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Original poster

AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

341 replies

ThatQuickLilacOrca · 16/08/2026 22:25

Results Day last Thursday and son is beyond devastated. This experience has made us realise that there’s so much discrimination on children who have attended private school. We are not wealthy at all, DHs parents have helped us pay for our three children’s education. DH and I have normal jobs I work in the civil service and DH works in policy side of things for network rail.

Anyway I am saying this because of contextual offers why can’t everyone just get the same offer based on merit. Our son had an oxford offer he missed that he got AAA instead of his offer which was A A A now he cannot go to his dream university he was rejected as he missed the offer. He is planning to resit further maths again in hopes of getting an A and we will support him with that it’s just quite sad but he’ll get over it he’ll apply again for next year the school has been ever so supportive.

He overachieved on his offer yet there’s kids getting in with less grades than him just because of the schools they go to. We did initially think for him to go to grammar school for sixth form as we have friends who’s children left independently school for sixth form for grammar schools to get lower offers for Oxbridge and one of them messaged me saying “I told you so” as her son got into Oxford for the exact same course he was just given a lower offer. I am so annoyed

I guess this is a lesson for my son he has realised the world isn’t fair and it’s quite a motivator for him. He’s a hardworking boy, he has spent some is his summer in South America teaching maths, he went to a maths competition in America this summer too, this is a very dedicated boy we have spoken to the university but they wrong budge they’re willing for him to resit and reapply next year.

I think contextual offers should only really be for young carers, children who have been in foster care, children with disabilities etc not just because of your address and the school you go to that is very unfair. Most parents at Indys are catching onto this lots are sending their children to grammar schools/state schools so they get lower offers. It’s an awful system that we have in this country. I’m so hurt for him but I know this will motivate him. He’s our eldest and we were looking forward to dropping him off at Oxford not Durham, he out Durham as his insurance he never wanted to go there! They did accept him but what’s the point, he was so upset when he logged into UCAS to see that and some is my friends advice was that he should just go to Durham why should he go to a university he doesn’t want to to. He put them as insurance because it’s the smart thing to do but deep down he always thought he’d get into Oxford. He still went out and celebrated his friends but he’ll be back to school in September, he’s looking forward to visiting his friends that are going to university and he’s recently got a part time job at an art gallery and he’s loving it so at least he’s got an extra year to enjoy that.

Sorry for the rant. Any parent just wants their son to be happy he’ll get over it in a couple of weeks as his application needs to be in by Oct so we will have to just see how this round goes he’s willing to give it one more shot.

OP posts:
miffedatsea · 16/08/2026 23:09

Our postcode means my DCs will get contextual offers. We are a coastal community in one of the most deprived areas of the country. Teacher recruitment and retention here is tough. We also don’t have a lot of easy access to extra curriculum activity as sometimes it literally feels we are at the end of the line. To get to the nearest large town/city is a 30 min drive/train or hour by bus. For our young people, contextual offers are a lifeline and a real chance to improve their circumstances - so no, they’re not unfair. But if parents are moving children out of independent into state for sixth form, that I question - similar to getting baptised purely to get into a catholic school

StinkyWizzleteets · 16/08/2026 23:08

ThatQuickLilacOrca · 16/08/2026 22:32

I think this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children. We aren’t toffs or whatever we went to Edinburgh and had a great time. Our son is now also considering Edinburgh we didn’t take him to the open day, we recently went to Edinburgh and he loved it so this time round he will put them as his insurance as he wouldn’t mind going there.

It is a shit system when parents can game the system and it’s wholly unfair for children who actually need contextual offers. We know other parents who are very wealthy and they sent their children to state schools for sixth form for this exact reason so it’s not exactly a fair system anyway. DH and I didn’t think to do that as we know what our son is capable of achieving. He didn’t achieve the offer grades so I understand Oxford’s decision I’m just upset because I know parents who gamed the system now their children are going to Oxford and Cambridge.

You think all parents supporting their kids through post 16 education don’t want the besst
for their kids? Is that the preserve only of those who can afford to pay for private education? Is this even real? It reads like clickbait troll crap

As for not toffs cos you went to Edinburgh. Is that the same Edinburgh that was in the news for bullying working class and Scottish kids because of their accents? The same uni who were forced to bring out a guidance on how not to discriminate against the locals or act as snobs? I’m sure your little tarquin will do just fine there.

PestoPastaLife · 16/08/2026 23:08

YANBU to be annoyed by the concept of contextual offers but YABU to be shocked by the outcome. This has been the situation for 15 years at least, your friend saw it coming and so should you.

i wouldn’t bother with Durham, it’s all Oxbridge rejects feeling sore. However he should consider one of the London universities if they would take him with those grades - Imperial and LSE are just as good, if not better than Oxford for maths-related degrees. KCL and UCL also obviously excellent and London has so much more to offer students as a city than Oxford.

shineyshoess · 16/08/2026 23:08

ThatQuickLilacOrca · 16/08/2026 23:06

Why can’t he sit two of his A levels again ? It’s allowed so why not he wants to get better grades so he’s entitled for wanting to study harder and get the grades he wants. He’s worked very hard this year has been tough for him for other personal reasons losing someone affects you and I’m proud of how far he’s come his grades were amazing based on what he’s dealt with in his final year of alevels. Unis allow resits and Oxbridge aren’t so strict on it he’s not going to study medicine.

Show quote history

He can resit them ten times if he wants. It's just such a weird and odd waste of a year (or a decade). There are far more interesting ways he could spend his time

FiveShelties · 16/08/2026 23:07

I this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children

Do you not think parents who send their children to state schools want the best for their children @ThatQuickLilacOrca

Original poster
ThatQuickLilacOrca · 16/08/2026 23:07

friedaklein · 16/08/2026 23:05

Both you and your son need to stop fixating on Oxford.

DS did 4 A levels at a private school. He got 3 A stars and an A. Still didn't get into Oxford. Neither did most of his friends.

It's fine. He went to his second choice uni and enjoyed it. And then got into Cambridge for masters.

There are many paths to success and it is important to make sure your kids know that.

How did he not get into Oxford with 3 A starts if that was his offer ? Ds got through his interview. The offer is a contract that makes no sense ? If you meet the offer they take you.

OP posts:
SunnyRedSnail · 16/08/2026 23:07

@ThatQuickLilacOrca actually it's not necessarily the school. The offer is based more on the person.

If the university likes the student then they will offer lower. A friend of mine got offered 3 Es to go to Cambridgeshire. She got 3As anyway... (1990s)

I teach at a state school and a student I teach needed 3A* for Oxford which she got.

Your son has already had the privilege of a private school which offers smaller classes and more one to one time so he was already statistically much more likely to get an A* than someone from a state school.

shineyshoess · 16/08/2026 23:06

Bellie710 · 16/08/2026 23:01

I think this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children.
Maybe I am stupid here but doesn't everyone want the best for their children??

Remember that universities are not only accepting people on their grades, it sounds like you are slightly entitled and expecting more just because you paid for private school. There are lots of very clever children whose parents can't afford private school who will always supersede private school pupils.

This is a lesson for everyone, money can't buy you everything you want.

No you're being stupid it must be your state school education Wink. Parents who send their children to state school just don't give a shit about education. They could afford private school but they spent it all on sky TV and vapes. All of them Grin.

Breathein · 16/08/2026 23:06

Is this post a hoax? Surely this can’t be true? Is this a reverse

Boni96 · 16/08/2026 23:06

I’m sure the system could do with improvements but actually you sound mad (towards children with far less advantages than yours) that paying for your child’s education didn’t have the outcome you wanted.

Original poster
ThatQuickLilacOrca · 16/08/2026 23:06

Gengha · 16/08/2026 23:02

What would be the point in this farcical arrangement?

sitting the FM again on its own - in no way going to be the same as getting an A star while sitting another 2 A levels

resitting all the A levels again - eh? I mean what would be the point? What a complete waste of a year

Your son sounds quite entitled and up his own arse OP and instead of telling him to take this as a life lesson and go somewhere else you’re enabling a lot of unnecessary nonsense. Not how I’d parent but you do you.

Show quote history

Why can’t he sit two of his A levels again ? It’s allowed so why not he wants to get better grades so he’s entitled for wanting to study harder and get the grades he wants. He’s worked very hard this year has been tough for him for other personal reasons losing someone affects you and I’m proud of how far he’s come his grades were amazing based on what he’s dealt with in his final year of alevels. Unis allow resits and Oxbridge aren’t so strict on it he’s not going to study medicine.

OP posts:
friedaklein · 16/08/2026 23:05

Both you and your son need to stop fixating on Oxford.

DS did 4 A levels at a private school. He got 3 A stars and an A. Still didn't get into Oxford. Neither did most of his friends.

It's fine. He went to his second choice uni and enjoyed it. And then got into Cambridge for masters.

There are many paths to success and it is important to make sure your kids know that.

hahabahbag · 16/08/2026 23:05

By the way my DCs friend didn’t get into Oxford despite 3 a stars, state schools throughout, low income home and mixed race - we were convinced their background went against them

lifeturnsonadime · 16/08/2026 23:04

My son has a friend who is an Somalian refugee who had an offer from Oxford to read classics, she is black and a lesbian, she has had to support her parents bringing up siblings. She missed the grades by slipping a grade in 2 A Levels. Despite the college she was at advocating her excellence Oxford didn't take her and she is now happy studying in Edinburgh .

Check your privilege.

Thingsthatgo · 16/08/2026 23:04

Will Oxford accept re sits? My understanding is that generally they don’t.

Nousernameideaaga · 16/08/2026 23:04

OP your son has missed his chance for Oxford.

You all need to accept that

shineyshoess · 16/08/2026 23:03

HollyhocksandPeons · 16/08/2026 22:59

Not all private school pupils are fabulously 'advantaged', especially if we talk about day schools. In my dc minor private day school there were some children, living in such disruptive circumstances that you would not wish them on your enemy. One boy lived in a family with a violent dad, who was violent to the children and his wife. Social workers used to come to school to enquire about this boy - because his GP reported the boy's bruises to them. Another example was a girl whose grandma moved in from abroad, due to ill health and spoke no English, so this girl became her grandmother's translator, and eventually carer and because of that she missed on so much school, that there was talk of her maybe repeating a year. If I were in admissions, I would have given these two private school pupils contextual offers, no doubt.

That's true across the board, it's true in leafy comps and in public schools as well.

There's all sorts of shitty adversity that people go through but can't be contextualised. Unfortunately there's no perfect system.

Gazelda · 16/08/2026 23:03

Are the grandparents on board to pay for an extra year at independent? How fortunate for you if they are.

you should at least have the good grace to acknowledge your privilege and how spoiled/petulant your DS has become.

avilsdedvocate · 16/08/2026 23:03

Was sure this would be a reverse. Stunned..

SmashThePatriarchy · 16/08/2026 23:03

ThatQuickLilacOrca · 16/08/2026 22:32

I think this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children. We aren’t toffs or whatever we went to Edinburgh and had a great time. Our son is now also considering Edinburgh we didn’t take him to the open day, we recently went to Edinburgh and he loved it so this time round he will put them as his insurance as he wouldn’t mind going there.

It is a shit system when parents can game the system and it’s wholly unfair for children who actually need contextual offers. We know other parents who are very wealthy and they sent their children to state schools for sixth form for this exact reason so it’s not exactly a fair system anyway. DH and I didn’t think to do that as we know what our son is capable of achieving. He didn’t achieve the offer grades so I understand Oxford’s decision I’m just upset because I know parents who gamed the system now their children are going to Oxford and Cambridge.

Parents gaming the system - like wealthy parents have done for centuries. The hypocrisy.

Original poster
ThatQuickLilacOrca · 16/08/2026 23:02

WearingBeautifulShoes · 16/08/2026 22:58

As pp have said, Oxford don't give contextual offers. You are definitely not eligible for a contextual offer from anywhere purely because you go to a grammar school (and am amazed you actually believe this). FFS, tell him to go to Durham.

He’s not going to Durham why should he go to a uni he doesn’t want to go to? He’s still 17 I’m quite happy to have him home for an extra year and have extra time to spend with him. Two is his best friends are redoing to get A*s so he’ll be fine he’ll probably enjoy this academic year even more as he’s more determined.

OP posts:
Spiffingdarling88 · 16/08/2026 23:02

Normally contextual offers are for schools in deprived areas or children who have been on free school meals. Children who are in care or refugees etc.

So, your child wouldn't have necessarily got in.

They do not take every child that applies via the contextual route otherwise it wouldn't be one of the best universities.

Getting the grades are the bare minimum to getting in to Oxford, you have to show alot of passion for your subject.

I feel your friend isn't telling you the full story.

Just to add that you said he would be the first to go to university, did you and your husband not go? Alot of universities offer a contextual for that.

Gengha · 16/08/2026 23:02

ThatQuickLilacOrca · 16/08/2026 22:39

Sorry for the typos I did not read it I am just ranting as I am upset for my son. He’s our first child to almost go to university. Yes he could have worked harder he tried his best and he will get that A start in further maths this time. We’ve been in contact with tutors he’s very determined. He might even resit the other Alevels and try to get 3 A stars this time instead of just one. He has pretty much all 9s in his GCSEs apart from one 8 he is very hardworking and this time round he will get the university that he wants. I think this might be a blessing in disguise I’ve never seen him more determined and he’ll use this in his interview.

What would be the point in this farcical arrangement?

sitting the FM again on its own - in no way going to be the same as getting an A star while sitting another 2 A levels

resitting all the A levels again - eh? I mean what would be the point? What a complete waste of a year

Your son sounds quite entitled and up his own arse OP and instead of telling him to take this as a life lesson and go somewhere else you’re enabling a lot of unnecessary nonsense. Not how I’d parent but you do you.

hahabahbag · 16/08/2026 23:02

My dc2 didn’t get a contextual offer from state school, you need to have one or more of a specific list to qualify, not paying isn’t one of them! Dc1 did due to the school she attended being in special measures, have significant Sen plus our postcode, dc2 went to a different school so just the post code wasn’t enough

WearyAuldWumman · 16/08/2026 23:02

Changeisstillpossible · 16/08/2026 22:40

I thought that Edinburgh uni was full of toffs

I believe that it is now toff heavy - but not when my classmates went to Edinburgh Uni. (I didn't apply to Edinburgh - they didn't have the course I wanted.)

Our school was a comprehensive. We all started uni in '78.