AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

He only did 3 A-levels including maths and further maths? that won[t have helped. Further maths is usually a fourth A-level.

I don't see these responses as class hatred, just frustration at the lack of understanding that an A for a kid who has been cosseted and lavished with time, support and money all their lives is not the same as an A achieved by a child from a low income or difficult background - who may have had to spend a lot of their non school time caring or working.

I live in a fairly deprived part of London and every exam season there are kids in the library all day because they don't have access to a computer to type their course work and may not even have a quiet place or table at home to study.

It’s a shame for him, but he sounds incredibly cocky! Why was he allowed to put an insurance choice he didn’t want? Who let that happen? Does he not take advice from parents/teachers very well?

All the little quotes he’s said that you’re passing on, just make him sound sanctimonious tbh. I agree, not getting in is the best thing that could have happened to him, and going to other less ‘up their own arses’ university’s would be another best thing.

My cousin’s child got all top grades from state school and still didn’t get a place at Oxford in a male dominated field. Getting into these top unis should never be seen as a done deal, by anyone!

OP you need to just take a breath.

He got Astar A A if I'm reading that correctly. Just move on and go to Durham. It will be perfectly nice. Like someone says, we fetishise Oxbridge and there's no good reason for it anymore. The maths course at Durham will certainly be challenging. There are thousands of kids rejected from Oxbridge having a great time / doing tough, valuable degrees elsewhere.

My DD got 3 A stars, has a grade 8 music, did other stuff etc and didn't even get an Oxford interview. She didn't give a shit, she just chose her favourite from the other offers and said that she would be a successful person anyway. Her school suggested that she reapply with the 3 A stars in hand, but she said no, she's going to uni elsewhere.

The admissions process is dodgy AF anyway. My DD knew someone who applied for the same course and college as her. DD scored better in the entrance exam. But the other kid got an interview and DD didn't. DD had 3A stars and 9x9 at GCSE so no grades for them to dislike.

Just move forwards. It's just a degree that takes 3 or 4 years. Oxford is not a branding on your soul that says you're the elite of the world. Some of the students there think that it is and then they are quite shocked when employers don't share that opinion.

Maybe you'll feel happier OP if you know that our child's friend did not get their Cambridge place despite getting 4 A*s, being state-educated, one parent is an alcoholic and neither parent speak English as their first language.

I went to Oxford before contextual offers and before A*s. Both of these things probably would have prevented me and honestly, that would have been for the best 😅

At our local secondary, which is actually highly rated and you can expect to pay an extra £100,000 on your house price to live in the catchment, only 54% of children achieve Nat5 Maths (we’re in Scotlabd, kind of like GCSE) and that’s not an A, that’s a pass! At our private school it’s 98%. The school plays a huge difference in children sitting the same exam. Everything from disruption, teaching, physical space, homework expectations, exam prep, the environment pre-exam, all of it is weighted in the private school’s favour.

OMG love, check your privilege!

Your DS got those grades despite going to a great private school. The reality is there are kids coming out of our local state sixth form with 5 A stars. Plenty of whom are the children of recent immigrants who came here with nothing but an astounding work ethic.

I actually don't know one child who got into Oxbridge without all top grades and something special about them (eg they sing for the national youth orchestra, are a champion hurdler, or have set up a charity). So to insinuate that your child hasn't got in because kids are getting in with AAB or something is just plain wrong.

They made him an offer based on his circumstances. His circumstances being that he's been privately educated in smaller classes with every resource available. That's what you pay for.
Presumably there are a certain number of places on the course.
If they give him a place when he didn't get the grades, which student do you suggest should be rejected so that he can have a place on the course?
There are plenty of posters saying it's a contract. It is. Except he didn't get the grades for his side of the contract. It's unfortunate. I'm sure he's worked hard. But that's life. To say it's discrimination is ridiculous.

Exactly, those who live in their “nice” school bubbles have no idea how challenging some state schools can be.

In ds’s school only 3 kids out of 200+ got 5 As for their Highers (Scotland). The school celebrated them because it was so unusual for as many as 3 pupils to achieve that. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Those kids that achieve their contextual offers despite years of trying to learn in challenging environments that grind many young people down absolutely deserve their uni places.

I recognise my undeserved and unearned privilege daily, I refer to it as such - a gift from God, and tell my dc the same. I probably overdid it too, as I feel my dc attitude to it through their embarrassment and concealment of private schooling.

Op do you not understand that if he gets an a star second time around it isn’t looked at in the same way as if he’d got it first time round alongside his other subjects?
This is key. It’s not the same as a first time a star. Of course it’s easier to get a grade higher second time around when not doing 2 or 3 other subjects, surely that is obvious.
if he didn’t get the grades first time then he’s not Oxford material.
I’d also be concerned that his school has given him poor advice regarding his university choices and has now led to the situation you are in. I’d be disappointed spending ££ on this school to now be here.

Durham sounds like it would have been a great fit.
There’s no guarantee of an offer from any uni this year.
Edinburgh is competitive.
You post comes across as oh he’ll just about suck up going to Edinburgh if he must.
Your comment we didn’t take him to the open day makes him sound very young for his age. If he’d wanted to go he could have got train or flown up even if you couldn’t go.
One advantage of a gap year is they can visit friends at unis and get a good feel. I bet loads from his school are at Edinburgh, Exeter, Durham, St Andrews etc.

No it was her ranting re contextual offers which Oxford doesn’t even do. She has owned it though ,recognised her privilege and started a new thread. Maybe you should recognise your privilege.

Well it cuts both ways doesn’t it with the “we value education so are going private” comments which I have had said to me a few times!

Though agree it’s extremely rude to comment on others choices those people you quote sound absolutely horrendous! Hope they are out of your own and children’s lives now.

I think the OP slipped up big time by mentioning private school, that is why all the heckles went up and that is why there is so much joy in many posters' comments when they say 'he did not make the grade', 'don't resit', 'oxbridge is not for you'. I learnt about class hatred at school (second Russian revolution) but only came across it in real life when dc went private. It was such an eye opener, I was amazed - and the most surprising thing was that our minor day school would have been totally affordable to those who envied most, had they done what we did - used the money which could have bought a move to a better area or house improvements, or frequent foreign holidays, for/on school fees. How they were looking forward to our dc failure! And I will always remember their concern 'with your unpredictable income, is it prudent to place your child in a private school from reception - you may have to withdraw when you can't make the fees later on and it will be devastating, devastating - have you thought of that?'

Honestly most people at Durham, Edinburgh, UCL will have three A stars or at least a bunch of A stars and As. Your son won’t feel like the class is moving slowly.
These days for grad schemes much better to get 2.1 or 1st - and they wont be handed on a plate - from those institutions than a 2.2 or third from Oxbridge.

Oxford officially accepts applicants with resits, but they state that candidates who need retakes are generally less competitive unless severe extenuating circumstances affected the first sitting. That does not fit the op’s son and really he shouldn’t be going there at all if he didn’t manage to get the grades first time round with the huge advantage of a private education.

You tried to buy him an advantage over our kids and are now salty that it didn’t work. A hard lesson that money doesn’t always triumph.

Resitting would be idiotic. A×,A,A is a brilliant set of results, to be proud of, opening many doors. There are excellent top-tier universities who will snap him up and set him on the path for an excellent career.

These grades are equivalent to 152 UCAS points which is achieved by about 12% of the cohort (about 38,000 people per year) - there is no shame in that. It shows intelligence and capability and he has every chance of getting a first class degree in the right course. About 4-5% (13000-14000 individuals) manage 160 UCAS points (2 A× and one A) and about 2.5% (about 8000 individuals) get 168 points which is the maxiumum you can get (3 A×) as even if you take more than 3 A-Levels, only the top 3 grades are counted)

Oxford and Cambridge between them admit around 7000 new undergraduates each year - not all of whom from the UK so not all selected from these cohorts. So there aren't even enough places for every single 168-UCAS-point candidate to get a place. They really won't be interested in reconsidering someone who moves up from 152 points to 160 points after a resit but if they did, he would not thrive, and would probably just be a below-average student in that context and get a 2:2 degree.

Your family are fettishising Oxford to an unhealthy extent. It's not even the most highly-ranked place to study in many subjects but any of the top 10/top15 universities for the subject your DS wants to study would be absolutely fine and probably a healthier environment for him than Oxford. Oxford doesn't have a high drop-out rate because they have got very good at selecting the people that will thrive, but it does still go wrong sometimes and about 35 students a year break under the strain of the first year - and that can include people who got those top 168-UCAS-point results first time around. It's much better to be among the top performing students at a top 10 non-Oxbridge university than it is to feel like the worst student among a cohort of geniuses.

I know a lot of ordinary, state school kids, some from very disadvantaged families and couldn’t name a single one that were offered a contextual offer.
They're certainly not as common as you seem to think. Having your son re-sit with those grades seems a bit mad, no guarantee that he’ll do any better OR that he’ll get in to Oxbridge anyway

OP if you aren’t happy with the service you bought from your private school/business then you should really take it up with them.

Ok if this is actually a genuine post then god help him if he gets into Oxford second time round and then hates it. I think you should let it go to be honest.

@ThatQuickLilacOrca
I think someone has either told you incorrect information or you've been riled up by online nonsense (or papers Luke the telegraph who really should no better). Going to a state school does not guarantee you a contextual offer. It really really doesn't. Admissions use very strict criteria in including things like the POLAR and ACORN tools (socio economic mapping tools that go down to the level of specific postcode) alongside proof (for example) that the pupil would be the first in the family to attend uni.
All unis including oxbridge are free to make different offers to different students...In reality oxbridge, LSE etc can pick and choose and set the bar very high. Bluntly many many kids will get A's and A stars (read the stats). He did really well to get offered a place. But he didn't get what was needed.
He would have been in a prime spot to secure something great in clearing but clearly that moment has passed.
Please don't blame all if this interesting decision making on unfair contextual offers because that just garbage and that attitude won't endear your son to admission tutors or graduate recruiters (many of us are state school educated after all, plus it betrays a lack of critical thinking).

Always find this such an odd thing to say…
Do you think people who don’t send their children to private school don’t want the best for their children?

I teach in a state school. Don’t worry, NONE of our students got into Oxbridge.