink directly from a milk carton
that other people need to use.

Yes, I feel sorry for the MIL here. I suppose a lot of people will blame her for her son's behaviour though, even though he's an adult and presumably had two parents.
It is hard not to have a job/make enough money, and people seem more judgmental towards men who don't have enough money than towards women, so I do have some sympathy with that. Doesn't make it ok to speak like this though, OP, but it shouldn't be about how he speaks in front of his mum or anyone else-you should always speak respectfully to your partner and no differently because of who is around (obvious considerations like language aside).

Also the fact that he didn't mention the money problems until you actually got there!! WTF? What if you both did that and you were caught out. Like he seriously knew this was going on but kept quiet for a week or longer.

My friend did this to me and we were 10 hours flight away from home! It's awful and very risky.

The difference is - she was 19.

Jeeeezus how the hell are u both running out of money?!

Dont buy a bigger house

Get a smaller one for you and your daughter.

Raise your standards and boundaries. Good lord!

All these grown men; husbands and fathers, who will sponge off spouses without a second thought, fail to pull their weight in the household, act like stroppy teenagers at the drop of a hat, and above all, devote every scrap of attention and cash to some non-negotiable ‘hobby’.
To hell with family life; a man must have his man time. I can’t see much point in them as life partners, as they all, to a man, drag their wives down and greatly increase her workload.

He doesn’t like you. You don’t treat people you care about like that. Just end it. It’s not worth the hassle.

I recommend not moving to a bigger house. It will be more cost for you either together or apart.

Don’t buy again with him. He is absolutely a user. Get into therapy to find out why you accept this treatment.

I’d take put everything I’d put into the savings , leaving it in a ‘joint’ account is a joke, then kick him the fuck out. He can take his hobby stuff with him so he should be happy enough. He’d better if he were my partner as I couldn’t guarantee its safety if he didn’t.

Another vote here for separate finances. I bet most of it you’ve put in? Take out what you’ve put in sharpish. You can still do the house etc if that’s what you want but I’d be separating it

Do you really think this is what a relationship should be like, op? The fact his mum wasn’t absolutely mortified and that he’d speak like that in front of her tells me everything about what he’s like. Why are you with him? You don’t actually really like each other at all.

£1600 take home is less than minimum wage for a full time job? (£1780)
Does he have no qualifications etc?
Could he retrain if so?

You deserve better.

He "wanted a drink" and was surly and sulky. Could he be alcoholic? Is that why he runs out of money?

You need to sit him down and make it clear that whilst you earn more than him you also pay more than him. If the £500 each is for bills fine, but you pay extra for food shopping each week, what does that come to? I would also point out you are saving £1k a month to allow you to move to a bigger house, he saves nothing I assume. I am also assuming you pay everything for your child if he has no money left each month and his hobbies take priority

i would point out he has options, one is to sell the hobby stuff he no longer uses if it’s £5k then say £3k into savings for a new house, after all why should it just be you and £2k for him. Two if he wants more money he finds a better paying job. Three he needs to start looking at his finances and managing, so working out how much he can actually spend on his hobbies, how much is needed for other stuff, what he can save etc. he can either get you go through the stuff with him and keep check, or plenty of stuff online that can help him

Finally I would point out he is an adult not a second child and he needs to start acting like one

I think separate finances are a good idea if he's the type who runs out of money before the end of the month. At least the OP can retain a degree of control until she dumps him.

You currently have a small mortgage yet you seem open to getting into further debt with a man who runs out of money midway through the month then blames you for it. Jeez. Please be careful, OP. And maybe stop kissing him while you're at it.

And he looked at me like he hated me.

He does hate you. You don't like him much either. Do you really want to live like this?

You are passive aggressive and he is taking the piss. You need to change your approach - stop hiding your anger and then making snide remarks and stop paying for joint expenses to cover his laziness/stinginess. Use your anger properly to have discussions with him and hold him to account.