To struggle so much with my kids playing

I hate mess but I also think there is an element of letting go. I have several boxes in each room where toys are just thrown in. Then drawing/painting/play doh etc is kept out of reach and they have to ask for that.

I try to get them to put everything away after each activity but it essentially means me tidying and them helping (and generally me getting annoyed). Getting them to do it themselves entirely has not been remotely successful. I never managed to make tidying up 'fun' but I guess that's because it's not fun!

Two things. First, I think there is a difference between toys everywhere and lids off playdough. Toys everywhere is going to happen. Playdough will go hard if the lid’s left off and make a right mess on the carpet. Anything like that needs put into a place where they can’t reach it alone. It is played with under supervision in a location of your choice.

Secondly, are you trying to tidy up nicely sorted toys? Just whack them all in one big toy box in each room. Kids can then help before being fed, which tends to increase the motivation to help! Or at bedtime.

We let them play and then set a 10-minute timer at the end of the day – mine are slightly younger than yours but they love it when we rush around going crazy about needing to tidy up with them! It does require a burst of energy at the end of the day but it’s fun for them, saves us nagging them throughout the day and results in a tidy house. I know that doesn’t help the stress but at least it’ll be tidy for the evening! I also recall reading that mess made in play is good for their development, so I reassure myself with that. And it’s totally normal if irritating.

I'm sure you already use these but there are tidy up songs you can play, or do challenges like

For 3yo: here's the empty toy trolley, fill it with toy food from around the house
For 5yo: here's a compartmentalised tray, organise the stationery into it and I'll take a photo when it's perfect

AhI can’t vote on this because to an extent that’s childhood - you just have to learn to live with it while they are small.

But even though it feels futile, your time invested in teaching them to tidy up will pay dividends later even though it doesn’t save time now.

Also for the toy kitchen and toy cars or train sets or bricks, I recommend ikea storage boxes. We have a series of smart hessian style boxes that slide onto a shelf under our coffee table. It means we can quickly get the “adult space” back. You can’t expect the kids to put everything back on shelves, but they can pick things up off the floor and pop them in a box. Then every now and again you will have to go through the boxes and sort out the random bits that have got in there by mistake.

And don’t worry - by the time they are 7 you can have them addicted to screens and Minecraft and they won’t need their toys… (kidding)

I really wish I'd done resets with my kids when they were younger - I used to let them trash the house and then do a big, exhausting tidy up on my own later in the day. That didn't teach them well.

What I would do if I had young kids now is allow them to play with their toys but then do a timed reset with them involved - set the timer for ten minutes, involve them in it and make it quite fun. That would get some sort or order (even if you have to re-jig things a bit after they've gone to bed to get it how you want it).

IMO there’s just an element of having to let go. Mind are a similar age and periodically we will go round and tidy up toys during the day, other times in the evening. But often big things will stay out for a few days, I have a vet station under the window with loads of toys in baskets/ hospital beds, a train track going in and out of the coffee table and a huge castle made from magnatiles that they’re playing with the sylvanians in. These bigger things are usually added to and played with differently as time goes on.
I love a show house but it’s important for them to have some things around they have been playing with rather than dumping everything back in a basket and ending the play at bedtime.
But things like play doh, painting etc would all only be taken out for a specific activity and then put back away.

We go out a lot, helps the level of chaos in the house.

Otherwise I just accept I’m going to tidy up at the end of the day, and don’t follow them round trying to maintain some semblance of orderliness.

Solidarity. I try to have a tidy up time at the end of the day so 10-15 minutes of me telling them what to do. Then TV while I do the bits they can't.

It's a combination of getting them to do some tidying, and doing something like listening to a good audiobook while you tidy after bedtime so it still counts as "you time".

Even 2yos at nursery tidy up. The key is having an obvious place for everything so they know where to put it.

I was amazed recently when I picked up ds at lunchtime (his nursery doesn't do half days). The 2yos were all emptying their plates into a waste bucket, and putting the empty plates and cups into another bucket, then putting their name/allergy placemats into another tray. Not a single kid was whining about having to do it, it was just a routine.

The toy kitchen is a good start because everything toy kitchen related obviously goes there. After that, have a big box for soft toys, and some plastic trays for craft items.

It's frustrating when the toys end up all round the house and mixed up! Personally I love a garden day, as they drag everything out the garage but it is easy to put away i.e. no sorting. Toys like playdough are out of reach and they have to ask and do it at the table. I realise that doesn't solve the issue of short attention spans and wandering off after 5 mins!

I would consider putting away some of the toys with lots of little pieces for a while.

Persevere at getting them to tidy up, despite it being more work than doing it yourself. EVENTUALLY they will get better at it and by 6 or 7, you'll be able to tell them to pick up their toys and they'll do 90% unaided.

Take the long view.

Have you tried toy baskets in each room? So you just pop things in the nearest basket when you come across them, rather than trying to do a proper tidy up.

How old are they?