AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

That is exactly what I am on about!

he could have worked harder he tried his best

Which half of this sentence is true, because they can't both be.

I've known a couple of real clunkers of teachers who moved from the state system to private schools in Edinburgh.

One had been allowed to remain as a probationer for several years before finally losing their GTCS registration. The other was a pretty poor linguist who had finally been caught out.

I recall my surprise when I discovered that one of our Learning Support teachers was earning extra cash by tutoring pupils who attended a well-known school for gals in Edinburgh. They were failing Higher English, apparently - in spite of small class sizes and all the other benefits of being in a private school.

We actually provided extra tutoring for Higher English pupils in our state secondary - no payment required. (Mind you, we were doing it on a voluntary basis: the school wasn't giving us overtime.)

State schools are more realistic though.

DS wasn’t predicted what he wanted and the teachers at his state school stuck to their predictions but when they started yr 13 and they all took assessments his predicted grade increased based on that.
His results were the same as predicted apart from one subject which meant he only got into his insurance. 2 A stars in Maths and FM, A in Physics and a B in Chemistry. He was quite lazy though and did everything last minute. Silly boy.

After a while, when I realised that it is not better than a state school, i did not withdraw because of the atmosphere, manners, Latin, discipline, surroundings. I myself was state school, so not familiar with private schools at all and I thought that tuition would be better, which was not the case.

Your family has spent an enormous amount of money sending your child to private school trying to gain an unfair advantage for your child.

It didn’t pay off. Universities have finally realised that the way to get the most talented children is to take account of the fact there is an advantage to going to a private school.

Take heart OP. He’s still got a lot of the unfair advantages you bought for him and will still go to an excellent Uni, probably above children who worked harder and had more natural talent, as you wanted.

Wasn't it supposed to be the only school in the UK for magical children? No mention of a middle class of wizard families earning too much for bursaries but not enough to pay fees!

They were on a bursary, silly!

So I grew up in the centre of Oxford. Very close to the unis. Still live there - well, on the outskirts now. Couldn't afford a house in Oxford!

Ive met 1000 of Oxford students and Oxford Brooks students (in pubs, clubs, just around - i never want to the uni)

...and i can confirm not one of them said 'i go to Oxford brookes' they just say Oxford 😅

Pretty sure Hogwarts was free, no way the Weasleys could have afforded fees for 5 kids.

State schools over predict as well. They aren't clueless martyrs.

I use the word ‘toff!’

It is a very good point, actually. I never ever considered Oxford or Cambridge because nobody at my school considered it when I was a pupil. Like it was not even an option to entertain, yet my friends and I applied and got to universities of our choice and were thrilled, it was that we never thought we could apply. To us it would have been the same as applying to the Bologna or Sorbonne - out of our reach!

I don’t know if it is the same now but in the past Oxford Brookes had a quite a few of rejected Oxford University applicants They got to study in Oxford and parents could say their child was in Oxford studying

If he's set on the resit year, how about doing another A-level in a year so that he will take 3 A-levels again next Summer? A science probably wouldn't be possible because of the practical work, nor literature because of the reading, but maybe English Language/ Politics/ Business/ RS?

I was privately educated until I was 16 and whilst I was never a candidate for Oxbridge I do have some experience of the universities as a working adult. You are wrong, very wrong if you think you aren’t privileged. You’re not rich because family money paid for your children’s private education? That is something only rich people say. Offers depend on many things - interview performance is a mega one. If your son was good but not great at interview they may have upped his offer based on that.

You cannot buy an Oxbridge place. Times have changed now and the universities recognise the games parents try to play. Fortunately most families who pay for private education do so because of the experience and are smart enough to recognise that it is a guarantee of nothing. As parents we can only do our best to give children the tools they need - some parents can afford more expensive tools than others - the rest is up to the children.

Around 30% of Oxbridge undergrads are privately educated but privately educated children only make up 7% of the population, so your argument that your son is being “discriminated” against just doesn’t hold weight. My GCSE maths class had 6 other children in it, in some state schools it’s a class of 25 on average. It doesn’t take a genius to understand why children at private schools get better grades. I struggled with maths at GCSE, really struggled, but put the work in and was proud of my C. Would I have got that at a state school, possibly not. Hard for you to hear perhaps but your son simply may not have achieved AAA at a state school.

My best friend at school got 5 As at A level - due to changing her mind about what subject she wanted to study at university so did another year at a private sixth form - she was one of the most academically minded out of our group. She got into Oxford on her first attempt and did eventually get through it but she really struggled and had to retake a year.

I know several people who were rejected from Oxbridge and resat and none of them were successful the second time round.

So think carefully if Oxbridge is right for your son. With AAA your son has the world at his feet and his whole future ahead of him. It’s a shame you’re choosing to focus on the fact he didn’t get into Oxford rather than celebrate his fantastic grades and enviable Durham offer.

Absolutely not, that is not what I meant.

dd is just starting to look in to unis and I think many don’t accept grades achieved in different years. You have to get them all at the same time, it shows how you work under pressure/time constraints. Being able to spread them out over different years would be too great an advantage over dc who can’t do that.

No, I feel a right clever clogs to pay all that money so my dc went to what a standard UK school would have looked like in the 1940s or 1950s, amazing atmosphere, impeccable manners, no adults pretending to be school children in the same class, all in all, pure joy. It literally was like going to Hogwarts on a budget.

Mine's just done A levels as well. He missed big chunks of schooling due to Covid, because he couldn't access remote learning, had 6 weeks off in isolation when they did go back, which he had to spend in a two bed innercity/town centre flat in the first decile, with no access to outside space at all, missed a lot of school because of his disability (4 day week for three to four years) and suffered a bereavement (last grandparent) raised by a disabled single parent and suffered significant trauma as a child due to DV. He has been asked if he is the local dealer, there's a murder every couple of years within half a mile, shootings near his school and dad's and on his dad's local shopping street, several stabbings and muggings at knife point, all within half a mile. He was more bothered about how his dad was packing the shopping than the person with the knife getting chased through the supermarket.

One department at school had all but one teacher off on maternity leave/sick so a patchwork of fill in teachers.

Too right life is not fair. We all want the best for our children. We don't all get it.

Yes you are upset and disappointed, and it's hard to see that you are at an advantage when it's your normal. But you really are.

Mine's lucky he has not had to move house, though his dad has twice during secondary, and he's had enough money for food and clothes and a couple of cheapish sports clubs. (£5/ week, £2/ session)

Really curious if he visited Durham open and offer day? He’d have very much been there with his type of crowd. Large percentage from private schools and lots who are Oxbridge rejects, it’s one of things it’s known for - the students joke about it which one were you rejected by type thing.
So strange to have chosen an insurance he hated.

I wonder if op is not actually referring to a formal contextual offer but perhaps admissions tutors err a little higher for private pupils than state pupils.

Kids from private schools routinely score higher grades at gcse and a level , they have smaller classes, acces to extra curricular activities and alumni that state schools just dont have. My 3 neices attended private school and during lock down had full online lessons every day, since day 1, my state school child was barely set any work for months.

What on earth made you think it was worth paying then?

Your posts are full of contradictions. He’s hardworking but admits he could have worked harder.
It’s a real gamble resitting. All his peers have moved on. Having exciting times at uni or gap year.
He’s an oddity stuck in with year below.
He’s about to turn 18 later this month and the world that opens up then. He’s discovers he likes going out or gets a gf and his yes mum I’ll work really hard soon wanes.
If he’s rejected Durham the place is gone (hopefully in clearing to someone who really wanted it)