Being spoken to disrespectfully in front of DHs mum

What is this man bringing to your life!?! NoNot

What a delightful specimen of a wanker you have chosen to spend your life with. Maybe it’s time to re-assess your life choices?

The problem with him drinking milk out of the bottle isn't that you are sharing germs as if you were kissing. It's that he is inoculating the milk in the bottle with bacteria. It will then sit in the refrigerator and the bacteria will multiply (albeit more slowly than if it were kept at room temperature) and that is gross, makes the milk go "off" more quickly, and could make you all sick.

The bacteria that live in your mouth are constantly being kept in check by your immune system. The bacteria in the milk in the refrigerator are not.

You said this:

"I am saying the milk comment should never have happened in the first place: none of that would be an issue."

No mention that the DH shouldn't have spoken as he did

If he has a good amount of money coming in he needs to pay more than £100 to pay his debts off. He needs to be paying more into the household. He needs to be paying more in and spending less on his hobby. Pay debts off and then don't overspend should be what he needs to be doing. I hope you can get him to agree OP. Wishing you all the best .He also needs to repay you on his next payday for the presents that you got for your DC. The month after that he can repay you for expenses with ref to the wedding you went to. He needs to be better at managing his money.

He sounds like my brother, who is a financially and emotionally manipulative narcissist. He wore down my sister in law until she believes his debts were her fault.

He sounds awful, you'd be better off (financially and emotionally) without him.

Why would she do it at the wedding?

The suggestion was to do it after the mother left.

The OP has posted for feedback. People are giving it: that's how forums work. She is perfectly and absolutely free to express herself however she wishes.

"I am telling her" "She should"

How about OP can express herself as she pleases.

OP chose not to make an issue at a wedding...that's common decency.

What exactly does he bring to the relationship? - Apart from debt.

Absolutely.

Drinking directly from a bottle or carton that others in the household have to share is disgusting. Sharing other bodily fluids is voluntary and there’s no way I’d be voluntarily putting milk in my coffee that contains someone else’s’ spit.

I don’t think he should be speaking to you like he did at all so that’s one problem. But it also sounds like the split is unequal. Your income seems to be 65% of all income so I’d maybe look at trying to add all bills and shared expenses (food, childcare etc) and work out the total then you pay 65% and he pay 35%. Clearly he’s got an issue budgeting but if it’s split more fairly you might find he has to contribute to the basics more than he does currently. Just an idea x

You obviously have relationship issues that need working through but I think the milk comment was an unnecessary passive aggressive dig. My husband and I share drinks all the time, granted there is no one else drinking them but I cant see the issue with sharing with someone you have shared bodily fluids with 😬 But yes, the money issues, being aggressive and disrespectful are a problem. You may think you havent mentioned the money problems but he is clearly getting the vibes from you. Its probably time to sit down and talk this through properly as you both seem to be feeling resentful 😔

If you really want to stay with him (and it’s very hard to see why you would) then you need to have the drains up on his finances. I agree with PPs that he is likely to be hiding something. If he’s not then he’s spending like a single man. That needs to stop.

Otherwise, put your house up for sale and use your savings to buy a smaller place for you and DD. He can live with his mum and drink from her milk cartons.

As a complete side point - as the main issue is that this guy is complete cock - because he’ll be too stupid to understand this from GCSE biology: the amylase enzyme in his saliva starts breaking down the milk so the milk will spoil much more quickly if he’s drinking straight from the carton. It’s got nothing to do with you being precious because you exchange saliva when you kiss. but like I say that’s a side point. I’ve only ever seen someone drink from the milk carton on tv. I didn’t realise there were real life losers who did this then throw a tantrum when they’re called out on in.

Jesus, ditch the leech. I wouldn’t move to a bigger house you will need more money to buy him out of.

I don’t think he’s lost his job - OP talks about the possibility of him getting a new job, which sounds like he’s already employed but there’s a need to improve his earnings.

You get some water if you need a drink, you don't down from the milk carton. 🤢 You deserve so much better than this.

The comments grinding you on the milk comment are mad. A grown ass man is drinking out of a milk carton serving the rest of the family and any visitors. Thats disgusting. Seems like you aren’t on the same page re priorities and it’s making you both resentful of the other. You need to work on finding a compromise or accept that you’re not right for each other.

Are you being precious? I'd say you're not being precious enough!

Are you not also worried about your child hearing the way he speaks to you? Letting them learn that this is okay?

You need to value yourself a lot more here OP. He shouldn't be speaking to you like this at all, not just not when someone else might be listening.

He doesn't pay the same as you! You earn £3k per month and he earns half that but he ends up with more spending money. Does he contribute to child care costs or does it only come out of your money?

He sounds like an arsehole and you'd probably be better off without him, financially and emotionally. He comes across as like a pretty nasty waste of space.

He’s right he does sound selfish and disgusting. He’s also treating you very badly and your child will be picking up on this too.
You are putting up with way more than I would - if he’s not bothered about earning enough and treating you with respect then I would seriously rethink the relationship and his future in it.
Perhaps you’d be better off without him as a spouse - I honestly think you’d be happier.

When a man looks at you like he hates you, it’s usually because he hates you.

you need to get you and DC out of there, you’re his meal ticket. Why on earth would he go on holiday with no money? What was he expecting would happen?

He's angry with himself because he's failing at life hence the lashing out, you're being extremely accomodating so he disrespects you, firmly let him know that if he doesn't change his behaviour you're serving him with divorce papers.

There’s no point trying to sugar coat this. Your life will continue to be shit all the time you stay with him.

Either break up and get your self respect back and your money or accept that nothing will improve whilst he’s allowed to leech off you.