AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

I didn’t think grammar schools were eligible for contextual offers? It’s disappointing for your DS, but Durham is a superb university which is stuffed full of private school kids who missed out on Oxbridge. My own DS is going in to Y13 at private school and will be including Oxford, Durham and Warwick on his UCAS. He knows Oxford is a long shot and whilst he’d love to go, would also be happy at Durham or Warwick. He has a maximum of 10 kids in his A-level classes and has had huge amounts of input into his personal statement from school. If he can’t quite get the grades/offers with all the support he’s had, then that’s a reflection on him.

I only went to a state school, so no doubt I’m a bit hard of understanding, but if your son didn’t get the grades he needed, how is that discrimination?
My son wanted to go to Imperial, but he didn’t get the extra A* he needed ( from a state school) so he went somewhere else. That is what insurance offers are for. I’m not sure what the problem is, OP.

It isn't private vs state. Contextual offers don't work like that. It is specific schools, specific postcodes or specific circumstances.

All the replies you’ve had have been spot on. I hope you’re listening, OP?
Despite huge advantages, your son didn’t quite make the cut for Oxford. It’s not a catastrophe. It’s not the end of the world. Like many sixth formers, your son has made the very silly decision to insure an offer that he didn’t actually want. What you need to do know is to find him a place that he actually DOES want - you mentioned Edinburgh?
The last thing in the whole wide world he should be doing is going back to school to resit on a mission to prove himself to Oxford. Forget all the discrimination nonsense and support your disappointed son to find his path. His disappointment is not a trigger for you to start resenting contextual offers. The shitty education offer at comprehensives is not your business - because you bought yourself out of the system. Your business is your son and his next steps.

My high school boyfriend got into Oxford and our fairly sensible English teacher asked why he wanted to go, given it was so far away. No one ever discussed Oxford or Cambridge applications with me or my siblings at school, despite us all having literally perfect grades. The idea that you might aspire to go to a top university was not even a thought. That's what state school children are up against.

Your son missed his grade. Simple .
he had all the advantage of his private education but still he dropped a grade and the uni said no /try again.

Take durham. He will be alongside tonnes off "just missed oxbridge" .

Stop complaining.
You Do not understand contextual offers at all.

Yeah I’m from Edinburgh, and went to Edinburgh Uni, and it was massively full of privately schooled Oxbridge reject toffs.

The unis are cracking down on it, I was thinking of shifting my dc to a state school before applying to uni and was told they would look back at all school years, to check. So they are checking.

You presumably understand that it’s often harder for kids at state schools to achieve top grades as they have fewer opportunities than kids in independent schools. You can’t believe that state schools offer the same standard of education otherwise you’d have sent your child there. As such, top grades from state schools are generally more impressive than from private schools.

Kids from independent schools being discriminated against is bollocks. Look at the statistics for university students and what schools they come from. Privately educated kids are vastly over-represented.

YABU and ridiculous

There is no “discrimination against private schools” as even the majority of state school pupils don’t qualify for contextual offers.

The idea behind them is that kids disadvantaged by life circumstances will be on a more level playing field.

I certainly wouldn’t be going on about resits, he can go to another university. The world doesn’t begin and end with Oxbridge

Rotten for your son & any young person who has missed their grades this year. A levels are such a slog.
From my understanding Oxford & Cambridge look at where you take your GCSEs, so moving from a private school to state for A levels wouldn't benefit an apllicant in any way.

Oxford & Cambridge don't give contextual offers, if you miss grades they may decide to accept you or not - each college being a separate self governing entity, this is at their discretion.

At my dds school some girls applying to Cambridge for the same course were given differing offers ie A star in degree subject V A star in any taken A level, but as far as I know Oxford is AAA for humanities & various for STEM - but the important thing is all prospective undergrads are given the exact same offer. This is stated on their website - if a college then lets you in with a slipped grade is up to them.

I wish your son the very best for the future - what a cracking set of results he has.

My DD got exactly the same grades as your son OP but she had the misfortune to attend a failing local comprehensive. We live in a very rural location so there's no other option. Luckily her uni of choice offered her reduced grades, but she didn't need them.

I think it's really important that kids like my daughter get the same opportunities as rich city people

“Gaming the system’ also includes sending your kids to private school where they get more teaching than those at state school.

I say this as a parent who has used both versions.

I think this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children

pretty offensive- most parents want that, not all of them can afford to send their children to private school

Your friend’s son is very unlikely to have got a “contextual” offer - leaving an independent school for a grammar sixth form won’t flag up any contextual bells at all. They can see where you did your GCSEs. He may have come across better at interview, been interviewed / considered by a different college - it’s quite a lottery as there are so many students with tip top grades and things to offer. Your friend messaging you is unfair and irrelevant.

Contextual offers are if you have been at a school who rarely gets anyone into Oxbridge or similar - for the bulk of your schooling. Not just a sixth form switch.

My kids were at a normal state comprehensive and then at a fully comprehensive sixth form college - not at all selective. If it makes you feel any better, despite many of the sixth formers applying to Oxbridge and coming out with excellent a star grades, I think I only heard of one of two getting offers out of about 1000 this year. One of my sons friends was at a comprehensive school where only 40% of the students passed their GCSEs yet he came out with loads of 9s and a stars at a level. His 9s and a stars were going to be much harder for him to achieve than a child at a school where loads of his classmates are doing similarly. Think of the classroom disruption, peer influence.

I’m really sorry your son is disappointed but there are far fewer places at Oxbridge than there are wonderful students who could take those places up.

The world isn’t fair, no. But you paid for your child’s education, so you knew this. You paid for an advantage, not a guarantee, btw. And now you’re angry with state school kids who performed exceptionally well? Wise up.

I wouldn't presume to tell you what you should do, but I will share my own experience. I was in a similar position after A levels. My grades were ok, but not good enough for my first choice university. I really didn't want to go to my insurance choice of university and did seriously think about taking resits and reapplying. However in the end I chose to go to the insurance offer university. It was the best thing I could have done. I was incredibly happy there, loved my course, ended up loving the university. I don't regret a thing.

“when you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression"

I'm sorry OP but your son failed to get the results that he was required to get for that particular course at Oxford. It's not relevant what other candidates were offered.
Your son has got great results, and Durham is hardly a poor university. I'd suggest you treat this as a life lesson (for both you and your son) about coping with disappointment and moving on.

Why did you send him to a private school?

Agree with this and the other PPs.

I know youre annoyed at those that "gamed the system" OP but sadly there will always be a game and there will always be players who game it...

This seems like a terrible waste of a year. Why not just take a gap year and do something interesting with it.

I thought that Edinburgh uni was full of toffs

If he had gone to a typical comp he would not have got the coaching for the Oxford application (entrance exams, ps or interview). If had gone to schools that call themselves comp but are highly selective for sixth form and have a team of Oxbridge experts then that is another issue.
My DD benefitted from the widening access to a Russell group university because of school and postcode - reduced grade offer and a non-means tested bursary - she doesn't really count as needing this but the uni created the system.