AIBU to be amused that my family want me to help them financially after telling me I’ve ruined my life by marrying for £?

Actually it’s women like OP who keep women down.

Remember your friends on your way up as you'll sure as hell need them on your way back down!!
When the SD dies,leaves everything to his older grown up kids, there's a good chance you'll get nothing!

I don’t mind helping. I love my nephew and I’m happy to help my mum when I can.

But you can't help because it's not your money.

If your SD wants to help them that's up to him.

However, I agree with everything they said and I don't think they should be asking for anything.

Just throwing this out there - imo once you're married it's not right to throw the 'not your money' jibe, whether you agree with relationships like this or not. Comments like that are toxic and keep women down.

Are you talking about the same person saying these things? How do you remember who's said what on MN threads?

P.s why do you have a nanny, when you don’t work? ( genuine question).

Your mum’s got some cheek and I would tell her so.
Childcare for your nephew if arrangements fall through is a different proposition.

I’m in my late 20s and have been with my partner for six years, married for two. He’s quite a bit older than me (late 50s) and wealthy. He pays for pretty much everything, I don’t work, and I have a very comfortable life.

I didn’t go into it thinking I’d found the love of my life. We met through work, got on, and there is genuine affection between us, but I’m not going to pretend the financial side isn’t a major reason I’m still here.

Before him I was fresh out of uni, working ridiculous hours, commuting, renting a grim flat and spending most of my salary on simply existing. Now I live in a lovely house, don’t work, have a cleaner and nanny/housekeeper, travel several times a year and generally live very differently. I know I’m incredibly lucky.

My mum and older sister hated the relationship when they found out. My mum told me I was wasting my twenties, becoming financially dependent on a man, that I was a hooker and that I’d regret not having a “proper career”.

My sister is in her mid-30s and works as a senior associate at a big City law firm. She’s married to another lawyer she met there and they have a child. They both work very long hours. They’re doing well, but between the mortgage, nursery, holidays etc., they have nowhere near the disposable income I do.

Over the last year, things have changed. My mum has started asking me for financial help with things like a family holiday, a renovation and an unexpected bill. My sister has also started asking if my nanny can look after my nephew when their childcare falls through.

I don’t mind helping. I love my nephew and I’m happy to help my mum when I can. But I do find it funny that five years ago I was apparently making a terrible life decision, and now I’m the person everyone comes to when they need something.

I’m genuinely proud of my sister and know she works incredibly hard. I suppose what annoys me is the assumption that I need rescuing from my own choices, while everyone is quite happy to benefit from those same choices.

AIBU to find the whole thing a little ironic?

Thank you. This thread is funny. If it was a woman claiming their wealthy husband didn't pay for everything and give them an allowance its financial abuse as "it's joint money" but when someone is honest about the fact they basically have a sugar daddy, everyone is all of a sudden "it's not your money though". The double standards are strong tonight.

It's their money now they're married.

But it's literally not her money? She didn't earn it, write the invoice or provide any services. DH earns a lot but I would never consider the income he made through his job as "mine" to give to other people. An exception would be joint expenditures such as home repairs, bills, school fees etc.

But there's nothing feminist about claiming money earned by your husband is now 100% yours to spend just because you are married. It's setting women back to believe that you can just claim taxed cash from personal relationships without ever providing a value or service for them.

EDIT: Obviously if the husband is happy for her to spend X amount however she wants then it's clearly her money. But that's never been clarified here or what amounts we're talking about. Some wives get regular allowances every month and others have to ask for large expenditures on a case by case basis.

Not necessarily. Many very wealthy men have all their assets tied into various trusts or companies and pay themselves a token income on paper. It's also unclear whether the husband has a first wife and other children from previous marriages. There could be prenups or postnups in place. And lastly, the wife may not even be able to afford a lawyer to fight for 50%.

We know many cases in real life which were less transactional but still the typical SAHM with wealthy husbands. Many lived in luxury during the marriage but ended up with virtually nothing, including custody of their children, after they were replaced by another wife.